Sympathy Pain

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - One of the last shipments to a U.S. research base in Antarctica before the onset of winter darkness was a year’s supply of condoms, a New Zealand newspaper reported Monday.

Bill Henriksen, the manager of the McMurdo base station, said nearly 16,500 condoms were delivered last month and would be made available, free of charge, to staff throughout the year to avoid the potential embarrassment of having to buy them.

The base only has a skeleton staff through the long winter.

“Since everybody knows everyone, it becomes a little bit uncomfortable,” Henriksen told the Southland Times newspaper.

About 125 scientists and staff are stationed at McMurdo base, the largest community in Antarctica, during the winter months when there is constant darkness.

The first sunrise will occur on August 20 and McMurdo’s population will start to increase again in September when supply flights resume, peaking at more than 1,000 during the summer period.

(Reporting by Kazunori Takada, editing by Miral Fahmy)

Turning 36. What does that buy me? Let’s see…at 15 got my permit, 16 my license, 18 could vote and smoke, 21 alchol, 25 rent a car…um…what other milestones are their except getting older? AARP? Social Security?Depends?

Anyway, today was great. I had lunch with my awesome wife. We then closed on our house. What a great b-day memory. I’m very excited and am glad I have mastered telekinesis so the move will be effortless. Sarah got me the Wii fit and Jack a Wii “rayman raving rabbit” game. Now we just have to get the game console unpacked and set back up. The “rabbit” game looks right down my alley…stupid humor. And the Wii fit will help me reach 37. Thanks to my sis-in-law for the Amazon card. I’m sure something Wii related will come to me UPS ground next week.

Dinner was a trip to Chuck E Cheese, My choice. The pizza is much better than it once was. I remember it as being just better than ketchup on a cracker. Now it’s pretty tasty. Jack and I played many a game while Sarah and Tony watch all the action. The flashing lights and whirling games wore Tony out…and Sarah too. Now, on the couch with my bride…Dell lap top on my lap…Mac on her’s.

This has been quite a year. I am very blessed. Thanks for all the b-day greetings. I’m sure that there is some milestone I broke today. If nothing else I’m in my late thirties now. Hot damn!

I am the middle of the night feeding pro in the house. Sarah gets up early, so she takes care of the butt crack of dawn feeding. But if you read this you know that already.

Last night Tony was a little…well…awake. He talks to himself when he wakes up, or grunts. So by the time the 3: oo am feeding came up, I had already been up and down a few times. So I was slightly sleepy.

Tony ate like he hadn’t in days, and then was wide awake. We played some. I held him and sang to him. He was in a very good mood. It made me less sleepy, but still, sleepy none the less.

Then I heard it. As I reclined on the couch and he lay on my chest, I heard it. It was this cross between a cough and a burp. A noise made in the back of the throat which means…”MOVE!!!”. I was no longer sleepy at all.

Wow! I knew I had only feed him 6 ounces, but a gallon of formula and bile came out of that sweet little mouth that, only moments earlier, had been laughing and cooing. It hit my chest and soaked every part of my torso. I laid him down, after the explosion, and tried to take the shirt off without getting the stuff all over my head and hair. It didn’t happen. I grabbed the “Wet Ones” and gave myself an unsatisfying sponge bath, while standing in the kitchen.

The whole time, I heard this cute little voice giggling in the back ground. He knows funny.

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. - They’re proudly displayed by any self-respecting bull, but dangling big metal ones on the back end of a truck could be banned in Florida.

Metal replicas of bull testicles have become trendy bumper ornaments in some parts of the Sunshine State, but state Sen. Carey Baker is campaigning to ban the orbs.

Baker acknowledged that Florida lawmakers have more pressing issues, including huge revenue shortfalls, but said the state needs to draw a line on what’s obscene before more objectionable adornments appear.

State Sen. Steve Geller argued against Baker’s bill.

“I find it shocking that we should be telling people that have the metallic bull testicles … you’re now going to have points on your license for this,” said Geller.

