Sympathy Pain

I leave my house every morning with plenty of time to drop Tony off and get to work early. I think my internal clock is still set to Atlanta Metro Traffic time where 10 miles equals 30 minutes to 3 hours of drive time. So very rarely will you see me red faced and honking my horn and slower traffic in the mornings. I sometimes think that I am alone in this attitude.

This morning I saw a woman with 3 kids in her car having a stroke because of traffic. Getting into a long line of school traffic, she had tried to beat the light and got stuck blocking an intersection. She proceeded to honk and scream and the 30 some odd cares in front of her. I was the first in the traffic she was blocking, and I had places to go, but never did I feel the need to honk or give her the eye…cause I was running early. The kids in her car looked scarred and shocked by the display in the driver’s seat. It was almost like watching a bad skit on SNL.

Let’s put aside the fact that her blood pressure was off the chart. Let’s forget that it was her fault for trying to beat the light. Let’s, for a moment, consider those kid’s morning. What a crappy way to start the day. Seeing mom go postal over the same line of cars they get into everyday. This line backs up every day from 7:30-8:00. It’s not a surprise. I wonder if she is like this every day.

Anyway…my advice. Get up 15 minutes earlier. Enjoy the morning a little more. I enjoy having a few minutes to let Tony walk down the hallway to his class instead of carrying him in and throwing him at the workers. I really like getting to work a few minutes early to get my day figured out before our phones are turned on. 15 minutes…that’s it. And chill out.

So, I have a rule when writing my blog…one of very few…that I will never intentionally hurt someone with something I write. There’s a long story behind that rule, for another day. I do my best to adhere to that rule. I’ll get snarky and confrontational, but I try to never get on a personal level with anything negative I write.

Another rule is to apologize as soon as I realize I have unintentionally gone too far. So here goes.

I got carried away in my posts about Tony’s former day care. I never wrote any untruths, but I didn’t consider fully what ramifications what I wrote might have to a friend who works there. She has always treated Tony like family and was also very upset when we had issues with some of the workers. She personally handled the guilty party and has since made sure no other child gets the short end of the stick.

And here’s what I mean by “short end of the stick”. Tony was not fed in the afternoon twice. That’s the major issue. They were overly sensitive towards any sickness…which was inconvenient to us, but never neglectful in any way. They also loved him very much, and were very commutative when it came to his day and what they had done. I can’t tell you how many times I would come to pick him up and my friend would be holding Tony, or pinched his cheeks when I brought him in. I always felt like a part of a community there.

When it came down to it, we just couldn’t afford the rates at this daycare. The not feeding was a catalyst and a target for my frustration. There are a lot of things I now miss about Tony’s old daycare. And if it was apples to apples price wise, he’d probably still be there.

So I apologize. I never meant to embarrass anyone with what I wrote. I never meant to insinuate that Tony was ever in danger from the people at the daycare. I was only venting, and let it get way too one-sided. I am very sorry.

Well, it has happened. I noticed Tony not wanting to go to the day care worker as readily as he used to. Then Sarah had her drop off woes yesterday, with tears and lunging, and then it happened to me today. So I read up alittle, and other than the timing of the day care switch…which had to happen…we seem to be doing things correctly. Here are a few steps from “Kids Health” to follow to help alleviate this stage.

“He’ll be fine” I said, “and if not, we are young, we can make another.”

I have this gift for saying just the right thing to ease my wife’s fears. Tony started his new Day Care yesterday. Admittedly, I was worried just as much as Sarah. Mostly ungrounded, but anxious none the less. I worried if he would be confused or afraid. I worried that they wouldn’t click with him the way some of the teachers had at the previous school. I worried he would be ignored of forgotten because he’s such a laid back baby…like what happened at the previous school.

I took him, as I normally do. At the same time…right after “Curious George” goes off. I had tons of baby stuff…diapers, wipes, clothes, bibs, food…and the Binja. We arrived, and I introduced myself and Tony…and his AFO. The girl, Tiffany, seemed a little apprehensive about the brace. But after I demonstrated how to put it on him, and he demonstrated how cool his is about the whole thing, she was fine. A few more pleasantries…and a trip back to the house to get something I left there…and he was on his own.

I worried all day (don’t tell Sarah). I wanted to call, but as a former teacher, I knew I had to trust them…and be ready to knock heads if they screwed up.

I got home, and the first thing I heard was that little happy shrill. All the worry went away. He had had a great day, and the teachers were already in love with him. That’s my boy.

