Sympathy Pain

I saw this study today…and sadly, it doesn’t surpise me.

ATLANTA, Georgia (AP) — About 1 in 50 U.S. infants are victims of nonfatal child abuse or neglect in a year, according to the first national study of the problem in that age group.

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In high school, I had a crush on Ami. We went to the Braves game, I bought her a bracelet, but we never “went out”. I was shy back then. Towards the end of our senior year, we had a falling out and lost touch after school. I always wanted to get back in touch with her. When they started working on my 10th year reunion, I got in contact with the organizer. She got me Ami’s information, and we began talking again. I was contemplating divorce, and she was divorced and happily remarried to a police officer in Savannah.

In the last year, I have not heard much from Ami, then I found out why. Her husband was in trouble:

Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan Police Officer Antonio Franklin Taharka was indicted today on a voluntary manslaughter charge in the May slaying of another man.

The Chatham County Grand Jury found that Taharka shot Anthony Smashum with a gun “while acting solely as the result of a sudden, violent, and irresistible passion.”

The grand jury found that action resulted “from serious provocation sufficient to excite such passion in a reasonable person.”

The indictment stated Smashum had resisted arrest, prompting the officer to shoot him.

The same grand jury refused to indict Taharka on a felony murder charge in the case. That charge would have meant the officer committed aggravated assault by shooting Smashum.

Ami sent me this link for his defense fund. Please read over the articles and see if you can help in any way.

Thanks,

I can’t imagine why someone would take their own life.

Matt Cardelle, born May 25, 1974. When I was about 6 or 7, we started having birthday parties together. Mine is the 28th. His family lived about 3/4 mile up the road. Matt was really the only friend I had until I started 1st grade. After a few years of the co-parties, I started to dislike them. They were always at his house, because they had a carport, which is a great place to let the cool aid spill and big wheels roll. It always seemed he got the better, and higher quantity, of gifts. But it was the way of things for many years.

When he was about 7, me 9, we tried a sleep over at my house. He didn’t make it past midnight. He got scared and wanted to go home. At first, I tried to be all big brotherly, and talk him down, but after a while, I was ready to sleep, and him to go home. We never tried it again.

I stayed at his house a couple times. He had 2 younger sisters, which was unfamiliar ground to me. I think it was there I learned to always put the seat lid down on the toilets. I was actually slightly afraid of going to the bathroom in that house. I usually tried to hold it until I got home…or was in the woods behind the house.

Once we got into school, especially 4th grade and up, the visits became less and less. The parties finally became separated. Our families drifted apart. Then we moved across the county.

Every once and a while, I still dream about Matt and his sisters. Just a month ago, I dreamt about going back to my old house, and taking pictures for Sarah. Matt was there and tattled on me trying to still a disposable camera for the attempt. Him and some guy in a wheelchair who broke my car…yes I was tired that night.

My dad called last night.

“I have some news. Matt Cardelle killed himself.”

Pause…

“Wow”

Pause…

“Yeah, he was living with some girl and they got into a fight. She said something, and he told her ‘well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore’ pulled out a gun, and shot himself.”

Pause…

“Wow”

I can’t imagine why someone would take their own life. I have been at the bottom of the happy curve before. I may have said things to people to get a reaction, even scare them, but never was I committed to taking my life. It seems so selfish and useless. A waste. Especially if you are involved with someone. What satisfaction do you get from hurting someone if your dead. If you really hate them, continue living and be an ass. That’s much more rewarding. Break up and do great things, that will really get to them. But just shooting yourself. Wow.

Matt was 33 years old. What a waste.

Talk about teens and tough love…A mom in Des Moines found a bottle of adult beverage in her 19 year old’s car. Instead of grounding him, or Chinese water torture…which always gets Jacks attention…she sold his car. If that wasn’t enough, she took out the following ad…alittle salt in the wound.

OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don’t love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet.

So I’m on the fence about this. My hippy part thinks “He’s 19. Let him be a teenager. You can bet he drowned himself in his sorrow over this, so what lesson did it teach him?”

Then the dad part of me is like, “Good Job. Take the power away from him and show him who’s boss. If he can’t be smarter than this, he needs a parent to snap him back.”

