Sympathy Pain

He brings an energy to this house. Sometimes is feels like the house is going to vibrate of its foundation because of it, but I like it. He’s always brought an energy and vitality to my life. He’s the reason I made it through some of the dark parts of my life. When I didn’t like who I was or what I was letting happen to me, he made me laugh..and want to be a better dad.

I should be there. I should be there every time he wakes up. I should be there every time he gets home from school. I should be there everytime he does his homework. I should be there when he goes to sleep.

I’m not.

That’s why I sometimes cry after I take him home.

I’m not that dad. I’m just not. I have a degree from a liberal arts college for Christ’s sake.

But when my 8 year old son said he didn’t want to play baseball anymore and wanted to do swim team instead, something happened. He had almost hit the game tying homerun in the playoffs. He was finally showing aptitude in a sport other than Wii Fit. We…I…had put lots of time and money into baseball sign up fees, parking at every playoff game, bats, gloves, cleats…you get the idea. And now, after 3 weeks of swim team…maybe a total of 2 hours actually in the pool, he wants to drop out of any future baseball and be a swimmer? I even bought a county athletics t-shirt. Come on.

He has this habit of coming to the end of a season and, especially if they don’t win the tournament, not wanting to play that sport the next year. Football was the worst…but he’s signed up for football now and excited. This year, after not making it to the final four, he wants to dump baseball. And he ALMOST hit a home run…over the park, not some keystone cop, little league, between the legs home run.

I do hate all the practices and games on late week nights, but its baseball. And he has practice 3 nights a week and on Saturday for an hour every week for swimming. So it’s not much better…if at all. Swim meets are like 3 ½ hours long, and your kid is in the water 3 minutes…tops. Then you have to watch everyone else’s kid, from age 6 to 18 swim, for. For 3 ½ hours…at a hot pool…that you can’t jump into.

His mom, or so he says, is on his side. She is the one usually pushing base ball, but now she’s on the board and involved in the politics. Don’t even get me started down that road. So, if he is to be believed, she is ok, after years of little league, to give into his whim after 3 weeks of practice. Hmmm.

So, we shall see. I always thought this kinda thing would affect me. “Let him do what he wants” I always thought. But…it’s baseball. If he wanted to do both, while they do overlap, that would make me feel better…I guess.

your baby
How your baby’s growing: It’s happening already…your baby is showing the first stirrings of independence. By seven months he can sit well without support and may begin crawling (or bottom shuffling). Some babies this young can even pull themselves up to a standing position while holding onto furniture. If he’s not yet a puller, he’s more than likely a good propper; that is, if you stand him next to the sofa, he’ll probably be able to maintain the posture, hanging on for dear life. With this new independence comes the inevitable bumps and falls of childhood. No matter how carefully you childproof, he’s bound to bonk his elbows or knees someday, so don’t get too upset when it happens.

I’m not ready. I refuse to be. I feel like we just struck an awesome balance of personality and needs. He’s funny. He makes us laugh till it hurts. I love watching him discover his world. I love to see his face when Sarah or Jack comes in the room. I’m not ready for him to be mobile. I’m not ready for him to be “independent”.

I set on the couch this morning watching him in his bouncy set, once again chewing on “Mr. Pig” and terrorizing “Mr. Horsey”. His squeal filled the house and the dogs would come running to lick his face. He’d laugh every time they did. I’m not ready for that to end.

They talk about him developing separation anxiety…I’m just saying, I’m going to miss my little Binja.

It’s like poker night…in an alternate universe. You know…the guys hanging out, pretending that Poker is the reason to be there. You know it’s really about the beer and smokes. All the while the “woman” of the house is trying to stay out of the way, take care of the baby, and be available if needed.

Sarah had Book club last night at the house. Let me say, it was really nice to have a house big enough to have the monthly event at. I knew she was excited about revealing our new abode to the Coven and their supporters. So, I wanted to be there to let that happen. I knew having the 6 month old in the room, while cute, was not conducive to the “book club” vibe.