Geller was in the minority. Baker’s bill to fine drivers $60 for displaying the ornaments passed the Senate. It’s now up to the House, but there’s only a slim chance that members of that chamber would pass the measure before the session ends this coming Friday.

If it were to be passed, Gov. Charlie Crist has not indicated whether he would sign it, although he has not been too critical of this and other not-so-pressing issues.

“It’s good to have some things that maybe aren’t quite as serious. Got to have a little levity,” the governor said.

A similar bill in Virginia, aimed at rubber trailer hitch replicas of human genitalia, died in committee this year.

I’m feeling better…thank (insert deity here). It was nasty. I have little energy…but I have kept food in. Tony’s doing much better…but hasn’t pooped since his last nasty diaper yesterday morning. We’re waiting…
 

It’s a Jack weekend. We had bet Sarah to the house. She and Tony came in and we started discussing our evening plans. She had picked up stuff to make pizza…which is an awesome dinner project for her and Jack. He loves doing it…and it turns out tasting amazing.
 

My allergies have gone nuts…mostly due to the lack of medicine in the last few days. I also realize I’m out of some of it. So I decide to run to the store. Jack wants to stay and play Wii. Tony is in his exersaurcer…looks like a good time for a quick trip…
 

…until I pass the Binja.
 

“Um…damn…he’s…” The smell leaves me in a Neanderthalic, monosyllabic state.
 

“What”‘ Sarah asks? At this point I really have to stop myself from shrugging and walking out the door like I had no idea what lurked below.
 

I pick up Tony, “I think…”
 

“Oh yeah…”she says, seeing a wet spot growing on the back of his camouflage outfit. “Just put him in the sink.”
 

I paused somewhere in the kitchen…and it was there that we started fully understanding what we were dealing with. Some green liquid dripped out of or son’s one-sie, sown his leg and onto the floor.

“Um…damn…”I’m very eloquent in these situations.
 

“We’ll just cut him out.” Sarah states. She’s done this before.
 

I can’t really describe what came out of that child. I can state that the “6-13lbs” on the diaper box doesn’t mean it will hold that much…but it sure tried.
 

So, we threw away the outfit with the diaper…The baby was rinsed off like a dog who had rolled in its own feces…and my nausea returned with force…but he was a much happier baby for the rest of the evening.

I was very excited. After weeks of trying to come up with a vanity tag, I had it. “Sneetch” I love the Sneetches. Most people who know the story alittle think that the Sneetchs are creatures who can’t be taught.

Then, when every last cent of their money was spent,
the Fix-It-Up-Chappie packed up and he went.
And he laughed as he drove in his car up the beach,
“They never will learn; no, you can’t teach a Sneetch!” “You can’t teach a Sneetch”.

But that’s not the moral of the story…

But McBean was quite wrong, I’m quite happy to say,
the Sneetches got quite a bit smarter that day.
That day, they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches,
and no kind of Sneetch is the BEST on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars,
and whether they had one or not upon thars.

It truly is a story about equality among the masses. No matter your outside appearance. It teaches acceptance.

So, I go to the tag office, after making sure I was spelling “Sneetch” correctly, and stood in line. for 30 minutes. I get to the front of the line, tell her what I want, she checks it out, and it is available. Then she gets this wrinkled brow look as she continues to work the computer.

“It won’t let you have it.”

“Why not? Is it actually taken?”

“No, the state capital considers it a bad word.”

“…huh?”

“Yes, it’s like “Snitch”, and that is not allowed. You’d get into trouble.”

“Um…it’s from a Seuss Story. How could that be bad?”

“Well, Montgomery says it is.”

“Well, Montgomery should read more.”

“You can tell Montgomery that” she said with a sneer…Grinch!

