Sympathy Pain

Jack started the third grade yesterday. It’s hard to believe. We are getting into grades I remember. I remember the morning Jack went to kindergarten. That was the last “first day at school” I had with him. It sucks…I gotta tell you. I remember him standing in the hall way with his back pack, trying to be brave. I’ve had to go off of bio mom reports since then.

I did pick him up after he got home from school yesterday. He rode the bus home for the first time.

“The bus driver’s mean…but he lets us have snacks on the bus…but other than that he’s mean.”

“Yeah, well, my bus driver turned your Aunt and I in for starting an egg fight on the bus…when we weren’t even on the bus that day.”

“well…I guess I won’t do that…”

“What, Jack?”

“Start an egg fight.”

“But, I didn’t, and got in trouble anyway.”

“oh…well does it hurt to get hit with an egg?”

“Never mind…”

He also has to wear his glasses full time now. I tried to lay on the “I wore them at everything was great” lie, but I think he saw through it. I hated wearing my glasses in school. Back then they were the heavy, gray framed, thick ass glasses. His are actually pretty good looking…but it still sucks.

So, the first day went rather well. New teacher. New girlfriend. New glasses. Hopefully this will be a better year. If not, I may have to cut somebody.

The folks were in town this weekend. I don’t know why but that always stresses me out. I’m a different person around my parents. Maybe it’s the thousandth time I’ve heard a joke, or my mom’s self defeating attitude, or the fact that I feel like I have to play ring master for the weekend, but I was stressed. Sarah had shows this weekend…a show that my parents and Jack were going to go see. Her absence did not help my mood. My folks, especially my dad, are good at watching Tony, but not watching Tony. If I hand them a bottle, they can feed him, but not fix the bottle. And diapers…I don’t even try. So it was, “show the folks a good time, entertain Jack, and take care of the baby” weekend. Even with my honorary ovary, that was too much for me. So I was a stress ball.

Tony has hit a phase where he doesn’t want to go to sleep. He actually has a no holds bar grudge match with the sand man when it’s nap time. He pulled this on the way to the show…Sarah’s show…that we were going to see. We had to get Jack some pants…he’s a growing…grab food and get to the theatre. I also had forgotten Tony’s stroller, which caused a u-turn…while Tony is letting the world know that he shan’t sleep. All the while my mom is blaming herself for a broken van door on their new/used minivan. It was broken, and yet somehow, her not being able to open it was her lack of door opening skills. While dad felt the need to read every sign we passed.

“Ruby Tuesdays”

“Target”

“5 Guys’ burgers and Fries”

“No left turn”

We made it to the show, my wife and Sister-in-law were great. Tony stayed backstage with them during the show. When we got out, the stress began again. The baby was backstage. It was storming outside. I had to get Tony through the maze of folks to my parents, then get the van, in the rain, get the stroller in…with the broken door. It was awesome. I didn’t even have a chance to tell sis how great she was. Sorry…

“No Parking”

“Coca-Cola”

“Dad can we go bowling?” huh, what…oh, that was a question for me. A vote was taken, the Baby was fed, and off we went. Pizza first. Then Bowling.

Did you know that bowling on “Cosmic Bowl” night is 5 bucks a person a game. Plus 3.75 shoe rental. So for 2 games it cost us $55 dollars. Ain’t that crazy? We had fun, but it was about an hour and a half after Tony’s bed time when we got home. It was at this point that I thanked God that my sons are as great as they are. Tony went right to sleep. And Jack followed soon after… I did snap at him. He was following me around while I was fixing a bottle, always where I was trying to go.

“Just go play your Wii…I can’t play right now!”

“um…you said you would get me a drink.”

“I’m sorry; I thought you were just being under foot.”

“Yeah, I do that sometimes.” I Love that little guy.

Until Sarah came home and we decided to move tony from his bed to ours. That way the guest bedroom/nursery could be just the guest bedroom for the night. Tony grappled with the sand man at that point…and almost won. But it was an epic battle…and loud.

So that’s it in a nut shell. Not so bad, but something always unhinges in me when they are around. I’ll be glad when they move closer and don’t stay in our house overnight. I think that would help…I think.

“Weatherly Road”

“First Baptist Huntsville”

“Visions Gentleman’s cl…oh…never mind”

6 to 9 Months

What Your Baby Likes: Seeing people he recognizes, interactive games, cause-and-effect toys.

What’s Behind the Smiles: By 9 months, he’s beginning to understand object permanence, the concept that an object or person still exists even after leaving his line of sight. He’ll show you he understands this when he cranes his neck over his stationary activity center or high chair after a toy falls to the floor. He’ll like it all the better if you pick up the toy for him to toss over the side again.

