Sympathy Pain

You try not to compare your child to other children…unless they are superior…but you do. When everyone else’s babies are conjugating French verbs and yours can’t find his feet, you start to get paranoid that he’s a tard. You start blaming yourself. Maybe you’re not doing something right.

Maybe you’re doing the wrong activity. But that can’t be. You’re always right. Someone else is to blame.

So maybe it’s…the other parent. What in the hell has she been doing…or not doing…in the 15 minutes you’re not there to witness it. No, that’s crazy…or is it. He is clearly behind all the other infants.

Well, maybe it’s whoever is watching him during the day. Yes…”The Grandmother” she must be doing absolutely nothing but leaving him on the bathroom floor. No that’s crazy…we’d see the tile marks.

Then it happens. The one moment that says, “Hey, your kid’s not a vegetable.” He rolled over. Twice in one day. How awesome is that. We knew we needed to do more belly time. But he hated it. Was crazy grumpy attempting it. Jack and I were playing Wii. Bowling, I believe. I was a pimp and he was Elvis. It’s a great bowling game.

“He did it.” I hear from the nursery over the baby intercom, “Bryan, He rolled over.

So Jack and I run in and celebrate…then back to the Wii. We couldn’t get too crazy. He then did it again later, just so I could witness it. It was awesome.

He’s a genius. I can’t wait to find other babies his age that aren’t as advance and judge their parents.

Tony was born 13 weeks ago today. Wow. It seems like just yesterday and, at the same time, It’s hard to remember life without him. I really can’t remember life without Jack.At the conference today I saw a baby and really missed Tony. I stopped just short of asking this guy if I could smell the babies head.Later I heard a little girl laughing and it sounded like Jack. This should have been my weekend with him. I made sure she had one of the rubber duckies a company was giving away as SWAG. I was talking to some college students today and told them about my wife…how great of an actress I think she is.

I wear the mantle of husband and father all the time. I’m just very proud of my family. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? I miss them very much tonight.

Sarah called me during dinner and I could hear Tony crying in the background. My heart melted. They needed me and I was not there. It’s alot like the times my ex would call me with Jack screaming in the background. What do you say? I knew she needed answers, of which I had none. And keeping her on the phone wasn’t going to help at all. So she let me go, and I just had to wait…while she tries to figure out this c]screaming baby. And now I have all these questions. Fever? Maybe pressure from the weather? Ear infection? But bugging her is not the answer. I just have to wait.

It was an absolutely beautiful weekend. It’s almost spring…and we are getting stir crazy. We decided to take the family over to our local city park. It’s where I asked Sarah to Marry me. It’s just a nice melting pot for the area. People where there feeding the ducks and fish, throwing the football, soaking up the sun, walking the dogs, and other activities ending in -ing.

We grabbed lunch and the stroller and headed over. Now, as we set there in the shade of a leafless tree, we realized that the first trip out of the spring always has a learning curve. I am follically challenged and felt the sun shinning on the bald spot. We also realized the binja was in the same predicament.

So here’s what we learned.

1. us baldies must wear a hat or sunscreen.

2. if you think you shouldn’t see rule one.

As far as the baby, a hat is a great idea. As far as sunscreen goes, be selective. Find a “physical” or “chemical-free” sunscreen made with zinc oxide or titanium dioxide. Follow this link to Baby Center for more information.

Luckily, I didn’t burn, but Tony was alittle over done, but not too bad. He was mostly grumpy and tired because of it…and used Sarah’s decolletage as a vomitorium. Twice.

Now, it would be nice if spring were here to stay, bur in the south, we will have at least one more cold snap…and some tornadoes…and a volcano. It’s just the way we roll around here.

It’s 3:00 am. I just gave up on burping the Binja. I would feel better with even a small eruption, but nothing after 20 minutes. So, with little hope that he;s actually asleep for good, I put the little bundle down in his bed and retreat to the living room.
It’s amazing how quite the house is. Sarah is asleep. All the animals are chasing rabbits in their dreams. I can hear Vivaldi playing in Tony’s room over the monitor. I hear him grunting. He’s in a new pattern of sleeping for 4 to 5 hours, eating, then staying in this mostly asleep but stretching and grunting for about an hour. It’s actually not as cute as it sounds…at 3:00. I don’t feel I can just go to sleep, afraid his squirming is from some pocket of gas I missed. If that’s the case, he will finally come unglued in about 30 minutes, about the time I nod off and hit “Well, why didn’t you burp when I was burping you, you little SOB” stage of almost sleep.