A few weeks ago Tony and I were up for one of our nightly feedings. (yes I would eat too…a practice I have stopped) Anyway, he was almost asleep, and I stood up to take him to bed, figuring I would have to do some swaying, patting, and humming. As I stood up, I guess my dunlap syndrome belly pinched his foot and he went off. It sounded like I had jerked his arm off. I felt horrible…and he was just screaming. Oh damn…but then, when the crying stopped after a couple minutes, he was asleep…and stayed that way. I felt bad that i had caused him pain…or scared him…but man I was happy he was asleep.

So last night, he ate, it was 2:45, and I was trying to put him down. He was squirming but mostly asleep. I had swaddled him and he had pulled his Houdini impression and already was free. I thought if I could get a pacifier in him, he would calm down and drift off. Unfortunately, I dropped the pacifier right on his forehead, and it sounded like I had ripped his bottom lip off…but after a about a minute and a few pouts, he was out, and sleep well.

And now I know how to put the baby down…pain. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism…like playing opossum. “If he thinks I’m asleep, he won’t hurt me anymore.” Now, you may not be heartless enough to try this out, or you might be afraid department of child services will dome take your child…but at least you will be well rested.

I had a couple moments tonight that made me realize I am a father of the new generation. No more coming home to slippers and a pipe, Mr. Beaver…he he, I said beaver.

The first was as my oldest ask me if I had seen “Jurassic Park.” I was slightly taken aback, thinking it was a little graphic for a 7 year old, but I said yes.

“The t-rex is kinda scary.”

“Yep”

“Especially to be related to a chicken.” Yes, that is the latest theory, that T-rex’s closest relative is the chicken…my 7 year old knew that…did you? I remember hearing that in high school…when I was 15.

The second was with the same boy, as he was wearing my blue tooth ear bud and watching the Muppet’s on my cell phone. It was slight surreal and…dear I say it…very yuppy-ish. At least I didn’t vote republican. And, at least, it was the muppets…Fozi telling bad jokes and being heckled by Waldorf and Stadler.

And the last was tonight with the baby. My wife is at dress rehearsal for the show she is the assistant director for. Which means she’s not here in the evening…and about to fall out from exhaustion. But anyway, back to the moment. I had just finished boiling pacifiers and steaming bottles, and was feeding Tony on the couch. I was watching T.V. Was it ESPN or CNN or even SPIKE? No, I was watching “Project Runway” on BRAVO. Metro-sexual much? They were dressing the WWE Diva’s…who are hot.

Well, that’s my view of fatherhood in the new millenium. My father just felt his manhood take a blow…easy, that’s my dad your thinking about.

Again in the spam filter…I love it. It cracks me up, what they try to do to keep the filter from marking it as spam.

Your girl lived you alone along of she had jazzed it with your mate.
His instrument is bigger than yours and this is the main reason of leave.
Don’t worry man. Today you have amazing possibility to Increase your aggregate size.
Lengthen your machine size and you will forget about problems for sure.
http://dhumbhar.com

I remember the first time I heard this song…”Before he Cheats” by Carrie Underwood. I thought, “Damn, that’s one crazy chic.”

Now, many of you will think, “You Go Girl!!!” (Sorry about the gay 80’s flashback), and I would guess that would be a female reaction. “He had it coming, the SOB!”

Let me take you into my thought process…Here’s an attractive female, who seems to have lots going for her. However she take the time to even care that this guy is scum. Just walk away. Her destructive actions make me think…”Hmmm, maybe there is more to this story.” So going off personal experience, I have created the following scenario in my head:

She meets this guy at a bar, one of those with the ever present smell of nicotine, beer, and hay. It has a name like “Mickies” out front in dim neon. He stops shooting pool long enough to send a tall one her way. She’s disinterested at first, there with her friends to drink and maybe ride the bull. As the evening progresses, he becomes more persistent and she grows more approachable. They leave together, in his ford truck with the roll bar, confederate flag, and small member compensastion package.

The next morning, he is gone. She was smart enough to get his phone number by using his phone to call hers when he was in the bathroom. She’s also glanced through his wallet to see his address. She’d played this game before.

