Sympathy Pain

What do you do with an anniversary deferred? Ok, so Langston was alittle more poetic than I am…just alittle. My first marriage was August 12, 1995. I hate that sentence…”my first marriage”. It sounds like I’m revving up for 12 more. I was married for 9 years. Marriage is something I do not take lightly.

I really don’t know what to write. I wanted to share some tips…some anecdotes…but I don’t know where to start. I don’t hate my ex. We don’t hang out, unless Jack is involved. I have more of an indifference, again, unless Jack is involved. We simply became 2 people who could not see eye to eye on many varying issues.

So, here are 2 points of wisdom gleamed from my previous marriage.

The first. When deciding to get married, marry the person you don’t fell you HAVE to marry. After the divorce, I had to find myself. I had turned into someone I didn’t know. It took me about a year. I went to a psychiatrist, balled up at my house, cried alot, lashed out in a hateful manner, and finally, came through with me. I realized I am complete. I am great being Bryan. So, when I wasn’t looking, along came an amazing woman, who was also complete in herself. She didn’t have pieces missing in her life. Simply put, we compliment each other. I’m her Cranberry Sauce. You have have a perfectly good Thanksgiving Dinner without it, but it adds so much. So, we got married…not out of necessity, but out of want.

Ok, number two. Don’t hold it in. It will overwhelm you and you will get to the point of non reconciliation. Let me start by saying my ex-wife and I are so much better apart. Jack is better for it as well. Having said that, there were things that, when they finally came up…during the pre divorce talks…it is too late to do anything. I felt like I was dropping bombs. Things that, while I thought should have been self evident…were not. I laid waste. Don’t let that happen. Talk about the small thing, as well as large, before they get out of control. Sarah and I are great about this. I may be overly sensitive to this, but we know each other like I never thought we could. So, talk. If it just gets on your nerves, or really is a point of contingency, talk about it. Not in an accusatory, you suck, way, but talk.

Yes, there are other lessons I learned, but these are the two I always feel like yelling at people I see going down the same path I went down.