So after Jack swam in is swim meet, I hurried to my house to find it full of intellectual women, sipping wine, eating finger foods, and swapping stories. I do think there was a book present…but I’m not sure how much was discussed. So, I took the baby and we hung out in Jack’s room. Nothing like having a toddler watch you play Wii…he loves the raving rabbids. I then feed him and off to bed he went… while the joviality continued in the living room. I also watched “Baby Borrowers“…which may deserve a post of its own.

After all the ladies had left, I helped clean up the snacks and such. I know that Sarah did most, if not all, of the prep for the party, but I really had that feeling of being the house wife at a poker game. But, honestly, this group was much hotter and more intelligent than any poker outing I’ve ever seen.

Check out this video: Slow Motion Baby Laughing

Add to My Profile | More Videos

I awoke this morning to a little baby snuggling up next to me. This is not a normal happening. Sarah brought him in and laid down with us. It was nice…even when he spit up in the bed…twice. I dozed on and off for a while. It was nice.

I glanced at the clock and realized the alarm wasn’t turned on, but I was still fine. It was about the time I normally got up. I actually was a little early. So I showered as normal, made the Binja’s bottles and food for the day, swept some of the living room and headed out. Sarah had said goodbye in a leisurely manner about 10 minutes before we left. It was a good morning.

Traffic was extremely light…almost like a holiday morning during the school year. It was awesome. I dropped off the baby at daycare and chatted with my friends there. It was really nice. It was like a perfect spring day.

I headed to work, stopping by McDonalds to grab breakfast. I was about 30 minutes early, eating my sausage biscuit, and jamming to morning radio.

“It’s 9:00 o’clock and that was Elton John…”

Um…no, it’s 8:00. If it were nine…that would mean…I was late by 30 minutes…not early.

Sarah had brought Tony in because I had over slept. When I looked at the clock, I had only looked in the minutes, not the hour. I had been an hour late all morning. I didn’t realize it until I was pulling into work. I can’t tell you how many time in that hour and a half that I had looked at a clock and never really read it.

I felt like a tard.

If you are interested…or a nerd like me…I found this article about the origins of Father’s day.

Anyway, Father’s day was a great success at the Comer-Brown house…mostly. My folks came into town and I had Jack. There was all kinda testosterone in the house. Jack, dad, and I even made a man run to Home Depot Father’s Day morning. We were rendered to grunting and knuckle dragging the moment the automatic door opened and we were faced with lawn mowers and power tools. SMELL THE MUSK LADIES!!!

We did have horror brunch at this place called “Mezza Luna’s”. I guess I should have known when “father’s day” and “brunch” were used in the same sentence. “Brunch” is not the manliest of meals, and then to go to a place with a foreign name that serves something very close to a quiche…real men don’t eat quiche. It was a train wreck.

We then had family over for cake…I think that could become a new tradition. Then some Wii and family time. It was a good day to be a dad.

Here is my favorite quote from the day.

“You have to be nice to dad today AND tomorrow. He has 2 sons.”

So we have decided to go out tonight for my Father’s day diner…that and we were just too tired to do it last night. So I hope you had a pleasant father’s day. I also hope you don’t need a specific day to tell your dad…or anyone important to you…how special they are.

BackFlip Failure

It’s been a heck of a week; I wanted to take a moment to celebrate my son’s 8^th birthday:

June 2, 2000:

It was a beautiful June day. I was about to become a father. The hospital had called us the day before and told us the room was ready…it was like turn down service. We had scheduled an induction. Jack’s mom had some high blood pressure issues during the pregnancy, so our doctor decided to get things going at 37 weeks. We had taken the class and tour. We had “the list” of necessary things. The family was in town. And Jackson Keith arrived around 3:30 that afternoon. I don’t know why, but I didn’t cut the cord. I’ve always regretted that. But he got here, a little jaundiced, but healthy none the less. It is one of my favorite days. We named him after my dad’s father “Jack”…his name was Arthur Earl, but everyone called him Jack…and the bio-mom’s uncle, Keith, how had been killed in a car crash years before.

