Sympathy Pain

Ok, when did I get old? I have come to the conclusion that teens should not drive to school. This is prompted my the fact that Jack and his mom had to put their car in the ditch to avoid being in a multi car incident on the way to school. A teen ager was not paying attention to the dozen cars in occupying the turn lane and rear ended them going 45 mph. messed up a handful of cars and a few minor injuries.

So it got me thinking. Why on earth do they have to drive to school. I say have to. It seems to me like there are alotta pluses to cutting this privilege out and not a lot of negatives.

Let’s just look at the state of the economy. Gas Prices. What would happen to oil demand if the roads were absent of teen drivers from 8:00 am to 3:30 pm? And the air quality? I mean, we have about 7 high schools in the county I live in. figure an average of 100 students driving per school that 700 ish cars added into the mix every day. That’s in one county. Some have more, some less, but that adds up fast.

Schools would have more space to expand. I’ve heard, on more than one occasion, that one school or another “just doesn’t have room to build new classrooms”. They would if they didn’t have to have student parking. That’s a whole wing of space that’s wasted.

What about safety. It’s almost a mob mentality at 3:30 when hormonal teenagers hit the road. Not all of them, but I have seen many a “street race” happen between car loads of teenagers. And, remember what started all this.

Insurance rates. I would think less time on the roads to have accidents would equate to lower rates…eventually. That one is a reach.

And, finally, attitude towards mass transit. A bus passes almost every house…or would if students couldn’t drive to school…and we teach our kids that as soon as you are old enough, get the hell off that bus. We are training our kids from the moment they learn to drive that public transportation is somehow debilitating. Your status is so much great when you drive to school than ride the bus…which also sets up social discrimination. The haves and have nots. Here’s an article about Cornell University’s attempt at public transportation…College kids…doing without cars.

So what are the cons? Some kids have to work. Well, if nobody drove, nobody could get to work until a certain time. Set your schedule so that you have time to get home and get to work. Most shifts wouldn’t mind a 15 or 30 minute different start time. Starting at 4:30 instead of 4:00 isn’t that much difference, especially if that’s universal.

One of my co workers said the bus came by her house at 6:00 am…and she wouldn’t have gotten up that early…um…I have nothing on that one. Seems like conveiency makes us lazy and we are teaching our kids that as well. I was one of the first stops on my bus route, and then 30 miles from school, so about an hour bus trip one way. It’s all I knew. You get up when you have to.

Just my soap box for the day…oh, my hip…

Jack started the third grade yesterday. It’s hard to believe. We are getting into grades I remember. I remember the morning Jack went to kindergarten. That was the last “first day at school” I had with him. It sucks…I gotta tell you. I remember him standing in the hall way with his back pack, trying to be brave. I’ve had to go off of bio mom reports since then.

I did pick him up after he got home from school yesterday. He rode the bus home for the first time.

“The bus driver’s mean…but he lets us have snacks on the bus…but other than that he’s mean.”

“Yeah, well, my bus driver turned your Aunt and I in for starting an egg fight on the bus…when we weren’t even on the bus that day.”

“well…I guess I won’t do that…”

“What, Jack?”

“Start an egg fight.”

“But, I didn’t, and got in trouble anyway.”

“oh…well does it hurt to get hit with an egg?”

“Never mind…”

He also has to wear his glasses full time now. I tried to lay on the “I wore them at everything was great” lie, but I think he saw through it. I hated wearing my glasses in school. Back then they were the heavy, gray framed, thick ass glasses. His are actually pretty good looking…but it still sucks.

So, the first day went rather well. New teacher. New girlfriend. New glasses. Hopefully this will be a better year. If not, I may have to cut somebody.

Jack is going into the third grade. We have survived the year with the teacher of doom. His class had the fewest honor roll students of all the 2^nd grade classes at his school. During awards day, his class didn’t cheer and yell when their teacher was announced. You would hope the principal was watching.

But it’s done. He’s now reading on a 4.5 grade reading level. Sarah and I have both recently read the first book in the “Spiderwick Chronicles” which falls into that level. I’m very excited about sharing this series with him, as we all continue to read them. Most of the Dahl books are higher in range, as are the Narnia book, but those are just around the corner. I’m very proud of his reading accomplishments.