I have to be very careful here, since a good friend of mine is the director at our Tony’s daycare, but…they piss me off. I realize that my gripe straddles the fence of “well, if they didn’t, you’d be pissed”. Anyway, here’s the boogey.

Three times now we have had to pick Tony up for, in my humble opinion, was an overreaction on the daycare’s part. Yes there it is…”they are only erring on the side of caution”…I get it, but let me explain.

The first time he had a fever and was throwing up and had pink eye. When I got him…he was neither feverish, nor vomiting, but his eyes were guncky. The doctor said, no pink eye, just a head cold. But, we had to keep him home for 24 hours.

The next is stranger. They said he might have ringworm. He has eczema. He has always had it. The doctor verified it, and again, a day at home.

Then, last week, he had thrush…but not really. He had teething sores, nothing more, and the doctor suggested finding a new day care. Another day away from work.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love hanging with a healthy baby, and I do appreciate the mindset of “better safe than sorry” but come on. Pink eye is a highly contagious critter, so I give them that, but Ringworm…really. It’s a fungus. If that is being passed around, someone is not properly cleaning the daycare. Thrush? That’s like a yeast infection. Again, why are the babies sharing bottles and nipples? That’s the only way to pass it. And on top of everything…he didn’t have any of them. Plus…and here’s the real kicker for me…we pay $185 a week for this daycare. Anytime I am away from work, I don’t get hours. So unless they are going to start reimbursing me for the false alarms, we are going to start looking elsewhere…for a place that doesn’t care if my child or the others are contagious…yeah…wait…

It’s the general consciences about Tony. He’s an extremely laid back baby. I know as result of writing this that he is changing into a demon child. However, that’s what we get all the time.

Consequently, I think all other children his age are on crack.

This weekend, I had to pick up a dryer from Best Buy. I had lined up a truck and timed my day, but hadn’t really thought about the fact that I was the lone parent and the car seat couldn’t go in a truck. So Saturday morning I had to do some begging of friends to watch Tony while I made this happen. Sandra, the grandmother of Maddie, agreed to watch him. So I slapped some food in him and off we went.

Now, Maddie is about a month and a half older than Tony, so she is more advanced in motor skills and such, but I wasn’t prepared for the difference in personality. It was like night and day. Maddie was almost vibrating, looking around, reaching for mom, trying to see Tony. Tony…could care less. Just laid back and watched.

“It was hard to tell when he was unhappy.” Sandra said.”He always seems ok.”

I thought maybe this is just the difference between these two, but then we went to dinner with the Ronda and Steve.

Tony was playing, setting up, with a toy. He lost his balance and fell over…and laughed.

“Our’s would never have laughed. They would have cried.” Steve said with the sound of disbelief.

Then this morning, his teacher (is that the right term for daycare?) went on and on about how good and happy of a baby he is.

“The only time he is fussy is when he’s hungry, dirty, or tired. And we can do something about that, but even then, he’ll try to smile the whole time he is whimpering. The other babies will wail for no reason, and he just takes it in stride”

I think he has adopted his parents outward, laid back, attitude. Our house is usually very quiet and non manic. I think that makes a huge difference with a baby…or he’s just waiting to let loose now that I’ve publicized his mellowness.

I’ve been the drop off man for tony for as long as he’s gone to daycare. Sarah has done it a couple times, but for the most part it’s my job. I actually enjoy doing it. It’s a good 15 minutes to his day care, which we sing and laugh through most mornings, then another 5 to 10 minutes relaying info to the staff. They have a chart to fill out last feeding and last diaper…and what was in it. We then chat about how he’s doing and what happened the day before. It’s a good start to the day.

I have noticed a few things about other parents that drop off the children that I’d like to share and comment on:

Cell phone use…hang up your phone long enough to relay information, talk about your child, and say goodbye to them. You’re not dropping off your cleaning.

Separation anxiety… Don’t feed it. It’s best to stay just long enough to talk to the teacher, get the child distracted onto something shiny, and then leave. Don’t keep saying good bye. You’re just making it worse. Also your child is not going to be permanently damaged if you don’t say goodbye a dozen times.

Cigarettes…just a pet peeve. Why on earth do you have to smoke while your infant is strapped into the back seat? AND I really hate those smoking while on the cell phone as they set in line to drop off. Argh!

Those are the few for today. I found that drop off is a great time to spend with the people who take care of your child. Take the opportunity and turn off the rest of your day.