There’s a misleading quite that hits at about 3:10. I am given the false hope that he’s asleep, then one of his monster grunts comes over the monitor, and I’m back on edge again. I really don’t want him to wake Sarah up, who has the next shift around 6:00 while she’s trying to get ready for work.

About 3:30 now. He’s still squirming. I’m going to go lay down. He’s had no “Jesus God, My chest is going to explode from the pressure” cries, so I’m hoping we are done for the evening. I no I’m slowly starting to hit REM with my eye’s open…which is just freaky.

Good night from binja central…I hope.

I washed the dogs this weekend…which destroyed our tub. The tub was also missing a screw that held the hot water knob on. So, on the way home from work I stopped at The Home Depot, and got Drano and an assortment of faucet handle screws.

I get home and put the Drano into effect. After dinner, I finish the flushing of dog hair into the sewers, and fix the hot water handle. I rinse out the tub, but it is still pretty nasty, so I set the Scrubbing Bubbles to work.

And I get an idea…

“Hey honey, the tub is fixed…including the handle.”

“owww, thanks”

“And it’s clean. Why don’t you take a nice, hot bath. I’ll watch the binja.”

“That would be nice. Sure you don’t mind?”

“No, go for it…but wait a second.”

So I go give the bath a final rinse and find the Aveeno soothing bath foam. She deserves a good bath tonight.

“OK, I’ll take him.”

Sarah slips into the bathroom, radio on. Tony and I are hanging out, he’s almost asleep…for about 2 minutes. He’s getting hungry, but I want to stave off his feeding until a little later. Usually Sarah would give him a bath to do this, so I decide to do the same. He usually likes his bath.

So I get all the stuff together, throw his towel in the dryer so it will be warm, get the water to an agreeable temp, and derobe the baby. He’s ok for a couple seconds…then the water starts to go cold. I had forgotten that my wife will use every drop of hot water the hot water heater will hold in her bath. It was down hill from there.

So when Sarah got out of the tub, I was putting lotion on a half naked baby, who was starving, and letting the entire city hear that I was torturing him with lukewarm water, baby lotion, and starvation tactics.

Hope she had a nice bath. I asked her, but since my ear drums where bleeding, I missed the response.

So, I have been hearing a lot of old school parents swear by feeding cereal to help sleep, mine included. Jack’s pediatrician set the fear of God in me regarding this. He said under no circumstances should we supplement Jack’s food with cereal. So this was never an option to me. It still makes me cringe when I hear someone suggest this, or say they have implemented this process.

Yes, it helps baby sleep longer, but how? THEY CAN”T DIGEST IT!!! It sets there, filling his little puppy bellies, but not contributing to his health. If you add cereal to early, it’s just filler. It takes them longer to get rid of and they are not getting the nutrients they would normally get by more feedings. Here’s a clip from an article:

Young babies would not benefit from solid foods for many reasons. To start, they are not developmentally ready to deal with swallowing solids. A baby is unable to move solid food from the front to the back of the mouth for swallowing. Instead he tends to gag due to the extrusion reflex with which he is born. Young babies cannot break down the complex molecules in many proteins, fats and carbohydrates, so solid food may pass right through, or worse, cause unnecessary GI distress. Research indicates that children may develop food allergies if solids are introduced too early. Formula and breast milk provide the perfect balance of nutrients that he needs.

So, decide why you are supplementing. Is it for the baby or for you? I think you know which should be the answer. Here’s a chart with feeding suggestions. Before deviating you baby’s intake, check with the doctor.

So…it happened. Not 24 hours after posting how my nights go with Tony. I got up at 2 when I heard that little “I’m hungry” whimper. I get him out of his crib. Throw his bottle into hot water. Sarah prepares a bottle every night…which helps a bunch. I change his diaper, grab a drink for myself, hit the head, grab him and his bottle, and settle in on the couch. Turned on the tube, started flipping through info commercials and bad late night TV.

After about half a bottle, I burped him…and he spit up. “That’s weird, he usually doesn’t do that.” So I clean him up and get another burp cloth and settle back in.

After the bottle was empty, I burped him again, and instead of the sleepy baby or happy baby I’m use to, he has a look of “oh shit” in his eyes. I burp him some more, and he spits up more. “This isn’t fun”.

So about 3 hours later, after rocking and burping and walking and burping and snuggling and burping we collapse on the couch. No good bonding time, just a helluva fussy baby. After a quite 15 minutes, I get up and get him to bed and pass out beside Sarah.

He woke Sarah up about 30 minutes later to eat. it was a long night for the binja.

One of my favorite times of the day is around 3:00am. Yes I’m sleepy and a bit bearish at first, but once I’m up and around, the next hour or so is cool.