His memory is growing now, too, so what left him laughing yesterday — hearing his sister sing a silly tune — might make him chuckle days later when she does it again, says Michelle Gross, a developmental psychologist who directs a Centers for Disease Control-contracted parenting research project for kids from birth to age 5.

What You Can Do: Initiate a game of peekaboo. He’ll also like having you help him hide a stuffed animal or toy under a blanket and asking, “Where’d it go?”

Play a modified game of airplane with your baby by lying on your back, knees bent, and placing him on your shins. Make whooshing sounds as you gently “fly” him back and forth and side to side.

Toys that allow your baby to push a button and watch something pop up are sure to induce a smile. I remember adding voices to a pop-up toy featuring a farmer, cows, horses, and sheep. Emma would bust out laughing at my deep “Farmer Fred” voice.

Making dinner and need a distraction for your baby? Offer up a couple of pots and pans along with a wooden spoon. He’ll like knowing he’s capable of creating such a racket. Speak to him as you both “cook”: “Mommy is making mashed potatoes for dinner tonight. What are you making? Looks like green beans! Stir ‘em up!”

Tony had his 6 moth birthday Saturday…I guess. At some point you stop counting age by wee and go with months. If we were going by weeks…he’d be at 26 weeks and a day…which is more like 6 and a half months if you count 4 weeks in a month…but I digress.

Here are some things I’ve noticed about a 6 month old Binja…

• The darker the food he is attempting to eat, the more that will miss the bib.
• If it’s really dark food, you’ll not be able to find a bib to begin with.
• He loves people with long hair. The more hair you have…and the more tender your scalp…the more he hair he will be able to grab and pull.
• Those of us who are follicley challenged usefully get a finger up the nose.
• Once you start feeding a baby anything other than formula…his poop…changes…
• You will be amazed at the faces and sounds grown folks will make at a baby.
• You will also be amazed that said baby finds them hilarious.
• You have panic moments about who is supposed to pick up the baby on the days you aren’t the one…and they happen about 10 minutes after the day care closes.
• You wonder if other parents judge you as your child screams bloody murder in public.
• You stop caring about other parents
• You begin to believe in gremlins, fairies, talking donkeys, sneetches, and all those other things you read to your child about.
• Installing a car seat in the back of a Suzuki …in the parking lot of Target…in the heat of the day…will make you consider a home vasectomy.
• And lastly…no matter how much you need sleep, and no matter how much it pisses you off to be awake, when that little boy smiles at you from his crib at 3 am…you melt.

I love that Binja…

I’m exhausted. The weekend…which started Thursday afternoon…was filled with lots of sweat and dust. We moved the bulk of the furniture by truck Thursday afternoon. It wasn’t supposed to rain Thursday, but those little summer showers popped up making the humidity oceanic. We finished up around 9 or 10. Unfortunately Tony started coughing about then.

Tony’s pediatrician was out of town. So Friday morning I learned a valuable lesson. Emergency or walk in clinics don’t all take infants. I went to 2 before finding a third that would see Tony. It happened to be the same one I took Jack to years ago. They were great but slow. Jack had a tendency at Tony’s age to develop pneumonia any time he got a cough, so we didn’t want to hesitate with Tony. His lungs are clear, but the doctor said he heard a hint of an asthmatic wheeze at the end of each breath. Joy. So antibiotics and rest for now.

More moving Friday night with Jack… and some Wii. Wii Fit is awesome! It’s actually an exercise routine I can buy into.

Baseball…the last of the regular season…Saturday morning. We start the championship Saturday.

More moving Saturday afternoon.

Saturday evening…birthday dinner for Jack and myself at Red Robin. The birthday sundae rocked.

Sunday, guess what, more trips to the old house. One truck load at a time. My job is to fetch. Sarah has been great about unpacking.

Monday…work was exhausting…plus the cable hook up. They never come when they are supposed to. The evening was Jack’s 8^th Birthday. Wow. It hurts me to think how old he is. Tony can’t ever grow up.

No moving. But I did install a touch screen programmable thermostat… cause I can.

There are still a few things at the old house…and cleaning to do. But I’m exhausted and feel like I am coming down with some summer cold. So, goodbye for now. Hopefully I will have more fatherly advice later.

