Sympathy Pain

So, I’d like to know what “oh crap” moments other parents have had. Now, I wanted ask you of this unless I was willing to share some dark secret of mine.

Here’s the disclaimer…I learned from my mistake. Nothing bad happened, but there was potential for huge ugliness.

We were out at dinner with the family, one of those “BeniHana” type places. Side note: I learned that my mother in law has a huge fear of fire…which makes for a few tense moments at the teriyaki style pryo show.

So, as we ate, Tony became fussy. So Sarah took the first shift while I ate salad. Once I was done, I stood up and held him until he was asleep. I placed him in his car seat, not buckling him in, but just to let him sleep.

We had a great dinner, and once filled with Japanese goodness, we said our goodbyes and Sarah carried Tony to the car. She snapped his seat into the base, and we drove the few miles home…talking about our dinner and the good family time.

It was when I set him down in his car seat at home that I realized we hadn’t strapped him in.

“Oh Sarah Brown…” That and a couple explecitives was all I could say. I felt like bad parent of the year. Sarah…the same.

Again, no one got hurt. There was no malicious intent. I know I never used a car seat/booster seat/seat belts until the early 80’s…and other than a broken jaw, I was fine.

So, there’s mine…what’s yours?

Our baby is…big boneded. He loves his formula, and really only gets grumpy about a minute after it’s time to eat. At that point there is no way to move fast enough to ward off the angry child.

I took him to the doctor’s office Friday. He has been very congested and we wanted to make sure there was no infection. Side note: As he gets older and we have more illnesses under our belt, we won’t be so quick to take him to the doc’s. Right now, however, we are still jumping every time he sneezes. Anyway, they hefted our baby up on the scale.

“Wow, he’s…healthy” the nurse said.

“He’s fat” I reply.

16 pounds, 2 ounces. He could eat most children his age…we’d have to puree them first, but he could finish them off.

I looked up some ideal weight stats for a four month old. He’s between 50th and 75th percentile. That means there are some super babies out there. I can’t imagine. Disclaimer…

So, while we think our child is a chunck, he’s just in the upper percentile. That doesn’t help Sarah’s hip, which we believe has been permanently damaged by the weight of one Binja.

I bought Tony a ExerSaucer today. He’s hit the point where he’s holding himself in a sitting posistion…with a little help. I noticed that his Day care has a couple of these items, and they seem to hold the baby’s attention when in them. He seems to like it…in that “what the hell is this” kinda way.

One of my concerns was just plopping him down in one of these and walking away. I found this about playing alone.

Q: Is it okay to let my baby spend time playing alone?

A: Solo play is not only okay, it’s a must-do! While the time you spend playing with your baby is central to his development (and for many parents, among the day’s highlights), his ability to play independently — even for a few minutes at a time — is also important. It builds self-reliance and confidence, skills that will be valuable to your baby throughout his life.

“Playing alone” doesn’t mean setting your baby on the floor and leaving the room, however. Get your baby started on his own by providing a few toys and initiating the activity. Once he’s engaged, move out of his view. (Make sure he’s in a child-safe area to begin with, such as a playpen or a childproofed living room.) Resist stepping in to retrieve dropped toys or to show your baby how each one works. Let him figure it out on his own. Return to his side when he seems frustrated or upset.

As your baby grows older and gets better at interacting with a variety of playthings, you’ll be able to leave him alone, under supervision, for longer periods of time. Not only is this good for his development, but it’s helpful for you, too, as you’ll gain precious extra minutes for yourself in your day.

When I die…please do not place a “in memoriam” in the back window of an F-150…especially with a nick name like “Big Poppa” or “Pappy”. I hope this is just a fad in the south. It’s just creepy in my eyes. I really don’t want that. Also, what does it do to the resale value? What if your name is “Pappy”. Would you want to drive around a truck with your name and a death date on it?

Also, if, God forbid, I die in a roadside accident, don’t put a cross on the side of “Peachtree Ave” with my picture and a bunch of flowers. It’s really the picture that gets me. It’s just odd and, again, creepy. And, I don’t take a flattering picture, so people will have to remember me with that goofy photo pose I always do. And, it only gives dogs one more chance to piss on me.

Maybe this is morbid. I just want to comment on how incredibly non respective this seems to me. I know we all mourn in our own ways, and show respect to our loved ones in very personnel strides towards healing, but I think this “tomb stoning” your vehicle is a step too far. I also think that placing a photo/cross/memorial on the side of a high way is wrong. Both of these, while maybe well meaning in spirit, is the wrong place to grieve. Grieve privately. Grieve in proper places. And grieve without pulling me and everyone else you cut off on the parkway into it. AND…put out the cigarette, buckle in your toddler, and get you POS truck tuned up. Billy Bubba Beau Bob would rest better.