As for next year’s teacher, bio mom filled out the “Learning Environment ” request the school sent out. They are trying to get feedback from the parents on what type of teacher would be best to assist the student in learning. Let me share these observations:

• Nurturing
  
• Gentle
  
• Someone who likes, appreciates, and enjoys boys.
  
• A younger teacher for a change of pace and a different vibe. I think a completely different environment will be most beneficial to Jack in creating the most successful year possible.
  
• Someone who is “tuned-in” to students and notices when they are “off their game” and tries to figure out the cause and resolve the situation.
  
• A creative environment. A teacher who will attempt more than one method of teaching material if students are not grasping the concept by the initial lesson. No attitude of “this is the way I do it, and if you don’t get it, then too bad.”
  
• More of a fluid, “go with the flow” because we can still get it done, attitude.
  
• High expectations. His reading level is up to a 4.5.
  
• Flexibility that can also be taught by example.
  
• A happy, supportive environment that incorporates positive reinforcement. Someone that will help him rebuild his confidence.
  
• A teacher that is organized (in reality, not just by claim) and is on top of STI entries.
  
• A teacher that can maintain the order and discipline of her classroom without stripping the dignity of her students. Someone who can have a firm hand without breaking self esteem.
  
• Someone who welcomes parental involvement.
  
• A teacher with school spirit (someone we might run into at a football or basketball game).

   

   

I think she’s a little fired up about this year’s teacher debacle. I’m looking forward to what comes from this evaluation and if it helps with the year ahead.

Here’s one of my e-mail updates…good info.

Ten surprises of new fatherhood
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board

——————————————————————————–

At some point not long after the baby is born, just about every new father gets hit with a sharp jolt of reality: He’s a dad — with new responsibilities, new pressures, and new expectations to live up to. This seemingly basic epiphany comes early for some of us, before we leave the hospital. For others, reality may not set in for a few days. Sooner or later, though, we all come to realize that our lives have changed forever. Sometimes the changes are subtle, sometimes not so subtle. But they’re almost always surprising.

(more…)

My ex- and I get along pretty well. We share in Jack’s needs and wants. There are times we butt heads, usually falling into old patterns that caused the divorce to begin with. At other times, we are a united front. Here’s examples of both…within a 24 hour time period.

I dropped Jack of Sunday night, after a very full weekend of sports and family. He had no homework, which was awesome. However, not 3 minutes after leaving her house, she called me.

“Why didn’t he read his book? I sent it in his book bag.”

So I tried to explain that he had read other things, and she began to dove into my not being responsible for his education needs, and I…and so on. It was really kinda ridiculous. Not what the argument was about, but that the argument happened at all. It should have taken 5 minutes with the agreement being made that I would make sure reading books are considered homework and her agreeing that she needs to be clear about things I may not know since she is the primary care giver. But, it was 30 minutes of accusing and pseudo name calling. I guess 9 years of marriage will leave a few sore spots that take just a small verbal bomb to set off.

So the next night, After I had called to tell him goodnight, I was on the couch, feeding Tony, and the phone rings…as it does when your hands are full. It was the ex-
“Gotta second?”

I figured she was either still steamed about the book or going to apologize for the conversation.

“I’m feeding Tony, but yeah.”

“I’m going to talk to Jack’s principle and insist that he be taken out of this teacher’s class.” Hmmm, thinks I.

“What happened?”

“Well, he was asked to complete a math question on the board and got it wrong. It was the only one he got wrong out of the ten on his paper. The teacher, in front of the class, said ‘He didn’t belong in second grade’.”

My jaw hit the floor. Who says that? What kind of person says that to a 7 year old. He was crushed. He spent all last night saying he wasn’t smart enough to be in second grade. Now, he has an ‘A’ in math, and most of his grades are ‘B’s or high ‘C’s.

“Do you want me to come up?” I ask.

“Well, I don’t know if I can get a definitive time for a meeting, and you are almost an hour away. If I can, I’ll let you know and you can come up.”

“Well, do what you have to do. That’s not ok to say. If the principle won’t do anything, let me know and we can take other actions.” I was pissed, and so was she. We had a common enemy. We’ll see what happens

I guess that’s the way it will be. Their will be times when we go toe to toe over things, mainly because of our past, and others where we will be willing to go shoulder to shoulder.

