Sympathy Pain

Jack has been on the same baseball team as D. for the last few years. To begin with, D was one of those kids that you hoped your child wouldn’t set beside, because you knew there would be trouble. D’s parents are older…in their late 50’s early 60’s. D is adopted. He was uncoordinated and borderline mean at the beginning of last season. Then, as the season progressed, the rest of the time and coaches helped D find his rhythm and place. It was a little “village” that helped him become more socially adept and also befriend some of the boys on the team.

So this weekend was his birthday party. Jack and I arrived a couple minutes late, with present in hand and swimsuit ready.

“There are no balloons,” Jack observed, “and we are the first ones here.”

I thought that was strange, and when we walked up and saw D, I knew plans had changed.

“Because it was raining here an hour ago, we postponed the party until Wednesday.” His mom told us. “We tried to call Jack’s mom, but couldn’t get through.” Her home phone hasn’t worked in months…but I digress.

I could tell D was bummed…as was Jack. So we decided to stay. It wasn’t raining so the day wasn’t completely a bust.

Then, JW showed up. He is in the same boat D was in at the beginning of last season…without the mean. D’s mom and I talked with JW’s mom for a long time. She is worried about her son’s social development. We told her where D was last year and how much of a change he had gone through because of little league. Hopefully, next year, I can update on JW and say he has grown exponentially the way D has.

I still believe very firmly that positive involvement is extremely important for social growth. You can’t raise a child in a bubble. Sometimes peer pressure is positive pressure.

Have you ever taken the time to think back along amnesia lane and see who most affected your life? With all the talk about homeschooling, and the latest saying that…

the purpose of public schools is not to teach social skills, and in fact they aren’t good at it…

I began to think about it, and I agree.
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I heard this come out of a new grandmothers mouth today. It makes me sad to think animals, and specifically cats catch the brunt of the “old wives” club. I don’t know how people still live in fear of a cat stealing the baby’s breath.

I’ve talked about it before, animals are not a danger to infants if some precautions are taken. I found this tonight on the Humane Society of America web site: (more…)

I remember it being a beautiful day. I remember driving my then wife’s jetta into town from the house we were renting while our house was built. She needed new lug nuts on the tires, the ones that didn’t require a special wrench. I remember the morning show “Rick and Bubba” saying “something” was happening in New York City. I remember huddling around an old 26 inch color TV at the Volkswagen place and seeing the 2nd tower get hit…It falling…the other falling. I remember calling Regions bank to see if we needed to re schedule my interview. I was still jobless from the move from Atlanta. I had that interview that day, but it seemed so unimportant. I remember checking on my family. I remember the phone lines being busy. I remember everyone talking to strangers, holding each other. I remember the lines at the gas station because everyone was waiting for the other shoe to drop, wanting to be prepared. I remember holding Jack and crying, scared for his future. I remember going outside that night, to try to get away from the news on the TV, and there being no planes in the sky. The world seemed silent. I remember promising to give blood, or clothes, or be a better person, parent, friend. I remember going to sleep alone. I remember praying.

What do you remember?

I visited a good friend of mine in Atlanta a few weeks ago. She is in an alternative lifestyle relationship. They gave birth to a beautiful girl about 15 months ago. The little girl is amazing. Very articulate. Very well mannered. And she loves to flirt. I don’t want to use names, just in case my friend has some aversion to her name being on the web.

We ate our vegetarian pizza from Mellow Mushroom…whose pizza I LOVE, and then decided to go for a walk. I was already in love with this little angel, but then the walk sealed the deal for the entire family.

We were in one of the not so nice areas of Atlanta. Older homes that have seen there better days. I have to admit, I felt alittle out of place in the race department. I hate to say that, because I like to pride myself on my view of race, but it is ingrained, I guess. But soon, I felt very foolish about this feeling, because of this non-conventional family. They knew everybody. People were waving and calling there names out of second floor windows. The girl ran to an older black man, who she looks forward to seeing on the walks. We went into the home of a 105 year old lady just so this little blond haired, blue eyed girl could dance for her. We swapped baby tips with a young black mother while the flirt did her magic on her 9 month old son.

We then saw a few shoes thrown over power lines. Someone told me that originally this was a sign of where drug houses were located. It wouldn’t have surprised me.

“Silly Shoes” she would call out. We laughed a lot.

We found ourselves at a small park. It was this strange oasis of recycled tire under matting and new park equipment. A boy, about 8, knocked the “no parking” sign off its post. My friends scolded him, and then ask him to replace the sign. He did.

So, I learned volumes in those few hours. I still admit that I am scared for Jack to talk with strangers. I want him to know when it is ok. The next week, we did talk to an older man at Sonic. Found out about him and the buildings he owns around our neighborhood. Did us all some good to have the company.

It really does take a village to raise a child. I was blown away by what this family has done to meld with their neighborhood, and what they are getting in return. I hope to be that way.