Matt
I can’t imagine why someone would take their own life.
Matt Cardelle, born May 25, 1974. When I was about 6 or 7, we started having birthday parties together. Mine is the 28th. His family lived about 3/4 mile up the road. Matt was really the only friend I had until I started 1st grade. After a few years of the co-parties, I started to dislike them. They were always at his house, because they had a carport, which is a great place to let the cool aid spill and big wheels roll. It always seemed he got the better, and higher quantity, of gifts. But it was the way of things for many years.
When he was about 7, me 9, we tried a sleep over at my house. He didn’t make it past midnight. He got scared and wanted to go home. At first, I tried to be all big brotherly, and talk him down, but after a while, I was ready to sleep, and him to go home. We never tried it again.
I stayed at his house a couple times. He had 2 younger sisters, which was unfamiliar ground to me. I think it was there I learned to always put the seat lid down on the toilets. I was actually slightly afraid of going to the bathroom in that house. I usually tried to hold it until I got home…or was in the woods behind the house.
Once we got into school, especially 4th grade and up, the visits became less and less. The parties finally became separated. Our families drifted apart. Then we moved across the county.
Every once and a while, I still dream about Matt and his sisters. Just a month ago, I dreamt about going back to my old house, and taking pictures for Sarah. Matt was there and tattled on me trying to still a disposable camera for the attempt. Him and some guy in a wheelchair who broke my car…yes I was tired that night.
My dad called last night.
“I have some news. Matt Cardelle killed himself.”
Pause…
“Wow”
Pause…
“Yeah, he was living with some girl and they got into a fight. She said something, and he told her ‘well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore’ pulled out a gun, and shot himself.”
Pause…
“Wow”
I can’t imagine why someone would take their own life. I have been at the bottom of the happy curve before. I may have said things to people to get a reaction, even scare them, but never was I committed to taking my life. It seems so selfish and useless. A waste. Especially if you are involved with someone. What satisfaction do you get from hurting someone if your dead. If you really hate them, continue living and be an ass. That’s much more rewarding. Break up and do great things, that will really get to them. But just shooting yourself. Wow.
Matt was 33 years old. What a waste.
Leave a Reply