Jamie, a friend of ours, is going through a rough time at 35 weeks. The doctor found protein in her urine at the last checkup. She’s at home, resting. She has to keep all urine to be tested for protein levels every couple days. She’s got to be miserable and nervous. Keep her and the baby in your thoughts.

I realized I really didn’t know much about the condition, so I went in search of a good explanation. I found this at FamilyDoctor.org. (more…)

It was a year ago today. I remember. It was a morning that I couldn’t shake the fog outta my brain. Even when our resident EMT said a bushad flipped off the interstate, it didn’t register. Then I heard it was my school. Life became overly clear. I had to go. Even though I wasn’t working there anymore…I had to.

It’s been a year, but it still makes my heart stop to think about it.

Monday, November 20, 2006

I didn’t want to know
I left work around 10:45. Couldn’t be at work if my kids were hurting. I was at Lee until after 3:00. I didn’t want to know any names. I didn’t want to hear any details. I just wanted to help then think later. The faculty at Lee was amazing. About 75% of the school was checked out in about 4 hours. The school was in upheaval. I just wanted to help. What I did was unimportant. I just became part of the machine. I worked…and hugged. There were people from the board of education helping. Teachers from Lee’s sister schools. 2 ex principals. Parents. ex-teachers. counselors. Students.

I knew them…some maybe by face alone. Some by name. Yes, I knew the one’s who have passed. they were not my magnet bunch, but they were still my kids. I had one in a class for about 2 minutes last year. I remember. Christine, Nicole, and Tenisha. I remember.

I came home…and cried, alot. I can’t imagine what is going on in those families. I can’t imagine what is going on with the students who were friends. I just can’t.

The school has been through so much since then. My seniors have graduated. I’m about to be a dad. But in my mind, time stands still when I think about that day. Say a prayer for the families and victims. If it hits me this hard a year later…I can’t imagine what they go through daily.

I opened Yahoo today, and saw a slew of public schools gone wrong stories. I wanted to share, out of equal time and all.

Two hugs equals two days of detention for 13-year-old Megan Coulter. The eighth-grader was punished for violating a school policy banning public displays of affection when she hugged two friends Friday.

Damn. I agree Public displays of affection can go too far…I saw it all the time, but this is ridiculous. Especially in middle school and between to of the same sex. It’s just very communist…if you will. Now, she had been warned before, so there’s that part of me that’s like…that’s just dumb on her part. But the rule seems alittle out of control.

TUUSULA, Finland - An 18-year-old student opened fire in a Finnish high school Wednesday, killing seven students and the principal before turning the gun on himself, police said.

This kid had been posting videos on You Tube. It makes my heart sink to think of what happened in that school. Ans it seems it was avoidable.

A middle school student…fleeing to Mexico…I got nothing. And I’m not the only one sickened by this stuff.

This is why I want to be involved in my community and its schools. I don’t want to take care of only my house while the rest of the world goes to hell. I will protect my family, be involved in there spheres of involvement, and hopefully raise children who will continue to make a difference in the big picture.

Every year the NEA passes a set of resolutions. I’d like to say that I am not one of those “well if the NEA says it, it must be so”, guys. They did help me with some legal issues that arose while I was teaching, so I believe they can be a great help to educators, but I am not a blind follower. I do, however like to read the resolutions to see what the climate of the NEA is from year to year.

So in the LEARNING ISSUES NOT RELATED TO SPECIFIC DISCIPLINES section of this year’s resolution, right after the B-74. Classroom Use of Animals is the section on home schooling.

B-75. Home Schooling
The National Education Association believes that home schooling programs based on parental choice
cannot provide the student with a comprehensive education experience. When home schooling occurs,
students enrolled must meet all state curricular requirements, including the taking and passing of
assessments to ensure adequate academic progress. Home schooling should be limited to the children of
the immediate family, with all expenses being borne by the parents/guardians. Instruction should be by
persons who are licensed by the appropriate state education licensure agency, and a curriculum approved
by the state department of education should be used.
The Association also believes that home-schooled students should not participate in any
extracurricular activities in the public schools.
The Association further believes that local public school systems should have the authority to
determine grade placement and/or credits earned toward graduation for students entering or re-entering
the public school setting from a home school setting. (1988, 2006)

I am putting no opinion here, I just want to get your thoughts and feed back. I’m still getting hits on the home school conversation from old, so I wanted to show a little of the research I’ve been doing.