June 2, 2008:

I have to pick up the Birthday Cake from Costco. He wanted chocolate cake with chocolate icing and a football theme. The party is at 6:00 at the gym where he plays Basketball. His mom is picking up the food and getting the gym ready. 16 boys have been invited, mostly from his baseball team. All of them will show. Jack’s just that kid that everyone enjoys to be around. He’s about to go into the third grade and is reading on a fourth grade level. He’s finding his since of humor. We laugh a lot. I’m very proud of this little guy. He’s beginning to become his own person. It’s amazing to watch. I wish I could freeze him where he is but I also can’t wait to see who he becomes.

I fell in love with Steven Curtis Chapman’s music in College. He’s a contemporary Christian artist, who straddles rock and country. I used some of his music in church dramas will helping at Eagle’s Landing FBC in Atlanta. I’ve always had his cd on my ipod and still enjoy listening. The company I work for does the lighting for his tour and I have been backstage a couple times at his concerts.

I was extremely saddened to get this news at our sales meeting Thursday morning:

At approximately 5pm on the afternoon of Wednesday May 21st, Maria Sue Chapman, 5 years old and the youngest daughter to Steven and Mary Beth Chapman was struck in the driveway of the Chapman home in Franklin, TN. Maria was rushed to Vanderbilt Childrens Hospital in Nashville, transported by LifeFlight, but died of her injuries there. Maria is one of the close knit family’s six children and one of their three adopted daughters.

More than five years ago, Chapman and his wife MaryBeth founded The Shaohannah’s Hope Ministry after bringing their first adopted daughter, Shaohannah, home from China. The ministry’s goal is to help families reduce the financial barrier of adoption, and has provided grants to over 1700 families wishing to adopt orphans from around the world. Chapman is a five-time GRAMMY ® winner and 54-time Dove Award winning artist who has sold over 10 million albums and garnered 44 No. 1 singles.

Jack is going into the third grade. We have survived the year with the teacher of doom. His class had the fewest honor roll students of all the 2^nd grade classes at his school. During awards day, his class didn’t cheer and yell when their teacher was announced. You would hope the principal was watching.

But it’s done. He’s now reading on a 4.5 grade reading level. Sarah and I have both recently read the first book in the “Spiderwick Chronicles” which falls into that level. I’m very excited about sharing this series with him, as we all continue to read them. Most of the Dahl books are higher in range, as are the Narnia book, but those are just around the corner. I’m very proud of his reading accomplishments.

As for next year’s teacher, bio mom filled out the “Learning Environment ” request the school sent out. They are trying to get feedback from the parents on what type of teacher would be best to assist the student in learning. Let me share these observations:

• Nurturing
  
• Gentle
  
• Someone who likes, appreciates, and enjoys boys.
  
• A younger teacher for a change of pace and a different vibe. I think a completely different environment will be most beneficial to Jack in creating the most successful year possible.
  
• Someone who is “tuned-in” to students and notices when they are “off their game” and tries to figure out the cause and resolve the situation.
  
• A creative environment. A teacher who will attempt more than one method of teaching material if students are not grasping the concept by the initial lesson. No attitude of “this is the way I do it, and if you don’t get it, then too bad.”
  
• More of a fluid, “go with the flow” because we can still get it done, attitude.
  
• High expectations. His reading level is up to a 4.5.
  
• Flexibility that can also be taught by example.
  
• A happy, supportive environment that incorporates positive reinforcement. Someone that will help him rebuild his confidence.
  
• A teacher that is organized (in reality, not just by claim) and is on top of STI entries.
  
• A teacher that can maintain the order and discipline of her classroom without stripping the dignity of her students. Someone who can have a firm hand without breaking self esteem.
  
• Someone who welcomes parental involvement.
  
• A teacher with school spirit (someone we might run into at a football or basketball game).

   

   

I think she’s a little fired up about this year’s teacher debacle. I’m looking forward to what comes from this evaluation and if it helps with the year ahead.

So what did I do for Mother’s day? After I gave a disposable camera to some asshole person in extreme need of a photographic device, I had to think of something else. My wife has wanted a third dog for a while. I decided that I would make the offer that after we moved into the new house, which has a bigger yard, we could get a dog. That would be her mother’s day gift. Jack picked out a watch for her, so she would have a gift in hand for mother’s day. All seemed good.

