Sympathy Pain

One of my favorite times of the day is around 3:00am. Yes I’m sleepy and a bit bearish at first, but once I’m up and around, the next hour or so is cool.

“Why’s he up so early?” “Where’s Bryan and what have you done with him?” Well, it is true I like my sleep, but the 3 am feeding is mine. Tony is a very laid back kid, or my feelings on this might be a little different, so the middle of the night bottle is a good time for us. It’s one of the few times in the day that the house is quite, I’ve got total control of the remote or music, and it’s just us. Sometimes we play alittle, others is just business and back to sleep.

I know many fathers who are apprehensive about time with the baby. They don’t speak the same language. They do weird things like looking for a nipple on your arm. Their movements are automatic and non controllable. They are so fragile. They cry. Guess what, they are the exact same way for mom. So whatever fears you have, know that mom is probably having the same ones. It’s natural. However, you need to build a bridge. put the negative behind you. Know that you can do this.

Have fun. That baby is going to cry and you are not going to cause permanent damage if he does. Just stay relaxed. Talk to him. Laugh. Give him good vibes instead of stress. The important thing is to stay in control. Just relax. If you feel yourself going to the dark side, take a break. He’ll be fine. Then, have fun. play with those toes. Make “super flying binja baby”…or something. Burp and hold him. Snuggle. It’s all fun stuff.

So that’s why, my friends, I can get up at 3:00 am and, within just a few minutes, have a smile on my face…even if the boy is trying to eat my arm and whimpering. It’s all about attitude. Just remember to have fun.

Yes, we went out last night…to an adult get together of sorts. My friend Doug invited us over for some gumbo and camaraderie last night. We haven’t really done that with the baby, either gumbo nor camaraderie, so we decided to go. We had a blast and Tony stole the evening. He’s just very laid back…unless he’s hungry… and was great last night. He even discovered Bob Marley. Maybe he’ll become a reggae artist.

The Gumbo rocked. I had never eaten this bayou concoction, but I will place it on my list now. Sarah, having spent time in Alexandria LA, was very familiar with Gumbo and gave it the thumbs up. Being Italian, she doesn’t give food a positive rating unless it’s really good. Maybe Steph can give us a good Gumbo recipe.

Now, I can hear some of you now…”That baby’s too young to have out with groups.” Settle down. They were all great about the baby, and nobody licked him or sneezed on him…that I saw.

Doug is also a photographer. So we took the opportunity to get some publicity shots of Tony. They look great. We will gladly give them to the tabloids for a small fee once Tony gets famous.

We were there for about an hour, and I think it did both of us good to get out on a non baby related errand. I think it’s very important to get out as people instead of slaves of the baby. I also know that Uncle Doug loved holding that baby. I see them getting into trouble in a few years.

Here’s a sample of the pics taken last night. For more you’ll have to go to my Flicker page . Caution, there is alot of cute to be had.

We went to the OB today. Sarah is at 39 weeks. She’s past ready to have the baby. Today we talk about induction, according to the doctor last week.

I started thinking about what my job was as the guy at the OB. I perused some magazines and tried to find something other than an add to read. I read parts of the articles to Sarah. They were ridiculous at times. I made obligitory eye contact with the 2 other men in the waiting room. I tried to figure out the flower arrangement in the middle of the room…to no avail.

It’s my job to get up when her name is called, only to set back down when they want her only for the weigh in an pee test. More magazine flipping, and a few more nods of the heads to fellow dads-to-be. I know I’m not alone when I see them. (more…)

Can’t do it with a butter knife.

