So, I am off the Lexapro now. I had been taking it, on and off, since the divorce…mostly on. 10 mg a day. I was taking it for anxiety. It also seemed to help my brain fire more effiecently.

Weel, I’m off. Not because the doctor dropped it, but because I don’t have extra money laying around for another 30 day supply.

Withdrawals? Yep, I got ‘em. Mostly the whole brain not functioning as clearly. Awesome stuff. I hope that is a withdrawal symptom and not the way my brain works, period. It’s mostly names and words I can’t recall. Which sucks for a salesperson.

“So…uh…mr….um…dude, your church needs a…um…an…thing…don’t tell me…”

I also am a little more emotional. “So you think you can dance” makes me cry. Now, granted, I’m also tired and working a couple jobs, but I think some of the edge would have been taken away by the Pro.

And, I am having a tendency to read things into a situation. I pissed Sarah off a few days ago. It was one of those moments where I felt I needed to say what I was thinking, even though she was going to be mad. I even set up the moment with a warning…that really doesn’t help by the way. So, for the next 3 days, I apologized profusely, and anytime she didn’t answer a text or an email…which she has a tendency to do anyway…I expected the worse. Irrational, I know, and I knew it in the moment as well…but I couldn’t help it.

So, I’m here. 3 weeks from my last fix. Having money issues and not sleeping enough or eating right.

Yeah for Sarah!!! She’s so lucky.

We pooled our resources last week and got our mortgage paid up to next month. Yipee! Now, while we had that money in our bank account, waiting for the Alabama housing folks to grab it out, we thought we had a few bucks to get gas…buy cleaning wipes…grab breakfast at McDonalds…so on. I mean, when your bank account has more than 3 digits in it, you get excited now days.

We were wrong. So suddenly that $5.00 box of wipes cost us $35.00. That $3.37 McMuffin cost us $33.37…and it wasn’t even that good.

Not only did the few little things cost us so much more because of ever fees…they are now eating into this week’s paycheck by leaps and bounds.

“This month’s insurance hasn’t come out yet” Sarah informed me upon closer examination of our account….so more money coming out of a negative account…awesome.

Let’s see…things to help us out.

No non necessary purchases…check

Cutting our eating out to almost nothing…check

Not going to or renting a moving in….ever…check

2^nd job…check and check

Here is out issue in a nut shell…NSF charges have taken the GNP for a small nation out of our account this year. I’m grateful that they cover our lack of money tracking ability, but DAMN!!! 30 bucks on a $3.37 purchase? AND, at one point I entered a check for a couple thousand…yes…and they held it for 4 days….and we had things clear and cause that to dwindle in NSF charges. When I checked, they had the funds confirmed on the 2^nd day, but their policy allowed them to hold it out of our account for up to 5 days…bastards. AND, why don”t they allow the little things to clear before the large on a daily basis. If, for example, I have a $2000 in the bank and a $1999.99 check hits the same day as 7 McMuffins… I was hungry…let the seven clear first. Instead of collecting 7 NSF charges, let me get hit by 1 for the big check.

So, anyway. We are overdrawn…our fault. We may be after my paycheck this week because of CRAZY fees from the bank…their fault. We are not default on anything, or having collectors at our door, but it sucks a lot.

And it sucks.

“It’s not like you don’t take odd jobs to help out…” she says.

My “odd jobs” are theatre related. It’s my addiction. Now, it’s also what I have a degree in and 20 years of experience in…but it’s still a glorified hobby. I also get to learn things that will help me in my day job.

I hate that it takes time away from the family.

“Well…it’s like rehearsal, but I get paid.” She had to drop out of a show that her sister and best friend is in because of this job. It’s a show with a great cast and will be tons of fun, but she had to give it up…for financial reasons…belch.

“I love their clothes, and I get to play dress up all day with customers…” I guess that does mean less time playing dress up with me and Tony. She’s working at Anne Taylor Loft. She loves the clothes there and will get a good discount. I guess those are bonuses.

I guess I just really want her to know how much I appreciate what she is doing. I also understand the sacrifices she is making in order to help our situation. Just so you know, we are not destitute or homeless, but we have been behind on bills for a while and tired of the phone calls. This job and some of the little stuff I’m doing is an attempt to get ahead. I just hate that it has gotten to this point.

