Sympathy Pain

Maddie Is Here!

Here she is, I experienced this birth on speaker phone last night. Sandra (the proud grandmother)was just overwhelmed with emotion. Tears of joy!
She was born at 12:12 am on 10-23-07 6 lbs 6 oz.

Mark

You know what I’m afraid of? Loosing Sarah. Not in the mall or Target, but during the pregnancy. What man hasn’t thought that? Yeah, woman have been giving birth since Eve, and we are in a technically advanced age, but woman still die in childbirth.Did you know that 1 in 3700 women die in America every year during childbirth? Morbid much? But it’s true.

Yes I worry about Tony. Every time he changes his movement pattern, I worry. Sarah, rather she admits it or not, worries about that little guy as well…but never for herself. So I get to worry about Tony and my wife. It’s kinda my job to look out for her. She’s so concentrated on the baby, between the two of us, he’s covered…but who cares for mom? I love her more than I though I would ever love anyone… except Bernadette Peters…

What if something goes wrong? What if I come home from the hospital either with just Tony…or alone. I know it’s stupid…but it’s still there. I’m not obsessing about it, or loosing sleep. But sometimes I think of loosing her…or them …and not in a “phew, now I can watch Baywatch” way…

I just wanted to write down the nervous father/husbands thought of the day. So if you’re an expectant dad…and you are having these thoughts…I understand.

Here’s a list of “What to Pack”from Nina. She is due right on top of our due date…It’s in the water.

The following is a list of things that I found helpful when I was in the hospital delivering Sydney, and things that after the fact - looking back I wish people would have told me to bring.

Hope it helps, but everyone has a different experience so you may find things on this list you don’t end up needing, and other things that you wish you would have had. But, this is what I will be packing. (more…)

Nice alliteration…but really, this bit of news was brought to me by an unlikely source…my Dad. He was the “bring home the bacon” dad, and never really involved in the child rearing decisions.
So, when we are talking about football and he ask about the gifts from the baby shower, I was a little sidetracked.
“Everything is put away…and we have a mattress for the crib, ” and with that, I get ready to go on to something else.
“Do you have those crib bumpers” he asks.
“We will.”
“Well, I saw a news story saying those are dangerous. The baby can roll over against it and suffocate.”

Wow, this may be the first “baby advice” from my dad.
And, as you all know, I had to look this up. And yes, there are studies showing that these bumpers have been linked to infant deaths.
Sarah and I talked about this, but since she had just won a very bloody battle on Ebay for a crib set, she will have bumpers…

Should you invite only women, or should you invite the men too?
It depends on the expectant mother. The baby shower is traditionally for her. But couples baby showers are fun too. So ask the mother-to-be what she prefers. Some may not feel as comfortable with other men there. OR she may like having her own husband there (who might enjoy the shower) and would enjoy having other couples there also. The expectant parents might be close friends with a several other couples, so a couples shower would be a lot of fun. Most baby showers have only the women there, but ask the expectant mother what she would enjoy the most.

We had our first baby shower. It’s strange to be a man in the world of a baby shower. Traditional, it’s woman ground. There’s games and food…both of which I like…and presents that I get to figure out how to put together. I probably wouldn’t have been there, our friends are very strict on traditional etiquette, except for the fact that my father chauffeured my grandmothers and mom, and therefore, invited himself. So I went as well. Now, I’ve always wondered why the shower is “women only”. It seems that this “baby” thing is a group endeavour, and the gifts will be for the baby or the care givers…plural, but most people I talk to have a “women” only shower. I guess we men have perpetuated that by traditional sucking at baby gifts. Any way, we were surrounded by good friends and family, and Tony has stuff now. It was great.
Thank you to all who came. You’ve made our lives easier.

So…I have finally started having the “baby dreams”. Sarah wrote about one of her’s last Saturday. Now, I wasn’t trying to breast feed Tony at 3, but it was the first time I saw him in a dream.

Sarah had had the baby…and left. We bundled him up, and she went home. She didn’t seem to care about seeing him. So, the next morning, I went to the hospital early, but the gate was closed. It was like one of those asylums, in the film noir flicks. I didn’t seem pissed at her, just couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t with me to see Tony.