“Why’s he up so early?” “Where’s Bryan and what have you done with him?” Well, it is true I like my sleep, but the 3 am feeding is mine. Tony is a very laid back kid, or my feelings on this might be a little different, so the middle of the night bottle is a good time for us. It’s one of the few times in the day that the house is quite, I’ve got total control of the remote or music, and it’s just us. Sometimes we play alittle, others is just business and back to sleep.

I know many fathers who are apprehensive about time with the baby. They don’t speak the same language. They do weird things like looking for a nipple on your arm. Their movements are automatic and non controllable. They are so fragile. They cry. Guess what, they are the exact same way for mom. So whatever fears you have, know that mom is probably having the same ones. It’s natural. However, you need to build a bridge. put the negative behind you. Know that you can do this.

Have fun. That baby is going to cry and you are not going to cause permanent damage if he does. Just stay relaxed. Talk to him. Laugh. Give him good vibes instead of stress. The important thing is to stay in control. Just relax. If you feel yourself going to the dark side, take a break. He’ll be fine. Then, have fun. play with those toes. Make “super flying binja baby”…or something. Burp and hold him. Snuggle. It’s all fun stuff.

So that’s why, my friends, I can get up at 3:00 am and, within just a few minutes, have a smile on my face…even if the boy is trying to eat my arm and whimpering. It’s all about attitude. Just remember to have fun.

I got this email fowarded from Sarah. I new Jamie had had the baby a last week, but I didn’t have any details. So here you go…

Thursday, December 27, 2007
4:47 PM
20 inches
7 lbs, 7 oz.

Congrats Jamie and Michael!

We got home from the hospital today around 1:00 and are working on getting
settled in. I will email more details (and pictures) tomorrow when I have
some time.

If you are interested here is a link to the hospital site and her first
“official” photo:

It was a hellish weekend…not “somebody died from a rattlesnake bite to the face” hellish…just busy. Jack had a Basketball Tournament this weekend, some Christmas thing. It seems some parents think it’s great to have your child spend 3 days of the Christmas Vacation locked up in a gym. I had rather been at home playing Wii, or traveling with family. Any way, Jack’s team is a really good team, but got beat Friday night. That meant they would have to play 5 games Saturday, winning them all, 4 back to back, just to get into the championship. And yes, they did. I am very proud of them, and don’t know how they keep upright for that long. They lost in the championship, their 5th back to back game, to a very rested team. I am an assistant coach, and we were both dead when we got home. Sarah was not much better, having spent the day with fussy baby.

Why was he fussy? Well, not having any guidance on feeding, other than “BREAST IS THE BEST OR HE SHALL NOT GET INTO COLLEGEwe had no idea how much formula we should start out with. Seems 2 ounces is not enough. So Tony spent a good deal of the first few days of formula, hungry. We have read up and figured it out since then, so he is a much happier baby.

Sunday was family day. We traveled about 90 minutes away. Ate good food, Showed off the boys, got presents, and returned home. It was exhausting. We got home and wanted to just crash. Then, there was a moment in which we both got an energy boost…

Seems mister Tony likes laying on his back while you “shake his booty”. It was the first time I noticed him reacting to something outside the food and gas realm. He was cooing and almost smiling. Sarah and I were in heaven. It was so cool to see that happen….then I crashed.

So, I look forward to more booty shaking in ‘08. It made my heart smile. I think that’s one of my resolutions.

Yes, we went out last night…to an adult get together of sorts. My friend Doug invited us over for some gumbo and camaraderie last night. We haven’t really done that with the baby, either gumbo nor camaraderie, so we decided to go. We had a blast and Tony stole the evening. He’s just very laid back…unless he’s hungry… and was great last night. He even discovered Bob Marley. Maybe he’ll become a reggae artist.

The Gumbo rocked. I had never eaten this bayou concoction, but I will place it on my list now. Sarah, having spent time in Alexandria LA, was very familiar with Gumbo and gave it the thumbs up. Being Italian, she doesn’t give food a positive rating unless it’s really good. Maybe Steph can give us a good Gumbo recipe.

Now, I can hear some of you now…”That baby’s too young to have out with groups.” Settle down. They were all great about the baby, and nobody licked him or sneezed on him…that I saw.

Doug is also a photographer. So we took the opportunity to get some publicity shots of Tony. They look great. We will gladly give them to the tabloids for a small fee once Tony gets famous.

We were there for about an hour, and I think it did both of us good to get out on a non baby related errand. I think it’s very important to get out as people instead of slaves of the baby. I also know that Uncle Doug loved holding that baby. I see them getting into trouble in a few years.