And, fyi, I’ve been quoted once again on Summer’s site. I never intended to become the bad guy or the focal point for the home school nations ire, but, so be it.

home school, nea

Have you ever taken the time to think back along amnesia lane and see who most affected your life? With all the talk about homeschooling, and the latest saying that…

the purpose of public schools is not to teach social skills, and in fact they aren’t good at it…

I began to think about it, and I agree.
(more…)

Before I start…I have to say that I never new they went away…Sock Monkeys…

Anyway. I love the updates I get from a few sites about the development of the baby. They all give approximate weight and length, but then they differ slightly in the rest of the information they send. Here’s a few things I learned with this weeks update…a sample, if you will, for those who don’t use them. (more…)

For those of you unfamiliar with the Seussian characters know as “The Sneetches“, here’s a little information thanks to Wikipedia…

“The Sneetches”
By Dr. Seuss

Sneetches are a race of odd creatures who live on a beach. Some Sneetches have a star on their bellies, and in the beginning of the story the presence or absence of a star is the basis for discrimination. Sneetches who have stars on their bellies are part of the “in crowd”, while Sneetches without stars are shunned.

In the story, a “fix-it-up chappie” named Sylvester McMonkey McBean appears, driving a cart of strange machines. He offers the Sneetches without stars a chance to have them by going through his Star-On machine, for three dollars. The old star-bellied Sneetches are furious until McBean tells them about his Star-Off machine, costing ten dollars. This escalates, with the Sneetches running from one machine to the next,

“until neither the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew
whether this one was that one or that one was this one
or which one was what one… or what one was who.”
This continues until the Sneetches are penniless and McBean leaves a rich man. In the end, the Sneetches learn that neither plain-belly nor star-belly Sneetches are superior, and they are able to get along and become friends.

The story is an obvious parable for the cycle of fashion and how snobbery and insecurity drive consumerism to consumers’ own detriment. It contains the messages that all people regardless of race, class or clothing, are equal, and that the human temptation to judge people by their appearance or by the company they seem to keep is full of pitfalls. It may also have deeper connotations of racial discrimination.

There is a reference to The Sneetches in the Dead Kennedys song, “Holiday in Cambodia”

“You’re a Star-bellied Sneetch,
you suck like a leech.
You want everyone to act like you.”
“The Sneetches” is written in anapestic tetrameter, and – as is typical for Seuss books – follows the rhyme scheme and meter very strictly.

This story inspired The High-in-the-Sky Seuss Trolley Train Ride at Universal’s Islands of Adventure.

This is a great story and book. It’s a lesson for both children and adults. Sometimes I, after dealing with an unbending person, have to visit my inner Seuss and think…

“No you can’t teach a Sneetch…”

sneetch, Dr. Seuss

My son is very excited about his little brother. I’ve been trying to get him ready…talking about the baby, having him help pick out the ceiling fan, etc. So when I heard there was a “Sibling Class”, I jumped on it. It seem’s like he was in diapers himself not to long ago.
Ok, I didn’t jump. It was more of a leap interrupted thanks to all the activities we are involved in. Even yesterday, it was a scheduling challenge to say the least. But we got there on time.
I figured it would be a little rudimentary, but I wanted to get him involved.

It was mostly aimed towards children under 5. He was slightly bored for most of the class. He did get to diaper…his Sneetch doll. We laughed alot about that. The Sneetch will stay in Tony’s room…without the diaper for now. He also colored in what he thought the baby would look like…blue eyes and red hair…alot like his own. We took a tour of the hospital and he was able to see a new born.

“When do they get to go home? when they can crawl?”
There will be nights that we wish that was the fact…but no. It did start some conversation between us, which was nice.

They had a “Molly” Puppet who had just gotten “a baby brother” Unfortunately the nurse in charge was no Cheri Lewis…but one of the kids asked if she was from Sesame Street. They puppet was the least effective part of the hour and a half class. Maybe I’ll try to get in touch with them and help out with that. See a need. Fill a need.

