Sympathy Pain

My son…my oldest son…is very excited about his brother. We called him soon after the doctor’s office.

“Cool” was his response.”Very cool.”

He ask some questions, but not many. We talk to him about what’s going on. He’s always interested in how big the baby is. We usually try to come up with something familiar to compare to the baby’s size, such as a plum, banana, base ball. He knows the baby is 50 times smaller than him in weight.

He told his mom he “wanted one of both” after we told him we were having a boy. I guess we never went into the “only one in there” talk with him.

He’s got a great sense of humor about it. “Sticks and Stuff Comer” was his latest name suggestion. I think it’s copyrighted.

I love my son. He’s an amazing little boy. I hope that Sarah and I can raise lil peep and Jack together to be great brothers. I’m a little nervous about that. I want Jack to know that this house is as much his as any-one’s. That is going to be the hard part.

Any suggestions? How do you we create a home for our new son that allows Jack to feel like he’s as big of a part of it?

Taking the cue from my wife, I want to write down what I’ve learned in the first half of the pregnancy. Now, I do have 37 weeks in my back pocket from Jack, but I have learned volumes from this rodeo.

You can’t go toe-to-toe in the snack department. I realized that about the third time we had a late night snack…by snack I mean a #5 combo from Wendy’s. There are times when her appetite, while appropriate for a woman with child, is not ok for a 35 year old male.

Men are still considered neanderthals when it comes to pregnancyIts better, believe me. More men’s room have changing stations than ever before, but I still get the “You have external genitals, what do you know about child birth” look from some women when the subject comes up.

The OB/GYN is still a strange place to see a man…not in a lab coat. I was the only man in the waiting room. I didn’t see any “Sport’s Illustrated” magazines on the magazine racks…which I thought sexist in and of itself. Women like to look at sweaty muscular men just like us guys…

Super Nanny is a a goddess. The sad thing is, if people had common sense, she’d be out of a job.

It takes a village to teach a confirmed bachelorette. My wife was never going to have children. She always tuned out when the children talk came up at dinner parties. So, she has had to learn alot through me and our friends/family. She’s also read tombs on blogs, extending our village of knowledge.

Sometimes, the village idiot throws his 2 cents in. Opinions are like bung holes…everyone has one, and everyone is going to use it. You have to be willing to nod and smile when the wives tails come flying out. “If your hair is weak and limp, it’s a girl because it’s stealing the mother’s looks.”

There are tons of good…and stupid…products for babies. And as long as there are babies or pregnant women, people will make ‘em, and sale ‘em.

And something I already knew but have seen it magnified:

My wife is amazing. She is not a martyr. She doesn’t hide behind her pregnancy. She doesn’t use it as an excuse. She is so strong. She has kept her sense of humor and good nature, even when the demon spawn within her rears its ugly head. My respect for her has only grown stronger.

There’s more, but those are the high points. We shall see what else is out there to be learned in the next 20 weeks…and beyond.

Does anyone else get pissed watching Super Nanny? I really think people should have to take a parenting test. This episode has a 4 year old with no social skills and the mouth of a sailor, and a 10 year old that is in desperate need of attention from his parents or at least some stimulation. The parents were so freaking lifeless when it came to the kids. The only way the ten year old could get any reaction from the mom was to behave badly. How can they not see that?

Dad is a cop, but has absolutely no enforcement in his body. He treated the eldest like a four year old and ignored the youngest. It was dead parenting at its best.

“I’ve never met two parents with so little enthusiasm” Jo says. AHHHH!!! Why is it ok for these people to procreate. She called them “lame”. They had no rules, no planned activities. they set in the kitchen while their kids played and cursed.

“It just hard” the mom would say. I’m sorry, your a parent. Stop whining and try something. And, how is it hard to set in the kitchen and let things happen?

In our house, we do stuff. We find neat things to do. Even on a lazy day, we break up the video games with trips to the store or walking the dog. And, it’s not an option or a discussion, it’s just the way it is. And, it’s usually the best part of the day.

As a parent, you have to decide to be the parent. If you don’t, the kids will figure that out, and it will be “hard”. If you decide to be a parent, it will be easier AND you can bring a positive energy to the house.

We are about to start the name journey. In a few weeks we will, hopefully, learn the sex. Then it begins. I mean, we’ve been playing around it, but “Laguna Beach Comer” is not really an option. Family names seem to be a running tradition in both families. Sarah is named for her mother’s mother’s mother and her mother’s father’s mother. I share my dad’s first name and Jack is named after my grandfather and his mom’s uncle. I’m not sure where “Bryan” came from…maybe the hot dog company…my dad likes his food. Also, Jack isn’t really my grandfather’s birth name, it was Arthur Earl, but everyone called him Jack.

Now, this isn’t a hard and fast rule, but I’m sure family names will weigh in. What are some of the ways you chose names, or some of traditions you families hold?

As I am writing this, and asking my wife how to spell Arthur, this is the reaction:

“Why the hell are you writing “Arthur”. We are not naming our child “Arthur”!

“But it’s a family name.” I like to aggravate situations.

“Your family can kiss my ass. “Art” do you want to call him “Art”? what about “Thor”? “Thor”.

We are newlyweds…I guess. October 14. We lived in sin for about a year before that. Still, sometimes hearing the self proclaimed lifetime bachelorette/never having children Sarah say certain things catches me off guard.

“Bad dog, we don’t eat Power Rangers.”

It’s strange, the duality that is my house. Jack’s room stays shut most of the time, to keep down on the power bill. Then, every two weekends, we become a house with a kid. This weekend, our pointer ate 2 pirates, a cannon, and a power ranger. We started a science experiment to see whose mouth would grow more bacteria, Jack’s, the dog’s, or the cat’s. Our female cat was not keen on this and snapped the q-tip in half we were using for sampling her cheek.

So, every two weekends also becomes a strange new world for Sarah. I know sometimes a seven year old can be very…different to be around. His energy is manic and he feels the need to be the center of attention. So it’s not always easy for Step-mom Sarah. Especially we we loose a hero like the blue ranger. She does an amazing job though. I am impressed with her instinct and parenting skills. This baby will have an amazing mom.

Once again, we are watching “Super Nanny” on ABC. Again, we are the perfect parents.

This week, there is a young family in Utah with 3 children; 6, 5 and 2. The eldest has been diagnosed with ADHD. Mom is pregnant. She’s a stay at home mom and dad is a mail carrier. The house is pandemonium.

Here’s my beef. The dad is as useless as tits on a boar hog. He would come home, after delivering mail, and disappear for an hour, eat, then disengage again. The poor mother was handling these 3 children all day, one an extra challenge, and dad was NEVER present. He laughed it off the first time he was called out about it.

“Am I like that” I asked Sarah.

“No, because if you were, I’d be like ‘you need to do something.’”

I can’t believe that fathers do this…or any parent. I have witnessed the absent mom first hand. It’s hard to be giving everything and have no help.

I realize that we are talking about 2 parent homes. When it was just me and Jack, i knew it was just us and set my mind around that. I had a different mindset. I think it’s something all single parents do. When you do have another parent in the house, however, you should be able to plan on that support. When you give everything you have in hope of tag teaming at some point, then it not happening, it is extremely frustrating, even maddening.

So here’s my advice. Talk. Let each other know what you need. Not in the heat of the moment. Talk to your partner about what you need. What are you not good at? What are they better at. When do you need to tag team? What are the signs your partner needs to be aware of? Talk…and listen. Share in the parenting. Talk about what works and what doesn’t.

It’s not always easy to be a parent. You shouldn’t have to fight your partner to accomplish it.