She calls him, but there is no answer. Repeatedly, she hears his voice on the voice mail, but he never returns the call. “He must be busy” she thinks. They had shared something…whispered promises through the haze of alcohol fumes that would last a life time. She had begun to figure out how her name would sound blended with his.

The day progressed and still no call. Maybe she had done something wrong. Maybe he was upset with her for not being “pretty enough”. Well, that couldn’t be it. All her friends told her how amazing she looked, especially after she asked them.

Day turns into evening, and she knows. He is with someone else. She could see it all now. At the bar, saying the same things to some fat slut. Buying her a girly drink. Promising to call the next day.

“I’ll show him!”

As he exits the bar with his brother, he sees his truck in shambles.

“Dude, who did you piss off?” the brother ask.

“I don’t know,” he answers “I only had 2 beers tonight, and played pool with you.”

As they examine the beat to death truck, he sees a name carved in the seats.

“What the…wait that was the girl I took home last night!”

As he continues he slides his hand under the seat and finds something he had been missing since that morning.”Damn, here’s my cell phone…12 new voice mails and 21 missed calls…all from this chic…”

And that’s how it rolls in my head…

I washed the dogs this weekend…which destroyed our tub. The tub was also missing a screw that held the hot water knob on. So, on the way home from work I stopped at The Home Depot, and got Drano and an assortment of faucet handle screws.

I get home and put the Drano into effect. After dinner, I finish the flushing of dog hair into the sewers, and fix the hot water handle. I rinse out the tub, but it is still pretty nasty, so I set the Scrubbing Bubbles to work.

And I get an idea…

“Hey honey, the tub is fixed…including the handle.”

“owww, thanks”

“And it’s clean. Why don’t you take a nice, hot bath. I’ll watch the binja.”

“That would be nice. Sure you don’t mind?”

“No, go for it…but wait a second.”

So I go give the bath a final rinse and find the Aveeno soothing bath foam. She deserves a good bath tonight.

“OK, I’ll take him.”

Sarah slips into the bathroom, radio on. Tony and I are hanging out, he’s almost asleep…for about 2 minutes. He’s getting hungry, but I want to stave off his feeding until a little later. Usually Sarah would give him a bath to do this, so I decide to do the same. He usually likes his bath.

So I get all the stuff together, throw his towel in the dryer so it will be warm, get the water to an agreeable temp, and derobe the baby. He’s ok for a couple seconds…then the water starts to go cold. I had forgotten that my wife will use every drop of hot water the hot water heater will hold in her bath. It was down hill from there.

So when Sarah got out of the tub, I was putting lotion on a half naked baby, who was starving, and letting the entire city hear that I was torturing him with lukewarm water, baby lotion, and starvation tactics.

Hope she had a nice bath. I asked her, but since my ear drums where bleeding, I missed the response.

This is an example of what I get in my spam folder…Just thought I’d share.

Girls like when you have big male aggregate

You Do not please with your male organ size

Girls joke at you…

Don’t lose time you can solve this problem right now.

Use our male instrument enl,argement and Chicks will love you sure enough.

I have tried! Today it is your turn to change your sexual life.

http://dambaaa.com

Mexican boy glues self to bed to avoid school Mon Jan 7, 5:23 PM ET

MONTERREY, Mexico (AFP) - A 10-year-old Mexican boy glued his hand to his bed to avoid going back to school after the Christmas break, authorities said Monday.

“I thought if I was glued to the bed, they couldn’t make me go to school,” the boy, Diego, told AFP. “I didn’t want to go, the holidays were so much fun.”

“I remembered my mom had bought a very strong glue,” he said of the industrial strength shoe glue he used to stick his hand to the bed’s metal headboard, where he stayed stuck for two hours.

His mother Sandra Palacios was unable to free him and called paramedics and police to help. Diego watched cartoons while they worked to unglue him, eventually using a spray to dissolve the chemical adhesive.

“I don’t know why this happened. He is a very good boy,” said his mother.

Diego eventually made it school a few hours late.