Just another Pet Peeve.

So I have begun…again…the journey of looking into my snoring. I am tired…a lot. Now, yes, I have the Binja feedings to blame for some of that, but it’s usually just an hour or less a night. Also, my wife has begun pushing my pillow away from her before I come to bed. It sets a ”no fly zone” in the bed.

I went to the sleep center yesterday. I answered lots of questions; sleep patterns, allergies, weight, outside influences, drug habits, sex habits…that last one seemed to be just for the doctors knowledge. He took my blood pressure and heart rate. Blood pressure’s fine, heart rate is fast. Looked up my nose, and said it was angry.

So here’s the low down on why this is important. My dad is a heavy man and I have heard him snore and stop breathing more times than I can count. I don’t want that. For me or for Sarah. It’s scary…and loud. It’s also, as I learned yesterday, really bad on the heart. The brain “shocks” the entire system when an apnea episode occurs. Which means many times a night the heart gets slammed because I’m not breathing. Damn.

So, I go to a sleep over test on the 10th. Very excited. I go to the sleep “hotel room” and the hook me up. I was assured they wouldn’t video tape me…like I care…but it would tell us rather or not I actually have the apnea. I go back on the 23rd to find that info out and, if I have it, get a probe stuck up my nose and down my throat to see where the “blockage” is happening. Yummy. I then…if I have it…go back the 24th for an all nighter to figure out the best treatment. I get trained up on the stuff, use it for a while, then I go back the 12th of may to see how everything is working out.

Wow…and I thought I was just snoring cause I ate an extra doughnut…or twelve.

You try not to compare your child to other children…unless they are superior…but you do. When everyone else’s babies are conjugating French verbs and yours can’t find his feet, you start to get paranoid that he’s a tard. You start blaming yourself. Maybe you’re not doing something right.

Maybe you’re doing the wrong activity. But that can’t be. You’re always right. Someone else is to blame.

So maybe it’s…the other parent. What in the hell has she been doing…or not doing…in the 15 minutes you’re not there to witness it. No, that’s crazy…or is it. He is clearly behind all the other infants.

Well, maybe it’s whoever is watching him during the day. Yes…”The Grandmother” she must be doing absolutely nothing but leaving him on the bathroom floor. No that’s crazy…we’d see the tile marks.

Then it happens. The one moment that says, “Hey, your kid’s not a vegetable.” He rolled over. Twice in one day. How awesome is that. We knew we needed to do more belly time. But he hated it. Was crazy grumpy attempting it. Jack and I were playing Wii. Bowling, I believe. I was a pimp and he was Elvis. It’s a great bowling game.

“He did it.” I hear from the nursery over the baby intercom, “Bryan, He rolled over.

So Jack and I run in and celebrate…then back to the Wii. We couldn’t get too crazy. He then did it again later, just so I could witness it. It was awesome.

He’s a genius. I can’t wait to find other babies his age that aren’t as advance and judge their parents.

I was very excited. After weeks of trying to come up with a vanity tag, I had it. “Sneetch” I love the Sneetches. Most people who know the story alittle think that the Sneetchs are creatures who can’t be taught.

Then, when every last cent of their money was spent,
the Fix-It-Up-Chappie packed up and he went.
And he laughed as he drove in his car up the beach,
“They never will learn; no, you can’t teach a Sneetch!” “You can’t teach a Sneetch”.

But that’s not the moral of the story…

But McBean was quite wrong, I’m quite happy to say,
the Sneetches got quite a bit smarter that day.
That day, they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches,
and no kind of Sneetch is the BEST on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches forgot about stars,
and whether they had one or not upon thars.

It truly is a story about equality among the masses. No matter your outside appearance. It teaches acceptance.

So, I go to the tag office, after making sure I was spelling “Sneetch” correctly, and stood in line. for 30 minutes. I get to the front of the line, tell her what I want, she checks it out, and it is available. Then she gets this wrinkled brow look as she continues to work the computer.

“It won’t let you have it.”

“Why not? Is it actually taken?”

“No, the state capital considers it a bad word.”

“…huh?”

“Yes, it’s like “Snitch”, and that is not allowed. You’d get into trouble.”

“Um…it’s from a Seuss Story. How could that be bad?”

“Well, Montgomery says it is.”

“Well, Montgomery should read more.”

“You can tell Montgomery that” she said with a sneer…Grinch!

