Sympathy Pain

Wow…So, tonight’s Super Nanny hit me hard. The mom had 2 older boys from a previous relationship, and 3 more together. The parents never should have had more children. They said they started having major issues just months after they moved in together. They never talked to each other, only blamed each other for downfalls that they both had a hand in. Why would you start a family under those circumstances. She had actually filed for divorce 6 months before the taping of the show. Children deserve more. The older children, especially the eldest, caught the brunt of dad’s frustration. The dad was always on this boys case, about nothing. The dad blamed the boy for their failing to connect. This poor nine year old shouldered an unbelievable amount of pressure. The boy actually said they were on this show to save his parents marriage. No child should ever have to say something like that.

Again, I’m going to need you to be the adult. Have your shit together when you decide to have a family. When things come up, deal with them. They seemed to harbour all this crap from the past…and project it onto your children. It like if mom did something 5 years ago, dad put it in a mental file and took it out on the family. OR, he would exclude himself from the family while there, almost in a show of resentment towards her. Get off the cross!

Sarah and I aren’t perfect. We have our moments. We have had some pretty big arguments. But, we deal with it, learn from it, and leave it behind. If we do bring it back up, it’s to laugh about how stupid we were.

AND, I really believe that if you are so unhappy…so defeated…get the divorce. Stay involved in the children’s life, but give them a happier world to live in. I can’t speak for my ex-wife, but I know Jack has a much better example of a loving family than he would if we had stayed together. YES DIVORCE SUCKS! It took me at least a year to go though all the stages I needed to in order to become Bryan again. Some take longer. However, now, I am the father I wanted to be for him and Tony.No I am not “full-time” dad…and that also sucks, but I am a better role model now than Jack would have had otherwise.

Also, 6 months of the divorce, just hanging there, stagnant. She had filed it, and it was just a wedge. If you get to the point of divorce, it’s not a bargaining tool. It’s not a threat. It’s a legal declaration of separation. Shit or get off the pot. I didn’t file for divorce until the ex- and I said “done”, then the proceedings happened.

So, in closing. Be the adult. Have your world in order. Make sure you are comfortable in your own skin. If you aren’t, your children will suffer.