I told her about it, and she said I didn’t have to worry about it…the hospital wouldn’t let her leave without the baby…she had already checked.

So, I give you my wife’s page. The Anvil Tree. She is an active blogger, and I love reading her stuff. Here is her latest:

Random Baby Thoughts
Filed under: The Mommy — Sarah @ 8:55 am
I realized, when I woke up this morning, that I am never pregnant in my dreams. I never have a child, I’m never bulging around the tummy, and I’m just me. This has both concerned me and fascinated me since I made this connection. One, because I feel the need to sit up and verify that I am, in fact, still pregnant every time I wake up and two, because I fear that my psyche has not yet accepted the baby.
Not that the psyche gets a vote, mind you. The baby is coming, for sure.

And get this: I will begin my 27th week of pregnancy on my 27th birthday. Odd? Yes. You pair that with the fact that Tony’s conception was on THE IDES OF MARCH, and it’s incredibly likely that my child will come out with a 666 on his forehead.

Then there will be a battle of epic proportions to determine who the real anti-Christ will be. Because we all know the other contenders out there. I’ll buy a ticket.

Although I’m slowly creeping into the uncomfortable phase of pregnancy, I’m starting to find a lot of peace with it. I enjoy the kicking now, and miss it if it lessens. I cry just thinking about holding Tony for the first time. (Yes, me. I’m that girl now.) And when we brought crib pieces in last night, I was suddenly struck with the knowledge that my baby will sleep there. My. Baby. Weird, huh?

But my favorite story about Tony thus far (other than his massive man-parts, which are still the stuff legends are made from), is that all of “my guys” here at work give me a hard time about the baby. (I say “hard”.. it’s just a lot of male ribbing, which I can give out as well as I can take.) They accuse me of faking the pregnancy, telling me I’m just trying to hide the extra weight I’ve put on. (Which is when I point out their gray hair, bald spots, and “baby weight”.)

One meeting, I was sitting at the computer, and was holding my tummy as Tony was being especially active. One of those same managers walked by, and said, “Quit acting like there’s a baby in there! There’s just NOT.”

And my son, the one with our comic timing, kicked my belly so hard that my badge flipped over.

He is SO our kid.

Thanks to Jessica for this article.
Growing ‘Diaper-Free’ Movement Relies on Babies’ Instincts, Body Language

His mother took the diaper-less tot to a tree in the yard, held him in a squatting position and made a gentle hissing sound — prompting the infant to relieve himself on cue before he rushed back to play. Um…A tree in the yard…we called that redneck growing up…

It makes her happy though, right? She smiles, she’s happy. As Sarah has learned, babies grin when pooping. But don’t we all sometimes…does that mean we are happy? Sometimes.

As a man, there are things about womanhood that are either magical or we take for granted…depending of the man and his point of view. I find pregnancy magical. How in the hell does all that happen?
I found this article about breast milk production. I read it. It still is magical to me.
I remember when a friend of mine came to one of my shows shortly after giving birth. A baby cried in the audience. She said her instincts kicked in and the milk wanted to come on out…um…that is amazing to me. How do they know? That’s nothing short of miraculous to me.
So, read the article, brush up on your learnin’, but know that some of us just think it’s amazing what happens to you in child birth.

James Anthony…

James, or Jamie as I know him, is Sarah’s dad. Yes, he’s James Brown. He and Leslie raised 2 amazing daughters. He is a musician at heart, and works for Boeing, so he has a touch of mathematician in there as well. I remember the evening I asked for his eldest daughter’s hand. He never said yes. It wasn’t a blessing he was going to give lightly. I respected that immensely. I also had the opportunity to work with him on a production. I was impressed by his professionalism in what I consider to be a less than perfect situation. I feel blessed to have him as a father-in-law and to have Jack look up to him as a grandfather. With our son, we honor him.

Tony was my father’s youngest brother. He was close to my sister’s age. He went by “Dewayne” for most of his life. He was quite but very smart, almost an engineer’s personality, but a musician’s tendencies. He passed away of a heart…explosion…a few years ago. He was 40. He had had some rough years, a couple failed marriages, living with my grandmother off and on for years. He then turned his life around and started going by Tony. He was a computer genius. He had actually just flown back from the Philippines on pleasure, and they think he got a blocked artery from the long flight. He was the only one in my family who understood my choice to get a divorce. He was the only one who saw what I was trying to do for myself and Jack. With our son, we honor him.