Tony has started day care. I dropped him off Monday…and didn’t like it. Not that I don’t think he’s in a great day care, it’s just letting go. Up till now he’s been ours. He has been mine and Sarah’s and grand ma’s. It’s hard to share something so precious.

I remember when I first realized that Jack had a life outside the home. It was weird to have people I didn’t know talking to Jack. His peers and teachers out in public. I remember some little 5 year old girl and 7 year old boy coming over to us in a restaurant. Jack was 5 as well. They talked…in that 5 year old kinda way, then walked away.

“who was that?” I asked.

“My girlfriend and her brother.” Jack admitted.

“Well, what is her name?” Trying not to make a big deal that my baby boy was a pimp daddy.

“I don’t remember.”…just like his old man…sniff sniff.

Now it’s just a matter of time before Tony has a love interest that he is not on first name bases with. I wanted to keep him to ourselves for a little longer. Especially during his cute chubby cheek stage. Just wanna pinch ‘em…and not let the daycare people enjoy them at all…

Random Post!!!

I hear lots of kid stories now. Something about being the parent of a new born is an invite for swapping stories. Usually these are from fellow parents and have something to do with sleeping or eating or pooping…or all the above…at the same time.

Today Kim, my co worker, told a story truly worth repeating. As my son often tells me, it takes a lot to make me laugh. Well this did it.

One of Kim’s high school friends, now all grown up with a 4 year old, took a trip to the Chattanooga Aquarium. If you haven’t been, and you live in these parts, you should take a trip. It’s awesome.

Anyway, during the visit, she noticed that her son had wandered off. she began a panicked search, resulting in the full lock down of the aquarium. A mass search began. Luckily, he was found…hiding in the penguin exhibit, cold but fine.

On the trip home, mom became scared that maybe someone had “enticed” him into the exhibit. In these days and time, you can’t be too safe. So she begins the conversation.

“Honey, you know that you can talk to mommy.” She says.” Its ok to tell me secrets.”

“well..” he began.

“It’s ok. You can tell me.”

“I do have a secret…”

“Yes?” Fearing someone had tried to harm her son, she was terrified at what the next few seconds would bring.

“I have a penguin in my back pack.”

And, yes ladies and gentlemen, he had placed a small penguin in his backpack. They turned around and carried little Happy Feet back to his home.

How to Celebrate the Ides of March

The Ides of March (March 15) isn’t a holiday but it is an occasion remarked upon enough times that it might inspire you to throw a spontaneous party or to mark it in some way that helps to inform you a little more about Roman history. This article is a step back in time to help you celebrate an event in human history.

Steps
Know what the Ides of March is. This is the date when Julius Caesar was assassinated in 44BC. It also marks the first day of the Roman new year and the first day of spring in the Roman calendar.

Read William Shakespeare’s classic Julius Caesar. Reread it if you’ve already read it. Think about what lessons can be learned from this play.

Read Colleen McCullough’s Masters of Rome series - books based on this era. They are The First Man in Rome, The Grass Crown, Fortune’s Favourites, Caesar’s Women, Caesar, The October Horse and Antony and Cleopatra.

Learn how to spell assassin. Assassin is a word with fascinating origins. First used in the 1520’s the word is believed to be derived from a secret society called the Hashshashin, a group that was said to have murdered others.

Hold a toga party. Romans wore a variety of clothing but the toga is perhaps the best known.

Eat food that the Romans might have eaten - basic food that was well salted and filled with aromatic herbs. Bake a Roman cake. Serve with some apples, figs and grapes.

Have some wine. The Romans enjoyed their wine, so this is a good excuse for a glass or two on the Ides of March.

Book a trip to Rome. If you’ve been thinking about visiting Rome and Italy, maybe the Ides of March is a perfect day to make that booking.

P.S.
Tony was conceived on the Ides

I took Tony and his bent up foot self to the Doctor today. We got there around 8:45…appointment at 9:00 saw the doctor at 9:20. Tony was none too happy about the wait…but then fell asleep about 3 minutes before the doc rolled in. He was smiley happy baby then. The doctor said his foot was looking fine, gave me the same info he gave me the first visit, said come back in 6 month, and charged me.

He did say if Tony wasn’t standing or walking on that foot correctly, we may have to put it in a brace to keep it in the correct orientation.

Now Tony has his own idea of what is fun, so when the doctor was manipulating his foot and stretching it out, Tony was guffawing. It was awesome. The doctor thought he was pretty darn cute. I like it that my baby made the doctor want to spend a little time playing with him, instead of running off to the next bent up body part. I laugh in doctors offices and hospitals myself. He comes by it naturally.