We had friends over tonight. They have an amazing 16 month old boy. I’ve always felt a little bond with this one. He’s a cutie.
We also had Jack tonight. I rarely get to see him with a little one in this house. Usually we are at another house when this type of interaction occurs. It was really weird to see him in his element with another little one. He was very sweet with the little one…he always is. But I also noticed him just doing stuff to get attention. He was scrubbing his way across the floor on his butt, asking if “a normal person would do this”. I could see that the only child in him was screaming to get attention, but the gentle little boy he is was also there making sure Matthew had a good time…letting him play with his toys, helping him around, and showing off the animals. It was just a foreshadowing.
I also saw me being torn between the 2. It was the first time, in this house, that I had to split my time between 2 children. It was a little strange. Again, Jack is old enough and good natured enough to understand…now, with a guest. It will be curious to see if that good natured self wins out over the only child side. And if I can recognize how to split my time and when to merge us as a family.
And on the Santa List front…I am getting up at 6:00 tomorrow to try to beat the crowd to get Jack a Wii. I have had the worst time finding one, but hopefully I can get one tomorrow at one of the Thanksgiving sales. It’s like getting a freak-in tickle me Elmo or cabbage patch kid. Times…they have a changed.

Since the beginning of time, kids tune into which parent plays what roles and prey on that. Who will say yes to ice cream? Who will say yes to a sleep over? Who will say yes to a week in Amsterdam at an opium din? It happens. I did it. I watched my sister do it. It was different for each. I could do no wrong in my Mom’s eyes…not that I ever did. My sister is my Dad’s child.
(more…)

What’s Halloween like in the Comer/Brown House? Well, this year it’s on a Wednesday. That’s my day with Jack. So, I offered to get his costume and get him ready for the evening. I picked him up after school, around 3:15. We stopped by the store to get safety pins and a trick and treat bag. Then on to the house to do homework and eat. Sarah got home, and we began the transformation. My little freckled face, blond haired boy became Jack-ula, the undead.

We went to the Baptist church up the street, to their Trunk-or-treat. This was Sarah’s first experience with the boy on Halloween, and her first Trunk-or-Treat. This church does it up right, with 5 inflatable play forts/slides. They also had about 20 cars decorated and giving candy out at each. It’s a great option for the 8 and under crowd. It’s a great way to enjoy Halloween in a safe, controlled way.

I do have to say at this point, some people should have a personal costume cop at there house. One lady, at this church function, showed more breast than I saw at my bachelor party. I’m not really sure who or what she was supposed to be. But nice ta tas. And…Super Girl, without the super abs. I wanted to buy her a body suit.

After 45 minutes, we traveled to bio-mom’s house. She lives in a sub division that does Halloween right. People park at the mouth of the sub division, and but the dozens, walk through. Some have flatbed hay rides. A bunch of the house are decked out with Halloween decorations. Jack was off with his friend to finish the trick or treating…without me.

Sarah and I went home, tried to give out some candy, and plopped on the coach to watch Gordon Ramsey tear an Indian restaurant to shreds.

Not very “Leave it to Beaver” but Jack had an awesome night. It would have been easy to just let Jack hang with his mom, but I really enjoyed having Sarah help get him ready then see the “crazy boy” at Trunk or Treat. I think he also was able to get the best of both houses.

I’d love to say that every holiday in a split family is this easy…but it’s not. Just read Kimberly’s site.

Before I start…I have to say that I never new they went away…Sock Monkeys…

Anyway. I love the updates I get from a few sites about the development of the baby. They all give approximate weight and length, but then they differ slightly in the rest of the information they send. Here’s a few things I learned with this weeks update…a sample, if you will, for those who don’t use them. (more…)

I love North Alabama. We build rockets here for crying out loud. Having said that:
I awoke early this morning to go to Jack’s football. I REALLY wanted to sleep in. Sarah has been sinus-y…and pregnant and I am just sinus-y, so sleep is not uninterupted.
Side note:Did you know you could take sud-a-fed when pregnant? We didn’t think so, and neither did the on call nurse when she called to ask, and neither did the pharmacist. But, when Sarah was at her check up, she mentioned the congestion. He, who had already stated that he was “way behind” said, “just take sud-a-fed”…guess he’s the doc. (more…)

Because of the recent post, I know many of you saw this article and thought, “Oh Hell, Bryan has some anti Homeschooling fador now.” But I read this article and my first reaction was, “Why on Earth do you buy your child an arsenal of weapons at age 14…or any age?”

