Sympathy Pain

It never fails, If we are out and Sarah decides to have a glass of wine, the eyebrows raise. She bought a bottle a few weeks ago and got the eye from a few folks.

I went to a concert in Atlanta, Cinetrope, who rocked, by the way, and saw a woman, probably in the 3rd trimester in a room full of smokers…and I was the only one who seemed to notice. I was surprised and slightly appalled. I was having problems from the second hand smoke, so I can’t believe the baby wasn’t getting some of it.

So, I wondered…what do the experts say. And here are my findings…

Wine, the verdict is still out. It seems that the experts don’t know the exact risk that alcohol during pregnancy has to the baby. I’ve heard some OB’s say a glass a week was ok during the later part of pregnancy, some say none at all. Here’s a exert from The Labor of Love.com

Studies suggest that even occasional or moderate alcohol intake during pregnancy may carry some risks. While it is extremely unlikely that, if you have a glass of wine two or three times during your pregnancy, your baby would be born with fetal alcohol syndrome, it is still possible that there could be detrimental effects. There are fewer studies about moderate alcohol intake during pregnancy, so it is difficult to say statistically what percentage of women who drink the odd glass of wine during pregnancy experience complications because of it.

Second hand smoke…a big no no. I found lots of articles saying the same thing, this from Medical News Today:

A re-examination of data from earlier studies suggests that exposure to second-hand smoke during pregnancy can be just as detrimental to a developing fetus as primary exposure through maternal smoking, according to a recent paper from the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health.

Yes it’s true, many of the moms that birthed my generation smoked in the delivery room and had champagne to celebrate the “good news”, and we turned out “just fine”. I hear that a lot. However, were we as healthy as we could have been other wise? Were we under stress in the womb? Did it take us longer to build up a healthy immune system? I don’t know. But, knowing what we now know, why take the risk?

Smoking and second hand smoke REALLY BAD…wine…in strict moderation or none at all.

As a man, there are things about womanhood that are either magical or we take for granted…depending of the man and his point of view. I find pregnancy magical. How in the hell does all that happen?
I found this article about breast milk production. I read it. It still is magical to me.
I remember when a friend of mine came to one of my shows shortly after giving birth. A baby cried in the audience. She said her instincts kicked in and the milk wanted to come on out…um…that is amazing to me. How do they know? That’s nothing short of miraculous to me.
So, read the article, brush up on your learnin’, but know that some of us just think it’s amazing what happens to you in child birth.

Doin’ it. The ole bump and grind. The horizontal tango. Playing the piano. Making whoopee. Whatever you call it, if you have a child, you have had sex. There are volumes of books on sex, which last I checked, causes pregnancy, but sex during pregnancy is usually just a comic note. Dane Cook, talks about the baby during sex…something about the baby grabbing on…I digress.

So what about sex during pregnancy? Normally, it’s fine. You can’t hurt the baby…under normal, non crazy, sex. You’ll probably find a couple new positions that are just easier and more comfortable. for the most part, sex is even recomended.

There are a few things to watch:

Don’t introduce air into the vagina. It may be a good idea to bypass the oral sex.

The missionary position is not a friendly position for the baby or the momma. It will become Missionary Impossible…get it? see what I did there…Anyway, find some positions that best compliment your new body. Try her on top, spooning, hands and knees, or side by side. Make it fun.

The first trimester will be full of fatigue and nausea. That will lesson, but will still be something that comes up. Communicate that. The second trimester will bring more energy and, hopefully, less nausea.

You may have some history or condition that would cause you to not have sex during pregnancy. A history of miscarriage or a high risk pregnancy, talk to your doctor.

Now, let me share a secret. But first, let me preface it with “every woman is different”. Having said that, DAMN, pregnancy sex is AWESOME! For one thing, because of the heightened blood flow in her body, she’s more sensitive. She also has roaring hormones that can come outta nowhere and WHAM. The sex is very intense. And we talk more about what’s going on. It’s a great thing. Yes there are times that she is not feeling well, or tired, but as long as I am understanding, we’ve been amazing.

In short, take advantage of the differences in your life. Talk and explore. Talk to your doctor if your worried, but don’t just not have sex. Enjoy each other. Communicate. You’re not going to hit the baby in the eye with your penis…and if you do…damn.

It’s really easy to do nothing. When Sarah’s uncomfortable, it’s so freakin’ hot outside, and we are alittle on the broke side, it’s easy to sit at the house and watch nothing on TV. (Now, Supernanny is another story.) I got an email today:

“Hey, can we talk tonight. I’m feeling antsy”

Then it dawned on me, She’s going through unbelievable changes. She can’t do things she used to take for granite. She has given up doing theatre until after Tony’s born. It’s driving her up the wall. She’s tired of feeling like a home body.

So, here’s the lesson I am trying to learn and put into place. Take the reigns. Get her out. Find things we can do. Here’s the challenge. She almost in the third trimester. She has limits. So I need to find things she can do, comfortably.

Tonight…we went and ate at the mall and people watched. It’s an us thing. We also shopped around, looking at baby stuff, like bad baby onesies, like on T-shirt Hell.com(ADULT CONTENT!)…again, an us thing.

So guys, take the lead. Find stuff to do, away from the house. Take things at her speed, but be willing to go when she’s ready.

Oh, an we also played with the camera…

After the Ultrasound, we talked with the doctor.