However, my wife began immediately searching through the local animal shelter’s web sites. I got a couple links the Monday before mother’s day. Then I got the following message.

“OMFG…That is the dog, Bryan! That’s the one.”

So I followed the link.

Hello, my name is Willie. I have a really sad story but I am happy here at The Ark. I am a very pretty Terrier mix. My hair is short and I am what they call a tri- color. I weigh about 20 lbs. I was found injured by a County Animal Control Officer. He took me to The Ark’s doggy’s doctor. Dr. Connelly and Ms. Alice felt so sorry for me. My right eye had been severely injured to the point that it had to be removed. The Ark took me in and made me feel welcome. I am happy here. I do just fine with one eye. Do not feel sorry for me. Just remember I will do just fine in your loving home. Do you think you would consider me for your family dog? When you come to The Ark, ask to see Willie. That’s me.

So I knew I had to go meet him. Without her knowing it, I went to the shelter and met Willie. He’s Now laying on a pet bed in our living room. He’s extremely skidish, especially of me, but he is coming around with the other pets and the family. He’s going to be a good fit, and now he has a good home.

Happy Mother’s Day.

My wife forwarded a blog to me today. I have been reading it off and on since then. It breaks my heart…every word. It was one of my biggest fears that something would happen to Sarah during childbirth. I think it’s a fear most fathers share but rarely talk about. I can’t imagine the strength this father has to carry on and be the man he has to be for that little girl. His words are so tragically beautiful. Here’s a sample. You might want to read this before going to the page. It will knock the breath out of you.

5 weeks of bedrest.

(2 at home, 3 in the hospital).

liz had low amniotic fluid.

baby had her cord around her neck.

baby’s heart rate dropped

(multiple times).

liz almost delivered

(multiple times).

the day finally came

(3/24).

madeline was born via c-section.

everyone was happy

and healthy.

liz was told

to hang out in bed

for another 24 hours

and then she was going to

see madeline.

she waited patiently

hearing stories

and seeing photos

of me

feeding and changing

madeline’s diapers.

(she was soooo jealous and i teased her mercilessly that i was 1, 2, 3 diapers ahead of her and that she had to catch up).

24 hours came

and she got ready

to lay her hands

on madeline

for the very

first

time.

she got up from bed

(with the help of some nurses and me).

we joked about her new-found independence.

i told her that she

had to start waiting on me

because i’d been waiting on her

for 5 weeks.

she laughed,

and said,

“of course.”

she walked to the mirror

and said,

“my hair looks like shit.”

we all laughed

(because her hair looked great, especially for someone who’d been on bed rest for 5 weeks).

the nurse said,

“are you ready to go?”

she said,

“yes.”

her excitement

was overflowing.

she turned around

to sit in her wheelchair

for her ride to see

madeline.

she said,

“i feel lightheaded”

and then she passed out.

we got her in to

her hospital bed.

doctors and nurses

rushed to help her.

but nothing could be done

to bring her

back.

no one to blame.

shitty luck

and

a pulmonary embolism

are what led us to

the saddest,

most horrific moment

of my life.

(and many other people’s lives).

You may know I am not a fan of homeschooling your children, so you may be surprised to learn that I helped a mom that home schools today.

She called me at work. She had found my name on the school web site that I which I taught. She has 2 daughters and wants to get them involved in Theatre. So I took about 15 minutes to walk her though all the programs the city has to offer. I gave her contact names and numbers, along with opinions of each organization. I also gave her the name and number of someone who was homeschooled and does tons of theatre in the area as a good contact person. I didn’t have to do this. I was at work, got the message, and called her back. I could have just given her a single name, or not called her back at all…I mean after all, I am evil in the eyes of homeschooling moms all over the blog world. But I really don’t have anything against them, just mainly the “your wrong, I’m right” attitude, the unwillingness to believe that homeschooling is not always the right answer, and the hatred for the public school system. Not all homeschoolers have these beliefs, but the vocal ones usually do. I hope I helped this lady out and I hope I get to work with her kids. She didn’t sound like a militaristic homeschooler so we will probably get along fine.

It takes a village…and I’m trying.