He was taken out of his high school because he was picked on. I don’t know to what extent this was, but it seems it was a major issue and something had to be done. But it also seems that this child was extremely unstable, and probably not just from the bullying at school. He was planning a Columbine type attack…using a arsenal the Canadian army is envious of.

“This was a smart kid that clearly believes he was picked on and was a victim,” Castor said. “He had psychological issues and began to act out on those feelings.”

His mother has been charged with some weapons violations. This was, as Will stated, a case of a home that had bigger issues than trying to home school.

So, no, I don’t see this as a direct result of home schooling. I also don’t see this as a direct result of the bullying. I believe this kid was failed by the school system, and his mother. Someone should have seen him as a psychological time bomb and found help for him. This mother should have never attempted homeschooling…or parenting it seems.

OH, and his father:

Authorities said Friday that the boy’s father also tried to buy his son a rifle in 2005, but was not allowed to because he was a felon, authorities said Friday.

Frank Cossey was sentenced to house arrest for lying about his criminal record when he went to buy a .22-caliber rifle for his son in December 2005, police said Friday. On his application he said he had never been convicted of a felony, but he had pleaded guilty in 1981 to manslaughter in a drunken driving death in Oklahoma and sent to prison, police said.

I fell horrible for any child in this position. He was in a horrendous home, and seems that either the school never acted, or he was pulled by his mother before they could help.

“No child left behind?” here’s one. Any thoughts?

How bout you gun enthusiast? I’m not a fan of guns. Never had to shot anything…other than at a stunt show (I was the Joker)… and Batman had it coming, bastard. I just don’t see why anyone would need this firepower…unless you were being hunted a 17 headed ninja…then you’re screwed anyway.

homeschool, dillon cossey, Michele Cossey, no child left behind

So, how many of you know what onomatopoeia means? My seven year old does. He made some noise today and said “That’s an onomatopoeia.”

Man, did that stop me short…I had to do a quick mental check for the word myself. It’s weird to hear something like that come out of my little boy.

That baby who handed his mom a wolf spider when he was two…which was scary and awesome all in the same moment.

That little boy who couldn’t reach the water fountain, so I’d have to hold him while he drank…and drank…and drank.

That little guy who stood in the hallway cheesing a huge smile on his first day of school…then freaked out when he was dropped off.

He now wears a size 3 shoe. His grandmother can actually fit in these shoes. He had 1 1/2 of homework tonight. I don’t remember having homework until I was in 3rd or 4th grade…and it had something to do with macaroni art. We had math, and reading, and spelling, and a project on the cottonmouth snake…no, admittedly I knew about the cottonmouth at his age, but that’s because I was raised next to a cattle farm.

“They grow up so fast” is the old adage…and true. And, when you are the non custodial parent…it goes even faster. For all you “part time” parents (I hate that term…but it fits) be even more appreciative of the time with your child. Before you know it…they’ll pop out the “onomatopoeia” card…oh, by the way…

on·o·mat·o·poe·ia [on-uh-mat-uh-pee-uh, ‑mah-tuh‑]
–noun 1. the formation of a word, as cuckoo or boom, by imitation of a sound made by or associated with its referent.

…Oh…and on the snoring front…I still am, but I’m supposed to go to a sleep specialist soon, if my insurance pays for it. But, I may not need it…check this out.

And…random link for those of you who go to the movies…ah movies…that sounds nice.

We had an…incident…at work today. One of our managers, who has a military type background, doesn’t always use the friendliest tone. One of our sales people decided to let him know this. She was so angry at the way he talked to her, that she was almost in tears. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a child”

It got me thinking of the ways I hear parents talk to their children. I don’t believe in talking to your child like an equal, but I do believe in talking to them in a non insulting way. I remember all the times I heard my friends parents say things to them that my parents would never say, almost purposefully hurtful things. “Stupid children” was a favorite of a fellow teacher in my previous life. It drove me nuts. Be careful how you talk to your child. Find that medium where you are still the parent, but not verbally abusive.