So, over all, the class was good for both of us. We got to be at the hospital, see the room Tony will be delivered in, see a little baby, and diaper a Sneetch. I think Dr. Seuss would approve…and then Jack went on to recover 4 fumbles and make several tackles in their 6th straight win of the season…

So if you have a little one, and our having another, go ahead and go to a “sibling class” at you local women’s clinic. It’s a good chance to learn and open up a conversation.

I would like to continue the “conversation“, but I think I need to pause. I have a list of things I want to say about some of the comments, positive and negative, listed on Summer’s site, as well as others, but have decided to let it lay…for now. I have questions, but am afraid that they will be viewed as cliche and ignorant. This site is about putting out there positive information for parents. I would be more than glad to discuss any personal issues you have about my and my “own life” on my personal site. Do me a favor though…don’t guess about my home life…this site is pretty open about things that have happened to get me to where I am.

It does seem strange that I have posted things about AIDS in Africa, miscarriage, and a parent who’s child is sick, yet this is the topic that has gotten more responses from loving parents than anything else. I feel my misconceptions about home schooling have derailed what I wanted for this site.

I’m really trying to not take an aggressive tone. I feel like I got carried away with my original post, but that doesn’t make most of those questions or perceptions any less valid. It doesn’t mean I’m not willing to listen also feel like the majority of the responses are telling ME to be open mined. It needs to be a 2 way street.

We are all passionate about what is best for our children. Let’s keep it about that passion. I’ll try not to make things personal in the future. I ask the same of both camps.

So, there’s the olive branch. I really do want the possibility of an open conversation on this and other parenting subjects. Thank you for those who have attempted this as well. We are about to start our new family and will have questions and opinions that I will post on this site. That is what it is for. And if you have constructive knowledge to add, I welcome it. I’ll even take a jab now and again. I want to share all aspects of parenting with my readers. I will try to play nicer, if we can all agree to that. If you don’t like what I have to say, feel free to chime in, but if you can’t play nice, go find another sandbox.

Keep the info coming. Thanks Christine for this article about college admissions and the homeschooler.

Because of the recent post, I know many of you saw this article and thought, “Oh Hell, Bryan has some anti Homeschooling fador now.” But I read this article and my first reaction was, “Why on Earth do you buy your child an arsenal of weapons at age 14…or any age?”

He was taken out of his high school because he was picked on. I don’t know to what extent this was, but it seems it was a major issue and something had to be done. But it also seems that this child was extremely unstable, and probably not just from the bullying at school. He was planning a Columbine type attack…using a arsenal the Canadian army is envious of.

“This was a smart kid that clearly believes he was picked on and was a victim,” Castor said. “He had psychological issues and began to act out on those feelings.”

His mother has been charged with some weapons violations. This was, as Will stated, a case of a home that had bigger issues than trying to home school.

So, no, I don’t see this as a direct result of home schooling. I also don’t see this as a direct result of the bullying. I believe this kid was failed by the school system, and his mother. Someone should have seen him as a psychological time bomb and found help for him. This mother should have never attempted homeschooling…or parenting it seems.

OH, and his father:

Authorities said Friday that the boy’s father also tried to buy his son a rifle in 2005, but was not allowed to because he was a felon, authorities said Friday.

Frank Cossey was sentenced to house arrest for lying about his criminal record when he went to buy a .22-caliber rifle for his son in December 2005, police said Friday. On his application he said he had never been convicted of a felony, but he had pleaded guilty in 1981 to manslaughter in a drunken driving death in Oklahoma and sent to prison, police said.

I fell horrible for any child in this position. He was in a horrendous home, and seems that either the school never acted, or he was pulled by his mother before they could help.

“No child left behind?” here’s one. Any thoughts?

How bout you gun enthusiast? I’m not a fan of guns. Never had to shot anything…other than at a stunt show (I was the Joker)… and Batman had it coming, bastard. I just don’t see why anyone would need this firepower…unless you were being hunted a 17 headed ninja…then you’re screwed anyway.

homeschool, dillon cossey, Michele Cossey, no child left behind