Part time traditions
I walked into a house today that I haven’t been in for years. It was like nothing had changed. Same decorations, a pug that always needs attention, and the smell of baking.
I had Jack last night, and since he had no school today, he stayed the night. His aunt, on his mom’s side, always has all the cousins, nieces, and nephews in, a few days before Christmas, and makes decorations or treats. This morning was that day. I took him over and talked to her for a few minutes. Her daughter’s pregnant, the one I saw dance about 10 years ago as a “tweenager”. As I stood there, Jack’s cousins came up. One, now about to start driving, I held just hours after he was born. It’s a great tradition that, even though her daughter and son are no longer participating, she continues with the rest of the children.
As I drove away, I remembered a post over at Freaked-out-fathers. He was talking about “non-custodial” parents and traditions. I think that it is important to start your own in your new home as a non-custodial parent, but you also need to respect the traditions already in place. Many times, over the last few years, I could have thrown the “It’s my time” card and not allowed Jack to go to one tradition or other, but they are important to him. I also know that now, with Tony, times will arise when there will be a clash of scheduling in family events, and it’s important that I have shown flexibility thus far.
So, if you have no plans, and the bio-parent has something family oriented to do, try to be reasonable. Your child needs family time on both sides of the divorce line.
We have started a ginger bread house tradition and go to an annual “Festival of Lights” at the local botanical garden. It’s things that are very us, and Jack is an integral part of it.
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