It drives me nuts to walk into a home that is dangerous for young toddlers…and has toddlers in it. exposed plugs, breakables easily reached, cleaners on lower levels. It’s just common sense. We are about to start the safety process at the house. Here’s some safety tips for newborns. Yes, newborn safety is different than “crawling around, exploring” safety, but newborns kinda come first.
Now I never went overboard with Jack. There is a difference between safe and sterile. Kids have to learn not to mess with things and to be careful around breakables. My aunt has a ton of knick-knacks. We learned not to touch and not to play around them. When we were very small, we weren’t allowed in certain rooms. Then, as we were old enough to know better, those areas were opened to us. Never did she move stuff because of us, we just learned. AND, never did we break anything…that I remember. If you teach your kids at home, they will do that much better at friends and family.

Wow…So, tonight’s Super Nanny hit me hard. The mom had 2 older boys from a previous relationship, and 3 more together. The parents never should have had more children. They said they started having major issues just months after they moved in together. They never talked to each other, only blamed each other for downfalls that they both had a hand in. Why would you start a family under those circumstances. She had actually filed for divorce 6 months before the taping of the show. Children deserve more. The older children, especially the eldest, caught the brunt of dad’s frustration. The dad was always on this boys case, about nothing. The dad blamed the boy for their failing to connect. This poor nine year old shouldered an unbelievable amount of pressure. The boy actually said they were on this show to save his parents marriage. No child should ever have to say something like that.

Again, I’m going to need you to be the adult. Have your shit together when you decide to have a family. When things come up, deal with them. They seemed to harbour all this crap from the past…and project it onto your children. It like if mom did something 5 years ago, dad put it in a mental file and took it out on the family. OR, he would exclude himself from the family while there, almost in a show of resentment towards her. Get off the cross!

Sarah and I aren’t perfect. We have our moments. We have had some pretty big arguments. But, we deal with it, learn from it, and leave it behind. If we do bring it back up, it’s to laugh about how stupid we were.

AND, I really believe that if you are so unhappy…so defeated…get the divorce. Stay involved in the children’s life, but give them a happier world to live in. I can’t speak for my ex-wife, but I know Jack has a much better example of a loving family than he would if we had stayed together. YES DIVORCE SUCKS! It took me at least a year to go though all the stages I needed to in order to become Bryan again. Some take longer. However, now, I am the father I wanted to be for him and Tony.No I am not “full-time” dad…and that also sucks, but I am a better role model now than Jack would have had otherwise.

Also, 6 months of the divorce, just hanging there, stagnant. She had filed it, and it was just a wedge. If you get to the point of divorce, it’s not a bargaining tool. It’s not a threat. It’s a legal declaration of separation. Shit or get off the pot. I didn’t file for divorce until the ex- and I said “done”, then the proceedings happened.

So, in closing. Be the adult. Have your world in order. Make sure you are comfortable in your own skin. If you aren’t, your children will suffer.

It was a Jack weekend. Saturday was great. Jack had his first football game. They won 13 to 12. We watched “Star Wars, The Phantom Menace”…I want that to be a better movie. He enjoyed it. We also hit the photo booth at the mall for a little father son memories. We had a great day.

I woke up Sunday morning with a very sore throat. I got achy as the day progressed. I tried playing game cube with Jack, but didn’t even feel well enough to enjoy that. I hate being sick on one of the few days I have with him. I feel like I’m taking away alot from him.

I’m not a video game junkie. I get alittle frustrated over games… Sarah might say alot. I also grew up outside. Not camping and such, but riding my bike and playing with my animals. I’m not an Nintendo baby.

A couple years ago, I got Jack a Game Cube. We monitor his playing, because he will play for hours if allowed. Usually, it is broken up with “Wanna see what I did?”, but still, hours. So we find things to do in between the games. Some days we make it through without turning it on.

If you can’t tell, video games are not my idea of a great weekend get away.

However, there is nothing better than having your seven year old laying on top of you, playing game cube, on the bunk bed, on a HOT Saturday afternoon. It was very cool.