“Everything looks great. It couldn’t look much better. The baby is head down, which doesn’t really matter right now, but he has to be some way, and that’s the best way to be. He is exactly in the 50th percentile for weight, which puts him on track to be around 7 lb 14 oz at term. Everything looks great.”

So we were driving home.

“50th percentile…isn’t that failing?” Sarah ask.

I tried to come up with some explanation, but realized I had just accepted it as a good place to be without much reasoning.

So, because I am who I am, here is an article from the Pampers UK site…

Growing, growing, gone!

By Dieter Wolke PhD Dipl-Psych AFBPsS C.Psychol.

An important part of your child’s health record is his growth chart. Children who are growing at the expected rate and whose height or length and weight are fairly well matched are generally healthy. Your baby’s height and weight will be monitored on a percentile chart such as the ones below by your health visitor or GP. Over time, your doctor will be able to see whether your baby is growing at the expected rate. This chart will help you follow your child’s growth along with the doctor.

As your GP will tell you, healthy children come in lots of different sizes and the band of what’s considered “normal” growth is very wide. Many children, for example, move their place on the growth chart at about 6 months as they start to reflect the build they’ve inherited from their family. Earlier, their growth reflected how they grew before birth and their nutrition in the first few months. Breastfed babies are slightly fatter in the first few months and relatively thinner later on in the first year than children fed exclusively with formula. And some families have fast-growing babies, while others have slow and steady gainers. So bear these individual differences in mind as you follow your child’s growth.

To briefly explain, the 50th percentile line (line in the middle of the graph) indicates that out of 100 babies at any given age, 50 will weigh more or be taller than the baby on the 50th percentile and 50 will be lighter or smaller. You should consult your health visitor or GP if your baby’s statistics fall to the bottom of the graph and definitely contact your doctor if he is below the 2nd percentile.

Taking the cue from my wife, I want to write down what I’ve learned in the first half of the pregnancy. Now, I do have 37 weeks in my back pocket from Jack, but I have learned volumes from this rodeo.

You can’t go toe-to-toe in the snack department. I realized that about the third time we had a late night snack…by snack I mean a #5 combo from Wendy’s. There are times when her appetite, while appropriate for a woman with child, is not ok for a 35 year old male.

Men are still considered neanderthals when it comes to pregnancyIts better, believe me. More men’s room have changing stations than ever before, but I still get the “You have external genitals, what do you know about child birth” look from some women when the subject comes up.

The OB/GYN is still a strange place to see a man…not in a lab coat. I was the only man in the waiting room. I didn’t see any “Sport’s Illustrated” magazines on the magazine racks…which I thought sexist in and of itself. Women like to look at sweaty muscular men just like us guys…

Super Nanny is a a goddess. The sad thing is, if people had common sense, she’d be out of a job.

It takes a village to teach a confirmed bachelorette. My wife was never going to have children. She always tuned out when the children talk came up at dinner parties. So, she has had to learn alot through me and our friends/family. She’s also read tombs on blogs, extending our village of knowledge.

Sometimes, the village idiot throws his 2 cents in. Opinions are like bung holes…everyone has one, and everyone is going to use it. You have to be willing to nod and smile when the wives tails come flying out. “If your hair is weak and limp, it’s a girl because it’s stealing the mother’s looks.”

There are tons of good…and stupid…products for babies. And as long as there are babies or pregnant women, people will make ‘em, and sale ‘em.

And something I already knew but have seen it magnified:

My wife is amazing. She is not a martyr. She doesn’t hide behind her pregnancy. She doesn’t use it as an excuse. She is so strong. She has kept her sense of humor and good nature, even when the demon spawn within her rears its ugly head. My respect for her has only grown stronger.

There’s more, but those are the high points. We shall see what else is out there to be learned in the next 20 weeks…and beyond.

I’ve been reminding my wife that she should not attempt any exercises that she hasn’t been doing already. It was a question answered by the doctor on our first appointment.

Sarah’s hit the “I’m just fat” stage. We don’t know the sex. We haven’t felt the baby. Other than the physical changes, we have no signs of pregnancy. So, what do you do when you feel you’ve put on a few pounds? Turbo Jam.

I called her on the way home.

“What you doin?”

“”Not being sore from Turbo Jam…I was breathing hard after thirty seconds. AND my nu nu hurts.”

I tried really hard not to say “I told you…and so did the doctor.” So a lesson to those who are pregnant. Exercise is great, but don’t start any exercises you haven’t been doing without talking to your doctor. Some high impact things should be cut altogether, but if it’s something you’ve been doing, you should be fine. Still, ask the doctor if you should continue.

And keep the turbo jam until postpartum.

p.s
I tried to link to Turbo Jam, but I never could get the page to open.

Tradtionally, Nesting affects the mother-to-be. I came back from 3 hours of building a set for a local theatre’s production of “Nunsense” and our bed room was straightened and cleaned with a votive sconce on the wall.

“What do you want to do today?” I ask.
“Really, the only thing is getting those 2 pictures hung.”

It’s a mixture of her OCD nature, the upcoming baby, and the energy from not being in a show or able to do the physical stuff she normally does. Usually, we are pretty clean around the house. However, we’ve been a little more active about it of late.

It hasn’t only affected Sarah. I moved entire rooms around. Thursday night I HAD to rearrange the furniture in the nursery/spare bed room before we went to bed. Some of it is because I’m trying to do the physical stuff for Sarah, but it’s almost a compulsion at times.

It’s like spring cleaning on crack.