I know I kid a lot about his foot. I am worried that he’ll go through some issues, both physical and mental, because of this. But, I have seen what others are going through with their little one, rather it be behavioral or health issues, and we are truly blessed. Tony is an amazing little guy. I hope that his parents attitude about his foot goes along way in the healing…either that or it will damage him for life and our flesh will burn in the lowest level of hell, while we scream for a moment’s reprive, for all eternity. Well…as long as their are naps, that’s ok.

Ok, it’s been a long time since I poked the homeschoolers. I’ve been really good…and really busy. But I started reading about the court decision in California saying homeschooling is illegal unless the parents have accreditation.

This all stemmed from a case brought up by a homeschooled child who accused the parents of neglect and abuse. DEFACS got involved, tried to make the 8 kids in the home go to public school which might catch the abuse. A juvenile court said, “no the parents have a right to homeschool”, even if their is a question of neglect. Then it ended up in an appeals court.

On Feb. 28, Judge H. Walter Croskey of the Second District Court of Appeals in Los Angeles ruled that children ages six to 18 may be taught only by credentialed teachers in public or private schools — or at home by Mom and Dad, but only if they have a teaching degree. Citing state law that goes back to the early 1950s, Croskey declared that “California courts have held that under provisions in the Education Code, parents do not have a constitutional right to home school their children.” Furthermore, the judge wrote, if instructors teach without credentials they will be subject to criminal action.

Now, here’s my peace offering…just because you are a certified teacher doesn’t make you an angel…you hear the but right?…BUT, I have to believe that you would be a better in home educator if you had some schooling. Also, if it were more regulated and controlled by “The Man”, it wouldn’t seem so hit or miss with what level a homeschooled student was at academically. Without some kind of system wide structure or checks and balances, it seems like a very uneducated way of educating your child. It’s like having a loose leaf curriculum. Just add and subtract whatever you don’t like or aren’t good at for something you are but may not be essential to your child’s future.

And one of my favorite parts about this, Governor Arnold has said that “even if the case is held up in the California Supreme Court, uncredentialed parents will still be allowed to educate their children — that there is nothing that requires the state to aggressively go after people.” So, break the law that’s fine. And a great way to teach our future how to behave.

“Bobby, we are studying law today…which you are breaking by being taught at home…so only half pay attention.”

We have decided it is time to stop paying $800 a month for a house that isn’t ours. I think the floor repair also helped us start looking. I walked around the house and noticed all the up grades I had done, 2 ceiling fans, another new lighting fixture, all compact fluorescent bulbs, a dishwasher, a timer thermostat, new shelf in the laundry room…all things that I will leave behind. It’s time to put that energy in a house we own.

Now, my credit is still screwed from the previous marriage. So we are keeping our fingers crossed. It does look like we are pre qualified for a first home buyer loan. I’m getting all the paper work together now…tax returns, the last 17 years of pay stubs, family dna analysis…the normal stuff. I am hopefully going tomorrow to fork lift all the paper work to the loan officer. Then we will have 120 days to get the ball rolling on a house.

Now, what are we looking for…luckily Sarah and I have about the same wants and taste in houses. We did figure out that, even though we have lived where we are for a few years, we can’t afford to live there. Most of the houses are 50 to 150 grand out of our league. So, now we branch out. Our landlord is also a real estate agent, so he is helping us out. But, damn it is daunting. Add to that trying to figure out school districts and travel time to Jack, and it gets worse. But, it is a buyers market, so hopefully we will have power that we normally wouldn’t have.

So, wish us luck and feel free to send advice. This is a new frontier for both of us.

Tony was born 13 weeks ago today. Wow. It seems like just yesterday and, at the same time, It’s hard to remember life without him. I really can’t remember life without Jack.At the conference today I saw a baby and really missed Tony. I stopped just short of asking this guy if I could smell the babies head.Later I heard a little girl laughing and it sounded like Jack. This should have been my weekend with him. I made sure she had one of the rubber duckies a company was giving away as SWAG. I was talking to some college students today and told them about my wife…how great of an actress I think she is.

I wear the mantle of husband and father all the time. I’m just very proud of my family. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? I miss them very much tonight.

Sarah called me during dinner and I could hear Tony crying in the background. My heart melted. They needed me and I was not there. It’s alot like the times my ex would call me with Jack screaming in the background. What do you say? I knew she needed answers, of which I had none. And keeping her on the phone wasn’t going to help at all. So she let me go, and I just had to wait…while she tries to figure out this c]screaming baby. And now I have all these questions. Fever? Maybe pressure from the weather? Ear infection? But bugging her is not the answer. I just have to wait.