Here’s a sample of the pics taken last night. For more you’ll have to go to my Flicker page . Caution, there is alot of cute to be had.

1. It’s amazing how many things smell like baby poop…I think it’s just infiltrated my Olfactory Glands.

2. Strangers will fill free to interrupt your dining experience to see the baby. It’s like having a celebrity.

3. A diaper is not guaranteed to hold it’s contents.

4. Don’t worry, it won’t stain…much

5. You will use more Purell in the first few days after birth than in the previous ten years of life.

6. You will eventually slack off the Purell…then feel guilty for a few days…then slack off again.

7. He’s your kid. You have the right to say no when people want to hold him…and sometimes its a satisfying feeling.

8. People without children will try to equate what cute thing their pet is doing to your child’s accomplishment.

9. People without pets will talk about how much they don’t know about babies…or pets.

10. Oddly enough, your baby momma will start to forget the pains of pregnancy and delivery…even though you remember every bit of it. (She also doesn’t remember the wedding either, but who’s counting)

11. People will pay top dollar for clothes or shoes your baby will wear 5 times.

12. Target has cute clothes…and they are cheap.

13. There is nothing on t.v. at 3:00 am except info commercials. I’ve read a book and a half of Harry Potter.

14. Either the phone will ring or there will be a knock on the door when you are holding a crying baby, smelling the bad diaper, warming a bottle, and having to pee like a race horse.

15. People will find some trait of you or the baby momma about the baby…even when it’s not there or insulting to the parent.

16. Babies will wait until the diaper is almost off to pee and poop.

17. Older people will instantaneously develop, and use, a strange voice and stranger vocabulary while speaking at the baby.

18. A baby’s head is 10 cm smaller than the opening of most baby clothes.

19. A sleeping baby on the chest is better than any sleep aid on the market.

20. The first day back at work, after being at home with the baby, sucks.

I’ve been running errands almost daily. It always seems we need something for Tony. Things we had on the registry but didn’t get, or things we didn’t get before the birth, or things we just didn’t think about. Usually once or twice a day I kiss Sarah and Tony and head out. While I’m out, I try to grab a meal from different restaurants we haven’t eaten at recently or food stuff to make dinner with (chili was a bad idea…the baby did not like the spicy). Today it was; bank, flea medicine, mattress max for bean bag chair for Jack, Pet Smart for food, and Firehouse Subs for lunch.

I don’t mind at all. It lets me give a helping hand while Sarah is at home, acting as a feeding host for the parasite baby. I got to thinking of this on the way home today. I realized Sarah hasn’t left the house other than doctor’s appointments. So when I got home, I suggested she get out of the house.

“I don’t really need to…but…”

She got out in the fresh air, and realized she did need some outside time. She did some girly stuff, went to Target (the week before Christmas… ), and want to the coffee shop. She wasn’t gone long, but it was enough to recharge her batteries. So it was good. Tomorrow, she’s going out with the girls for lunch. Me and the Binja baby will hang out and run with scissors. It will be great. Maybe I’ll teach him to swear. It’s what we dads do.

“He’s a baby, we have to spend alot of time with him.” Says part time dad to 1st son

“But you spend way more time with him than me.”

I can’t argue this, and was waiting for this revelation to happen. I didn’t have anything prepared, but I was waiting, none the less.

“Well, again, he’s a baby. He needs a lot more…”

“Love?”

“No, buddy, I can’t love anyone more than I love you.”

“Your heart would explode?”

“Yep.”

So…we had a hard weekend. Not bad, just hard. It was the first weekend with Jack and Tony. Sarah was getting over the mastitis. By the way, Did you know that something…let’s call it the dead duct…comes out of the nipple once it dies? Wow, where’s that in “What to expect…”? It’s probably in there, I just didn’t finish the book. So, anyway, Jack was very needy. “Dad, do you want to play game cube?”"Dad, do you wanna watch cartoons in my room?”"Dad, do you want to watch me play game cube?”"Dad, do you wanna watch me watch cartoons in my room?”We played lots of Nintendo. We got a hair cut and went to Pet Smart. We also built a ginger bread house. But if I left him for 14 seconds, he was on my heals.

I want him not to feel like he’s lost any position in this house. But how. There’s a full time residence here now. And it’s a baby who needs much more attention than a 7 year old. I know he was wearing Sarah’s nerve to a raw nub. Mine as well. But I don’t know how to play the game any other way. I felt I needed to give him lots of attention, but where is the line. I talked with, as I took him home, about needing to let us have a little down time when he’s here. He said he understood. He’s also a 7 year old.