It’s been a heck of a week; I wanted to take a moment to celebrate my son’s 8^th birthday:

June 2, 2000:

It was a beautiful June day. I was about to become a father. The hospital had called us the day before and told us the room was ready…it was like turn down service. We had scheduled an induction. Jack’s mom had some high blood pressure issues during the pregnancy, so our doctor decided to get things going at 37 weeks. We had taken the class and tour. We had “the list” of necessary things. The family was in town. And Jackson Keith arrived around 3:30 that afternoon. I don’t know why, but I didn’t cut the cord. I’ve always regretted that. But he got here, a little jaundiced, but healthy none the less. It is one of my favorite days. We named him after my dad’s father “Jack”…his name was Arthur Earl, but everyone called him Jack…and the bio-mom’s uncle, Keith, how had been killed in a car crash years before.

June 2, 2008:

I have to pick up the Birthday Cake from Costco. He wanted chocolate cake with chocolate icing and a football theme. The party is at 6:00 at the gym where he plays Basketball. His mom is picking up the food and getting the gym ready. 16 boys have been invited, mostly from his baseball team. All of them will show. Jack’s just that kid that everyone enjoys to be around. He’s about to go into the third grade and is reading on a fourth grade level. He’s finding his since of humor. We laugh a lot. I’m very proud of this little guy. He’s beginning to become his own person. It’s amazing to watch. I wish I could freeze him where he is but I also can’t wait to see who he becomes.

This week has been crazy. Sunday was the day of Jack being sick. I didn’t mention that after I dropped him off I raced across town to look at a house. It was awesome. We decided to make an offer.

Monday…Work, which was a trip to the middle of the state…about 2 hours one way. Next to the emergency room with Jack and his faking dehydration (I kid…he was pretty sick). I think it was sometime Monday that they countered our offer and we countered back. I think we got Tivo that night as well. It’s awesome!

Tuesday…let’s see. Oh yes, they accepted our offer, after saying they had to take the curtains…but leave the plantain blinds. I didn’t even notice the curtains. Sarah also got a fabulous job offer. I’m very excited for her. It’s a great program to be involved with.

Wednesday…lots of paper work figuring and talking to loan officers and insurance folks. That’s also the day I found out…I have the Apnea. Dum dum dum!!! I got to play with the Binja that evening. Sarah went to help out the Shickles with the new baby and her big sister.

Thursday…inspection on the house. It is in amazing shape. Then on to pick up Jack, make fudge for the daycare’s spring fling, and Baseball. We lost 21-20. Straight from there to the sleep clinic. It’s weird sleeping with a mask that keeps blowing air up your nose.

Today? Furniture shopping at lunch…and who knows what the evening holds. We have my Grandmother’s birthday celebration tomorrow and Jack’s basketball banquet Sunday.

8:00pm

So…it started off pretty rough. We tried to go look at houses between 6:30 and my 8:00 appointment for the sleep study. Tony would not have it. Usually, after a few minutes crying in the car, he nods off. Not this evening, ladies and gents. He let us know everything he thought of us dragging him along from house to house. We were only doing drivebys tonight, but he still was pissed at us. He cried for a solid half hour until finally we threw in the towel and Sarah took me to my appointment.

So here I sit. In a room about the size of a cheap hotel. It’s nice though. The bathroom is almost as big as the sleeping area. I have a tv with vcr…but no remote. There is a gazillion wires coming out of a control panel next to the bed. I think there is a plastic fitted sheet…probably with sensors…on the bed. And a camera with infrared LED lamp. I have no idea how long before she comes in and hooks me up. I so look forward to it.

9:00pm

Ok…so I’m lying in bed…kinda drifting. I’m waiting for someone to come back to hook me up…and not in a good way, when I hear from over head…

“Mr. Comer…” There’s an intercom above the bed.

“I need you to set up and look at the camera. I need to get a picture.”

So I set up. The robotic camera swivels around.

“Smile.” If just having the camera in the room wasn’t enough, they had to make sure I knew it was there…and moved. Creepy.

9:45pm

Patty comes in to hook me up. There’s a wire down each of my pants legs with 2 electrodes per leg…can’t wait to rip the tape off tomorrow morning. There are 2 electrodes on my chest, and what feels like 8 on my face and scalp. Plus the pluse ox on my finger and the air monitor in my nose.

Sleep tight.

After I get in bed and the lights are off, I have to do exercises. These tell her if everything is hooked up correctly.

“Mr. Comer,” again the voice from above, “look left, now right, no left, now right…flex your left fot 3 times…now your right”…and so on. A voice in the dark…and I’m being filmed…normal night for me.

