A List of…
1. It’s amazing how many things smell like baby poop…I think it’s just infiltrated my Olfactory Glands.
2. Strangers will fill free to interrupt your dining experience to see the baby. It’s like having a celebrity.
3. A diaper is not guaranteed to hold it’s contents.
4. Don’t worry, it won’t stain…much
5. You will use more Purell in the first few days after birth than in the previous ten years of life.
6. You will eventually slack off the Purell…then feel guilty for a few days…then slack off again.
7. He’s your kid. You have the right to say no when people want to hold him…and sometimes its a satisfying feeling.
8. People without children will try to equate what cute thing their pet is doing to your child’s accomplishment.
9. People without pets will talk about how much they don’t know about babies…or pets.
10. Oddly enough, your baby momma will start to forget the pains of pregnancy and delivery…even though you remember every bit of it. (She also doesn’t remember the wedding either, but who’s counting)
11. People will pay top dollar for clothes or shoes your baby will wear 5 times.
12. Target has cute clothes…and they are cheap.
13. There is nothing on t.v. at 3:00 am except info commercials. I’ve read a book and a half of Harry Potter.
14. Either the phone will ring or there will be a knock on the door when you are holding a crying baby, smelling the bad diaper, warming a bottle, and having to pee like a race horse.
15. People will find some trait of you or the baby momma about the baby…even when it’s not there or insulting to the parent.
16. Babies will wait until the diaper is almost off to pee and poop.
17. Older people will instantaneously develop, and use, a strange voice and stranger vocabulary while speaking at the baby.
18. A baby’s head is 10 cm smaller than the opening of most baby clothes.
19. A sleeping baby on the chest is better than any sleep aid on the market.
20. The first day back at work, after being at home with the baby, sucks.
November 12th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
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