Thank you, Sarah…I love you.

“Can he run?” the doctor asked as Tony was climbing and running all over the place. I guess that’s a good sign.

His x-rays showed some straightening of the bone, but with his recent growth spurts, we are seeing more length difference now. He’s also figured out that he can walk on his tip toe on the good leg and not bend his knee on the lucky leg to walk. Makes him look like Peter Boyle from Young Frankenstein.

“Your biggest job,” he told Sarah, “is convincing everyone else you are doing the right thing. Everyone wants immediate action…surgery, casting, etc…but we are on the right path for him. The new AFO will be smaller than the first, just to keep him from rolling over on his ankle. We will have to get shoes with lifts for that leg. It will soon have to be an external lift once the discrepancy gets more pronounced. But we are on the right path.”

The “External Lift” does make me nervous. The doc says the new ones are really well made and help disguise the fact that they are lifts. I just have the image of…Peter Boyle again…and his big clodhoppers.

But, Tony is otherwise healthy and very happy (now that his molars have come in). So we are very blessed. I feel like I have to put that caveat on every post I write about his leg. I just don’t look forward to everything he is going to have to go through and put up with in order to wait until the right time to fix it…then who knows what long lasting issues he might have after the surgery…but he otherwise healthy.

Peace…please…

“I should do that with you.”

Chirp…chirp.

“Ok…that would be great.” Another lack of enthusiasm. She got me a membership to Riviera Fitness…I went 3 times. She got me a bike…I haven’t rid it more than a few times since we bought the house a year ago. To say I am not an exercise fanatic is an understatement.

So, I was determined. I was going to see this through. I started looking into it.

90 days…ok. Consecutively? Yes…damn, I was hoping for a loop hole.

Extreme program…hmm…you actually are supposed to take a health test to see if you are in shape enough to proceed. The test almost wiped me out, but I passed.

So it has been 4 days…5 if you count the test…which I do. I actually am enjoying it. It’s freakin hard. My thighs are killing me. But, I’m doing better than I thought I would I’m not doing everything at 100%…or even 50%, but I am trying. AND I have stayed with this longer than any other actual exercise program…5 days!

As far as doing it together…we are doing them at different times. Our schedules make that necessary. Some of the workouts are an hour long, and with a kids and work, it’s really hard to set that chuck aside to both be here and ready to sweet…and the fact that watching each other struggle isn’t as hot as it may sound. We tried the “Ab Shredder” together…we laughed a lot, at ourselves and each other, but we probably won’t do them together much. (and Sarah farted)

So, I’m going to keep it up. I need to. Jaunting up a single flight of stairs was starting to wind me. Racquet ball with jack was actually starting to look like jack was playing Chet from weird science…after he was turned into a shit pile.

Wish us luck. I’ll keep you informed.

It was the forth, and we had back yard inflatable fun at our friends house with a lot of folks with kids. There was good food and camaraderie to be had. Jack bounced and slid until he was red in the face and panting. I ate until I was red in the face and panting. We are very blessed to be surrounded by other great parents…although they are not as great as we…of course.

Jack and I played racquet ball and threw the football around for hours. The family also went swimming, again with friends. We had a very full and fun weekend.

Except for Tony. He was not 100%…or even 50% for most of the weekend. He would wake up from very lethargic and tremoring. His bed would be soaked in sweat, but no fever. He literally sat in Sarah’s lap for over an hour at one point, just watch TV and reading. Our son never sits still. It was very worrisome. Last night, he didn’t go for more than an hour without waking up crying. It sucked.

He went to the doctor today. Ulcers in his mouth, tonsils swollen, but nothing they can actually treat. No fever. Fluids are clear. (He’ll have an infection by week’s end…)So they sent them home. Benadryl and Tylenol.

I hate not being able to do something for him. It breaks my heart. He really isn’t a crier, so hearing him wake up crying in pain just rips me open…after the initial “Shit, not again…your turn.” reaction.

Also, Sarah threw him off a chair at the doctor’s office and tried to break his nose…but that’s her cross to bear and story to tell. Blood everywhere…