5:00am

“Mr. Comer. It’s time to get up.” And we had to do the aerobics all over again. I slept o.k. Woke up a few times more than I would at home, but it wasn’t bad.

Patty came in and removed all the connections. “You wife is right…you do snore.” I almost didn’t take a shower there…until I ran my hand through my hair and felt all the crap. I took the option of a shower and left.

I go to the doc in two weeks to see if I have apnea or not. If so, I have to do another sleep study.

Yawn.

Our DVD player broke. At first I was pissed. I had to plug in my son’s “Spongebob” dvd player in order to watch “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.” I couldn’t figure out how to make it stop throwing up Spanish translations of any signs in the movie…It was just weird.

But then, I realized I could get a dvd recorder/vcr combo. I had wanted one for a while, but couldn’t justify the purchase. But now…can we say passive aggressive?

So, before the old DVD was cold from its demise, I was at Best Buy.

Sarah is at book club, and the binja is asleep, so I’ve been copying old home movies over. I’ve found jack’s first basketball tournament. He couldn’t get the ball to the goal. It was awesome. They won the chamionship that year, too.

I also found a tape Jack, Sarah, and I did about the time I moved in with Sarah. We played interview. We laughed alot…especially when jack passed some butt thunder on camera.

Now I’m watching a movie from his 2nd birthday. That seems like another life. All his bi-gillion cousins from bio-mom’s side. All of them like I remember…young. Jack like I don’t remember him…little. It’s just insane. I haven’t watched these…probably since they were made. And, yes, I’m making a copy for his mom as well. I’m just that kinda guy.

I know it was my previous world, but it’s cool to see Jack when he was 2. I think Tony looks just like him. Maybe it’s time for you to dust off the old beta max tapes and take a sojourn down memory lane.

I had a couple moments tonight that made me realize I am a father of the new generation. No more coming home to slippers and a pipe, Mr. Beaver…he he, I said beaver.

The first was as my oldest ask me if I had seen “Jurassic Park.” I was slightly taken aback, thinking it was a little graphic for a 7 year old, but I said yes.

“The t-rex is kinda scary.”

“Yep”

“Especially to be related to a chicken.” Yes, that is the latest theory, that T-rex’s closest relative is the chicken…my 7 year old knew that…did you? I remember hearing that in high school…when I was 15.

The second was with the same boy, as he was wearing my blue tooth ear bud and watching the Muppet’s on my cell phone. It was slight surreal and…dear I say it…very yuppy-ish. At least I didn’t vote republican. And, at least, it was the muppets…Fozi telling bad jokes and being heckled by Waldorf and Stadler.

And the last was tonight with the baby. My wife is at dress rehearsal for the show she is the assistant director for. Which means she’s not here in the evening…and about to fall out from exhaustion. But anyway, back to the moment. I had just finished boiling pacifiers and steaming bottles, and was feeding Tony on the couch. I was watching T.V. Was it ESPN or CNN or even SPIKE? No, I was watching “Project Runway” on BRAVO. Metro-sexual much? They were dressing the WWE Diva’s…who are hot.

Well, that’s my view of fatherhood in the new millenium. My father just felt his manhood take a blow…easy, that’s my dad your thinking about.

It was a hellish weekend…not “somebody died from a rattlesnake bite to the face” hellish…just busy. Jack had a Basketball Tournament this weekend, some Christmas thing. It seems some parents think it’s great to have your child spend 3 days of the Christmas Vacation locked up in a gym. I had rather been at home playing Wii, or traveling with family. Any way, Jack’s team is a really good team, but got beat Friday night. That meant they would have to play 5 games Saturday, winning them all, 4 back to back, just to get into the championship. And yes, they did. I am very proud of them, and don’t know how they keep upright for that long. They lost in the championship, their 5th back to back game, to a very rested team. I am an assistant coach, and we were both dead when we got home. Sarah was not much better, having spent the day with fussy baby.

Why was he fussy? Well, not having any guidance on feeding, other than “BREAST IS THE BEST OR HE SHALL NOT GET INTO COLLEGEwe had no idea how much formula we should start out with. Seems 2 ounces is not enough. So Tony spent a good deal of the first few days of formula, hungry. We have read up and figured it out since then, so he is a much happier baby.

Sunday was family day. We traveled about 90 minutes away. Ate good food, Showed off the boys, got presents, and returned home. It was exhausting. We got home and wanted to just crash. Then, there was a moment in which we both got an energy boost…

Seems mister Tony likes laying on his back while you “shake his booty”. It was the first time I noticed him reacting to something outside the food and gas realm. He was cooing and almost smiling. Sarah and I were in heaven. It was so cool to see that happen….then I crashed.

