Sympathy Pain

Super Nanny. 6 kids. They had 6 kids. They decided to have 6 kids. the oldest, and only male, was 14. The youngest was probably around 2.

Mom had given up. The dad owned his own business, and wasn’t there much. Jo’s big thing was…”You decided to have 6 children. You wanted to be a mom. Be a mom.” She would complain about the oldest girl being out of control. The 3 oldest would kick and hit and spit each other. Sometimes they would spit on the mom. Mom would just go into the office and …I don’t know. Just escape. She even did it in the middle of her 2 year old having a tantrum about time out.

“Be a mom”

The kids also had fowl mouths. No I cuss like a sailor, but not at 5. And it seemed they learned it from mom. Jo actually came down to her level and called her excuses “bullshit” it was awesome. This was about the time that we learned the dad was trying. He seemed to have no idea that his wife was a shell of a mother.

Jo had the oldest girl and mom go bowling. The hope was they would connect and may have some physical and emotional connection. Jo kept trying to get the mom to hug her daughter…or a pat on the back…nothing. Just a high five…once.

I always are amazed at those people who have kids and think it’s going to be a walk in the park. especially those who have multiple kids. I would think by the first few, you would figure things out and STOP HAVING KIDS!

Of course, Jo broke the ice. The family became closer. I just hate that it has to get to that point. I don’t really understand how it gets that far. Again…if you want to be a parent…be a parent.

While on the “Super Nanny Rules” page, I saw this article about the Chapman Family. Thought I’d share. I did track done Sara’s “Full Time Job”…She’s a photographer. While a busy carrer choice…hardly a 9-5 full time job.

Kaukauna Family Threatened After “Supernanny” Episode
(more…)

We missed the first episode last night, but caught the second…and sit there pissed off. We knew we were in for a good ride when the children contacted Jo with a cry for help.

The 2 oldest daughters, ages 14 and 17, stayed at home all day with their 3 younger brothers, who seemed to be 6 or younger. The 2 girls were responsible for the boys, all day, and were also home schooled. By whom, you ask. By themselves, on computer. Their was absolutely no parent input. So these kids were parents to the boys and trying to complete “school” work. They would do housework, kiss boo boos, break up fights…all while trying to study. The father then had the audacity to say “They could do more” when asked how he thought they were doing.

I was pissed on multiple levels. First, these parents had decided to home school and were leaving it 100% up to the girls to accomplish. Really? That’s better than public or private school. That’s a 0 to 2 teacher student ratio. And, throw in the fact that the 17 year old could not drive. So you have a house of 5 children, with no way to get out if their is an emergency. Just call the mom, you say. Well they tried that when she was almost an hour late, and she didn’t pick up her cell phone. And when she did get home, one of the boys was throwing a fit, and after an hour, she gave up and passed him off to the girls…who had had them all day and were responsible for cleaning up after dinner. What about the dad, you ask. Well, he was of the opinion that they had the older girls to be au pairs to the boys.

It was bad, and affecting the oldest’s health. She actually passed out during one confrontation with the father. She looked like hell. I don’t know how any parent could look into their daughters hollow eyes and not know something was wrong.

I was beside myself. These parents were so extremely selfish. And the daughters said, “Once the cameras and microphones are gone, the parents will just go back. They don’t want to have to work so hard.” Wow.

It makes me wonder. One of my problem with home schooling is this lack of a definitive structure. Watching this, I saw how extreme that could get. And it was all legal and withing homeschooling specifications. These poor girls, trying to get an education, with no guidance other than the computer classes. It just raised my hackles.

super nanny, glenn and sara chapman

Tonight’s episode hit close to home. It was a single dad with 4 children. He got a divorce 2 years ago, and we don’t know that back story. The youngest is 3. He has 3 girls. The oldest is around 9. They live in Alaska. That’s the picture.
He was having lots of issues with the kids. They were out of hand. The house was a mess. He was almost a shell of a man. The kids just ran over him. I then started realizing that he had given up. The divorce had somehow turned him off. He was sleeping on the floor in his son’s room. His bedroom was a junk room. he said he did that because he was “afraid to be alone”. The separation really turned him off. He didn’t know how to function.
I have seen it in other people. I saw it in me. I had to be ok being by myself. I had to become ok with me. I can’t imagine doing that with 4 young children. It seems that the oldest girl was taking the absence of her mom out on the dad. I wouldn’t know how to deal with that, and find myself.
It really seemed that the advice revolved around him finding his footing. He couldn’t do anything with his relationship with his children until then, especially his oldest. That’s what I found. Fix yourself. Be happy in your own skin.

