Super Nanny
My wife and I watch “Super Nanny” on ABC a lot. We feel superior to most the parents on the show. We actually talk to the screen like it’s a football game. Armchair caregivers, if you will. We have all the answers…of course. It amazes me, almost weekly, how some parents need someone to tell them how to use common sense.
This week’s installment had a young couple with 3 children, 8ish, 3 and 1. The 3 year old was having bedtime issues and meal issues. She would refuse to go to bed or eat what was put in front of her. The thing that got me wasn’t how the mother was trying to deal with it, but trying to stick with her guns on both issues, but that the father would give in to the daughter’s demands. This totally undermined anything that the mother had attempted. At one point, during a bath, he actually told the girl she “was the boss”. This was as he was attempting to wash her hair, and she didn’t want him to. He just gave up. She, of course, grabbed onto that little sound bite. “I’m the boss” she repeats.
Ok…First of all…don’t undermine each other. Communicate. Know what’s ok and what’s not before the situation arises. If a situation catches you by surprise, that happens, but talk about it and be ready. If wifey says, “eat 3 more bites, and then you can get up”, don’t let the child up before that, or feed them, then let them go. You should also expect the same. Just work as a team.
And believe me, your partner is probably not planning some conspiracy. They want to raise a healthy, well adjusted child as well. So don’t think that by her wanting the child to have only two more minutes in the tub, where you think five would be fine, is some kinda plot to over throw you as the alpha male. Just agree, and then maybe talk later if it really bothers you.
Secondly, the child is not the boss. It should never work that way. You can’t start giving into the tantrums. Be firm, fair, and consistent. Take a second…or ten…and remember that you are the adult. And, unless it is in jest, never relinquish the title of boss.
This should be common sense. I know it’s hard in the heat of the moment, but it’s easier if you have it in your head.
“I will not undermine.” It should be embroidered on a pillow.
“My child is not the boss.” Maybe a throw to go with it.
May 30th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
So funny - I like the Supernanny as well. It’s on too late for me to view, but I even bought her book (before kids), because so much of what Jo says is common sense (and no nonsense), that really could work, and I wanted to have it as a reference for when I was parenting, and busy, and wanted to be sure I didn’t forget my own common sense!
Now that we’re parenting our first child, it’s really interesting to see how many scenarios we hadn’t thought of or discussed, and how we have to learn along the way and really learn about each other as we go through this!
It is amazing how differently my husband and I view the many aspects of parenting! While we were going through the adoption approval process, our caseworkers brought up points on how we intended to discipline our children, raise them, etc. And we talked about our differences and how to handle them - most of all with a united front!!!! That’s the key, along w/ communication.
I know in the first few months, he thought I was being silly with some of the way I did things. Then I explained my reasoning behind them,and some started to make enough sense to him, that he changed his caregiving style a bit. And he helps me loosen up and change my ways. It’s a team effort, all the way! The coaches have to be unified so the players follow along!
May 30th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Thanks for the comment. I haven’t read her book. I must have it now.