So, I look forward to more booty shaking in ‘08. It made my heart smile. I think that’s one of my resolutions.

I walked into a house today that I haven’t been in for years. It was like nothing had changed. Same decorations, a pug that always needs attention, and the smell of baking.

I had Jack last night, and since he had no school today, he stayed the night. His aunt, on his mom’s side, always has all the cousins, nieces, and nephews in, a few days before Christmas, and makes decorations or treats. This morning was that day. I took him over and talked to her for a few minutes. Her daughter’s pregnant, the one I saw dance about 10 years ago as a “tweenager”. As I stood there, Jack’s cousins came up. One, now about to start driving, I held just hours after he was born. It’s a great tradition that, even though her daughter and son are no longer participating, she continues with the rest of the children.

As I drove away, I remembered a post over at Freaked-out-fathers. He was talking about “non-custodial” parents and traditions. I think that it is important to start your own in your new home as a non-custodial parent, but you also need to respect the traditions already in place. Many times, over the last few years, I could have thrown the “It’s my time” card and not allowed Jack to go to one tradition or other, but they are important to him. I also know that now, with Tony, times will arise when there will be a clash of scheduling in family events, and it’s important that I have shown flexibility thus far.

So, if you have no plans, and the bio-parent has something family oriented to do, try to be reasonable. Your child needs family time on both sides of the divorce line.

We have started a ginger bread house tradition and go to an annual “Festival of Lights” at the local botanical garden. It’s things that are very us, and Jack is an integral part of it.

Yes, Virginia, We have a Wii.

“Where ever did you fine one?” you might ask. Well, not around here or the Internet, no. My sister-in-law in California found one. She called around and found a place in Glendale that had them.

“That was easy.” I hear you thinking. Nay nay, Nadine. One kiosk had 15. The catch, they had no way to run credit cards. So she had to go get cash and get to the mall. She then had to find where the hell this one oasis of Wii…he he…was. But, she did it.

So now, the quest for the Wii is over. Christmas is saved. I had begun to come up with stories of Santa’s sudden onset of Alzheimer’s, or how Jack wasn’t as “nice” as the other kids who did get one. But, Jenni saved the day. Thanks sis.

I pick Jack up, and he is ready to go, telling me about who got in trouble at school, and the fine sport of cup stacking. I decide to start on the Christmas list while riding home. After a little coaching…he wants a Wii. I think Santa can handle that.

Jack has a bunch of homework…but we have fun doing it. He is working on a report about the Navajo…did you know they lived in “hogans”? Any way, I love doing homework with Jack. It’s something my folks really didn’t do…that I remember…and my grades in high school reflected that. I had great test grades, but no homework to speak of. I want to make sure Jack and Tony don’t fall into that trap.

Jack’s favorite place to eat on Wednesdays? Chick-Fil-A…cause they have a play ground. So off we go…after a wrestling match over the Whoppie Cushion.

Side note, every child needs a whoppie cushion! Get one that has a foam insert so it re inflates by itself. You can also use it for a training device for your pets. They hate them. One good squeeze to the face and they are gone.

So after dinner, the three of us head north to his other home. After the hand off, and discussion about homework and sports, my bride and I head home.

Wednesday’s are great…and then kinda sucky. It’s hard to watch him grow up every wednesday afternoon and every other weekend.

We play this week in round 2. If we win, we play the next weekend for the championship. It’s very exciting. Jack’s Baseball team won the county tournament, now foot ball is on its way. Very cool. He’s a sports phenom. And, the championship is being held in a college stadium. How cool…uh, for the kids…is that?

I did see some of the stereotypical ugliness that surrounds parents of little league during the last game. The other team was behind. We had beaten them just the week before. They were having…issue with the ref’s calls. Now, we were up 21 to nothing, so it wasn’t like a few missed calls would have made any difference. However, as I was getting my second hot chocolate…don’t judge…I heard yelled from the opposing side:

“Ref, I’ll just meet you in the parking lot.”

The ref came my way…I thought he wanted me…but security was standing behind me, also drinking a hot chocolate.

“I need you to do a sweep of the away side,”he says to the guard, “Someone wants to ‘talk’ with me after the game.”

Soon after, the offensive coach, who already had 2 personal fouls called on him, was escorted off the field. In this age class, there is one coach on the field, with the kids, at all times. He was one of them. So there supposed model of sportsmanship was thrown out of the game. I felt sorry for his kids. He should be banned from coaching.

Anyway, wish us luck. It should be a good game.