Taking the cue from my wife, I want to write down what I’ve learned in the first half of the pregnancy. Now, I do have 37 weeks in my back pocket from Jack, but I have learned volumes from this rodeo.

You can’t go toe-to-toe in the snack department. I realized that about the third time we had a late night snack…by snack I mean a #5 combo from Wendy’s. There are times when her appetite, while appropriate for a woman with child, is not ok for a 35 year old male.

Men are still considered neanderthals when it comes to pregnancyIts better, believe me. More men’s room have changing stations than ever before, but I still get the “You have external genitals, what do you know about child birth” look from some women when the subject comes up.

The OB/GYN is still a strange place to see a man…not in a lab coat. I was the only man in the waiting room. I didn’t see any “Sport’s Illustrated” magazines on the magazine racks…which I thought sexist in and of itself. Women like to look at sweaty muscular men just like us guys…

Super Nanny is a a goddess. The sad thing is, if people had common sense, she’d be out of a job.

It takes a village to teach a confirmed bachelorette. My wife was never going to have children. She always tuned out when the children talk came up at dinner parties. So, she has had to learn alot through me and our friends/family. She’s also read tombs on blogs, extending our village of knowledge.

Sometimes, the village idiot throws his 2 cents in. Opinions are like bung holes…everyone has one, and everyone is going to use it. You have to be willing to nod and smile when the wives tails come flying out. “If your hair is weak and limp, it’s a girl because it’s stealing the mother’s looks.”

There are tons of good…and stupid…products for babies. And as long as there are babies or pregnant women, people will make ‘em, and sale ‘em.

And something I already knew but have seen it magnified:

My wife is amazing. She is not a martyr. She doesn’t hide behind her pregnancy. She doesn’t use it as an excuse. She is so strong. She has kept her sense of humor and good nature, even when the demon spawn within her rears its ugly head. My respect for her has only grown stronger.

There’s more, but those are the high points. We shall see what else is out there to be learned in the next 20 weeks…and beyond.

Does anyone else get pissed watching Super Nanny? I really think people should have to take a parenting test. This episode has a 4 year old with no social skills and the mouth of a sailor, and a 10 year old that is in desperate need of attention from his parents or at least some stimulation. The parents were so freaking lifeless when it came to the kids. The only way the ten year old could get any reaction from the mom was to behave badly. How can they not see that?

Dad is a cop, but has absolutely no enforcement in his body. He treated the eldest like a four year old and ignored the youngest. It was dead parenting at its best.

“I’ve never met two parents with so little enthusiasm” Jo says. AHHHH!!! Why is it ok for these people to procreate. She called them “lame”. They had no rules, no planned activities. they set in the kitchen while their kids played and cursed.

“It just hard” the mom would say. I’m sorry, your a parent. Stop whining and try something. And, how is it hard to set in the kitchen and let things happen?

In our house, we do stuff. We find neat things to do. Even on a lazy day, we break up the video games with trips to the store or walking the dog. And, it’s not an option or a discussion, it’s just the way it is. And, it’s usually the best part of the day.

As a parent, you have to decide to be the parent. If you don’t, the kids will figure that out, and it will be “hard”. If you decide to be a parent, it will be easier AND you can bring a positive energy to the house.

Once again, we are watching “Super Nanny” on ABC. Again, we are the perfect parents.

This week, there is a young family in Utah with 3 children; 6, 5 and 2. The eldest has been diagnosed with ADHD. Mom is pregnant. She’s a stay at home mom and dad is a mail carrier. The house is pandemonium.

Here’s my beef. The dad is as useless as tits on a boar hog. He would come home, after delivering mail, and disappear for an hour, eat, then disengage again. The poor mother was handling these 3 children all day, one an extra challenge, and dad was NEVER present. He laughed it off the first time he was called out about it.

“Am I like that” I asked Sarah.

“No, because if you were, I’d be like ‘you need to do something.’”

I can’t believe that fathers do this…or any parent. I have witnessed the absent mom first hand. It’s hard to be giving everything and have no help.

I realize that we are talking about 2 parent homes. When it was just me and Jack, i knew it was just us and set my mind around that. I had a different mindset. I think it’s something all single parents do. When you do have another parent in the house, however, you should be able to plan on that support. When you give everything you have in hope of tag teaming at some point, then it not happening, it is extremely frustrating, even maddening.

So here’s my advice. Talk. Let each other know what you need. Not in the heat of the moment. Talk to your partner about what you need. What are you not good at? What are they better at. When do you need to tag team? What are the signs your partner needs to be aware of? Talk…and listen. Share in the parenting. Talk about what works and what doesn’t.

It’s not always easy to be a parent. You shouldn’t have to fight your partner to accomplish it.