I never really drank growing up. I did have a small party my freshman year of college, while my folks were away. It got alittle outta hand, but I thought I cleaned up nicely…except the 6 different brands of cigarette butts around the pool, beer in the baptist fridge , and girls necklace on my rent’s bed post. My southern baptist parents where mostly confused by all this. I told them the truth, had some people over and it got outta hand. It worked and I got a slap on the wrist…but never had another “Parents away” party. Didn’t like the stress…or explaining a girl’s necklace on my folks PG rated bed post.

What do you think. Should mom have sold the car? Or could she have found a different way to humiliate her son?

I opened Yahoo today, and saw a slew of public schools gone wrong stories. I wanted to share, out of equal time and all.

Two hugs equals two days of detention for 13-year-old Megan Coulter. The eighth-grader was punished for violating a school policy banning public displays of affection when she hugged two friends Friday.

Damn. I agree Public displays of affection can go too far…I saw it all the time, but this is ridiculous. Especially in middle school and between to of the same sex. It’s just very communist…if you will. Now, she had been warned before, so there’s that part of me that’s like…that’s just dumb on her part. But the rule seems alittle out of control.

TUUSULA, Finland - An 18-year-old student opened fire in a Finnish high school Wednesday, killing seven students and the principal before turning the gun on himself, police said.

This kid had been posting videos on You Tube. It makes my heart sink to think of what happened in that school. Ans it seems it was avoidable.

A middle school student…fleeing to Mexico…I got nothing. And I’m not the only one sickened by this stuff.

This is why I want to be involved in my community and its schools. I don’t want to take care of only my house while the rest of the world goes to hell. I will protect my family, be involved in there spheres of involvement, and hopefully raise children who will continue to make a difference in the big picture.

http://www.lookydaddy.com/weblog/2007/10/as-two-days-str.html

I was going to right something about our anniversary, but read this over at Looky Daddy. Please read and send out some good thoughts.

This is something that Sarah and I have talked about. Rather or not there should be a time limit of some type on marriages. Well, this Bavarian politician thinks there should be.

“The basic approach is wrong … many marriages last just because people believe they are safe,” she told reporters. “My suggestion is that marriages expire after seven years.”

What do you think? Come on…speak up.

“If mothers ruled the world, there wouldn’t be any god -” she said when the sound went dead and the camera suddenly turned away from the stage so viewers would be distracted. Chopped off were the words “goddamn wars in the first place.”

I have to say I am not a Sally Fields fan. She actually annoys me on film…unless she is playing mentally disturbed people…or a flying nun…then she’s great. Yes, I even hated her in Steel Magnolias. But what she said…and was censored…got me thinking. Why is this a general thought among the fairer sex?

Is it because their grief is more when a son or daughter is lost? Do mothers hold the market on the pain of loosing a child? I’ll never be a mother, but I get the same cold chill and sick stomach every mother gets every time I think of something happening to Jack. I find this is generally blown off with the phase “But you didn’t go through nine months with him in your body.” True, I did not, but I was there when he took his first breath. I was the first, other than the doctor, to hold him. There were days that the only reason I got out of bed was him.

And lets look at women rulers throughout history.

Medea…now the story may have been just good drama, many tails have her deserting or killing her children to spite the king. Obviously, the maternal instinct didn’t help her children.

Cleopatra- Had children with both Julius Caesar and Mark Anthony. We see how many wars and battles occurred because of her whims. Having ovaries didn’t stop her from being ruthless.

Queen Victoria…who married her cousin…and had the longest reign of any English monarch, virtually disappeared after Prince Albert died, leaving the thrown relatively uninhabited, and her country without a queen. Lets not forget he Crimean war took place during her reign…she did have some help from Napoleon…

And lets not forget Margaret Thatcher. She was a mother of twins. Under her, Great Britain, during the 1981 Iranian Embassy Siege, for the first time in 70 years British armed forces where authorized to use lethal force. also, she allowed 10 political prisoners to starve to death during a hunger strike, stating she could not give in to demands that they have their rights returned. Not very “motherly”.

My point is, just because you are a parent, rather mother or father, the world is a very heavy thing to have on your shoulders. I realize that some of the women listed above were just figure heads or even fictionally presented, but others still either saw the necessity of war or were selfish enough not to care. There are lots of mothers out there that do awful things to their children, and believing that one in power would be incapable of the same thing to an entire nation is short sighted at best.

I am considering voting for Hilary…so I’m not anti woman in positions of authority, I just don’t think that having mother’s “rule the world” would change anything…other than there may be nap and cookie time every day. I kid.

Five breast-feeding mistakes new moms make, and how to fix them - CNN.com*