Sympathy Pain

Let me paint a picture. You have just brought this angel home from the hospital. She is so little, helpless. You are very gentle with every movement and touch. Even her whimpers make you smile and almost cry.

Now, another picture, 6 weeks without sleep. Life has caught up to you. Bills, work, normal life…plus baby. The family has left, so your support is gone. It’s just you, your spouse, and this…creature. You’d love to tell everyone how much you’ve bonded with your baby…but the fact is you haven’t. You’re not even sure you like this thing. You haven’t touched…or been touched by…your spouse in weeks. The baby won’t stop crying, and it’s a different cry than that little one in the first days. This feels almost personal. Like nothing you do is good enough. Tonight, it’s just you and the demon spawn. Finally, she has quited down, after hours. You begin to set down, relax, and something happens…a dog barks, thunder, phone rings…and the baby explodes. You stomp your toe on the baby gate, almost break you neck, get to the child madder than a hornet, and…

I remember…I was there. It takes some people a while to bond with a new born…and it makes you feel awful. You get beyond tired and your temper is on the edge. You are not a bad parent. It’s all new. All frightening. This life belongs to you, and the parents are expected to be “perfect”. But nobody is perfect.

Here’s what you need to do. Before the baby gets here, talk about it. Mom and Dad. What to do if I get to that point…and you probably will. And it needs to be more than “don’t pick up the child and count to 10″…although that’s a great start. Have someone you can call, family or friend, that can come give you a 5 minute time out. Talk to them now. My ex-mother-in-law was my valve. I called her twice…feeling like a failure…but never hurt my child. If you have the discussion up font, the feeling of failure will lessen. Admit that you need help, before you really even know that you will, before it’s too late.

In America every year an estimated 1,200 - 1,400 children are shaken for whom treatment is sought. Of these tiny victims, 25 -30% die as a result of their injuries.

Just look at the news. Do you think the parents of some of these children ever thought they would get to the point of hurting there child. Shaken baby Syndrome is a very real issue. And it happens far too often…by loving parents.

Please, take the time to make a “pressure release” plan. Follow the links below and learn how serious this can become. And, don’t think that you won’t get to that point. I did.

The Shaken Baby Alliance
National Center On Shaken Baby Syndrome
Baby Center

[tags] shaken baby, frightened parent, newborn abuse [/tag]