Matt, Liz, and Madeline
My wife forwarded a blog to me today. I have been reading it off and on since then. It breaks my heart…every word. It was one of my biggest fears that something would happen to Sarah during childbirth. I think it’s a fear most fathers share but rarely talk about. I can’t imagine the strength this father has to carry on and be the man he has to be for that little girl. His words are so tragically beautiful. Here’s a sample. You might want to read this before going to the page. It will knock the breath out of you.
5 weeks of bedrest.
(2 at home, 3 in the hospital).
liz had low amniotic fluid.
baby had her cord around her neck.
baby’s heart rate dropped
(multiple times).
liz almost delivered
(multiple times).
the day finally came
(3/24).
madeline was born via c-section.
everyone was happy
and healthy.
liz was told
to hang out in bed
for another 24 hours
and then she was going to
see madeline.
she waited patiently
hearing stories
and seeing photos
of me
feeding and changing
madeline’s diapers.
(she was soooo jealous and i teased her mercilessly that i was 1, 2, 3 diapers ahead of her and that she had to catch up).
24 hours came
and she got ready
to lay her hands
on madeline
for the very
first
time.
she got up from bed
(with the help of some nurses and me).
we joked about her new-found independence.
i told her that she
had to start waiting on me
because i’d been waiting on her
for 5 weeks.
she laughed,
and said,
“of course.”
she walked to the mirror
and said,
“my hair looks like shit.”
we all laughed
(because her hair looked great, especially for someone who’d been on bed rest for 5 weeks).
the nurse said,
“are you ready to go?”
she said,
“yes.”
her excitement
was overflowing.
she turned around
to sit in her wheelchair
for her ride to see
madeline.
she said,
“i feel lightheaded”
and then she passed out.
we got her in to
her hospital bed.
doctors and nurses
rushed to help her.
but nothing could be done
to bring her
back.
no one to blame.
shitty luck
and
a pulmonary embolism
are what led us to
the saddest,
most horrific moment
of my life.
(and many other people’s lives).
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