In the ultra sound the boy was CRAZY. It hasn’t stopped. I mentioned to the tech that I hadn’t felt the baby kick.

We went to a board meeting for one of the local theatre groups I work with, and during the meeting was feeling up my wife’s belly. It’s ok while she’s pregnant, but awkward when she’s not.

I felt it. It was very cool. I forgot how that felt.

It is like the ultra sound pissed him off. Or he is still putting on a little show. He is our son.

I took off at lunch today to go with Sarah to the doctor. we had to grab lunch and let her folk’s dogs out. Burger King and Jeopardy with a couple whinny dogs. That’s a good lunch.

We headed to the doctors. Sarah was about to pee herself. They always need her to make deposit.

The baby is great. 15 ounces, still on track for a December 1st birthday. The ultrasound showed November 30th. Heart rate was 164. The baby had the hiccups and danced alot. It had one arm over it’s face…very cute. The cervix was about 13.5…whatever that means. All the toes looked good. Their is a face. And a penis.

We go Monday to a check up at the OB/GYN. We will, baby willing, find out the sex.

They will spread a cold glob of some conducting gel on her belly, down to the pubic line, which looks like it needs to be warmed up. Then this transducer, or probe, is used to send repetitive rays of ultrasound into the abdomen that bounce back. They move it around to get the lots of different looks. They will measure the cranium size, the ulna length, re-figure the due date, look for placenta abnormalities, check her amniotic fluid levels, look for congenital malformations, examine the fetal nasal bone,fetal check the nuchal translucency…whatever the hell that is…and many other things that are way above my head.

All this while we will be looking for a penis.

Now we have heard the old wives tales, and according to them we are having both. 3 outta 4 online test say girl. The one that said boy was a Chinese questionnaire, and as a friend said, “When’s the last time the Chinese wanted anything but a boy?”

Honestly, I would like a little girl. Ultimately, I would like a healthy baby…Isn’t that the right thing to say? Seems like there is always that caveat. It is true, but I feel like I am almost compelled to add it anytime I utter what I might want the baby to be.

Well, wish us luck. These things always scare me alittle. The “what ifs” come into play. Talk to you monday.

We are about to start the name journey. In a few weeks we will, hopefully, learn the sex. Then it begins. I mean, we’ve been playing around it, but “Laguna Beach Comer” is not really an option. Family names seem to be a running tradition in both families. Sarah is named for her mother’s mother’s mother and her mother’s father’s mother. I share my dad’s first name and Jack is named after my grandfather and his mom’s uncle. I’m not sure where “Bryan” came from…maybe the hot dog company…my dad likes his food. Also, Jack isn’t really my grandfather’s birth name, it was Arthur Earl, but everyone called him Jack.

Now, this isn’t a hard and fast rule, but I’m sure family names will weigh in. What are some of the ways you chose names, or some of traditions you families hold?

As I am writing this, and asking my wife how to spell Arthur, this is the reaction:

“Why the hell are you writing “Arthur”. We are not naming our child “Arthur”!

“But it’s a family name.” I like to aggravate situations.

“Your family can kiss my ass. “Art” do you want to call him “Art”? what about “Thor”? “Thor”.

I clean the litter box. Always have. I have to admit that I use the smell technique to decide when to undertake this chore. However, a woman’s sense of smell is crazy during pregnancy. I don’t know if it’s just the first trimester or if it continues, but I am now making sure to take care of anything that may create a smell before that smell becomes noticeable by my mortal olfactory receptors.

Actually, their sense isn’t heightened, it’s simply that smells have more punch when your body is turning against you because of the “sperm poisoning”. They have different effects on the brain.

And on that note, pregnant woman shouldn’t clean the litter box anyway. If your cat is an indoor/outdoor animal, they can carry certain parasites, toxoplasma gondii, to be exact. They get it from eating rodents and other critters. It’s not really harmful for adults and children, but the unborn baby is susceptible to the little scooby. So, I clean the litter box to lower Sarah’s contact to the bad stuff.