Sympathy Pain

It was a hellish weekend…not “somebody died from a rattlesnake bite to the face” hellish…just busy. Jack had a Basketball Tournament this weekend, some Christmas thing. It seems some parents think it’s great to have your child spend 3 days of the Christmas Vacation locked up in a gym. I had rather been at home playing Wii, or traveling with family. Any way, Jack’s team is a really good team, but got beat Friday night. That meant they would have to play 5 games Saturday, winning them all, 4 back to back, just to get into the championship. And yes, they did. I am very proud of them, and don’t know how they keep upright for that long. They lost in the championship, their 5th back to back game, to a very rested team. I am an assistant coach, and we were both dead when we got home. Sarah was not much better, having spent the day with fussy baby.

Why was he fussy? Well, not having any guidance on feeding, other than “BREAST IS THE BEST OR HE SHALL NOT GET INTO COLLEGEwe had no idea how much formula we should start out with. Seems 2 ounces is not enough. So Tony spent a good deal of the first few days of formula, hungry. We have read up and figured it out since then, so he is a much happier baby.

Sunday was family day. We traveled about 90 minutes away. Ate good food, Showed off the boys, got presents, and returned home. It was exhausting. We got home and wanted to just crash. Then, there was a moment in which we both got an energy boost…

Seems mister Tony likes laying on his back while you “shake his booty”. It was the first time I noticed him reacting to something outside the food and gas realm. He was cooing and almost smiling. Sarah and I were in heaven. It was so cool to see that happen….then I crashed.

So, I look forward to more booty shaking in ‘08. It made my heart smile. I think that’s one of my resolutions.

I was reading Summer’s Christmas Eve post and jumped over to a post about a Home Schooling Mom being elected chair of the Board of Education for South Carolina. Yep, that’s right, Kristin Maguire, a home schooling mom of 4.

Well, we know I have been struggling with the whole home school view point, and when I read this I thought…”Bravo South Carolina”. Really. I think it’s great. I don’t know this persons credentials, but seeing that she wanted a better education for her children seems a perfect fit for this position. I’ve always said the public school system needs out of the box thinkers. If you are willing to go against the norm and educate your child at home, I think that does show some positive initiative. I’ll be interested in seeing how this turns out. I would hope she really has a love for education and uses her position to better the system.

Part of my problem with the Home School army is the apparent attitude that public schools can do no right. It does my heart good to see someone say, the school system is not right, I pulled my children from it, but I now want to help fix it.” This attitude I can get behind. It’s a positive approach to the problem, instead of just throwing verbal grenades. I’d love the public school system to get to the point that no one feels the need to home school their child. That one day people will be excited about sending their child to P.S. 101 or J.B. Henderson Elementary.

The post states:

And if you wish for something better for your children, does it mean that you can’t work for something better for other people’s children?

Exactly. We live in a country full of single parents and households that cannot financially or educationally pull off home or private schooling. So, if you can do something “better” for your children, do so, but also try to help those who can’t.

Bravo South Carolina.

Here’s the reponse I recieved from Enfamil regarding the water situation. Thanks to everyone who responded. Looks like the pro agrees with you. (more…)

Yes, we went out last night…to an adult get together of sorts. My friend Doug invited us over for some gumbo and camaraderie last night. We haven’t really done that with the baby, either gumbo nor camaraderie, so we decided to go. We had a blast and Tony stole the evening. He’s just very laid back…unless he’s hungry… and was great last night. He even discovered Bob Marley. Maybe he’ll become a reggae artist.

The Gumbo rocked. I had never eaten this bayou concoction, but I will place it on my list now. Sarah, having spent time in Alexandria LA, was very familiar with Gumbo and gave it the thumbs up. Being Italian, she doesn’t give food a positive rating unless it’s really good. Maybe Steph can give us a good Gumbo recipe.

Now, I can hear some of you now…”That baby’s too young to have out with groups.” Settle down. They were all great about the baby, and nobody licked him or sneezed on him…that I saw.

Doug is also a photographer. So we took the opportunity to get some publicity shots of Tony. They look great. We will gladly give them to the tabloids for a small fee once Tony gets famous.

We were there for about an hour, and I think it did both of us good to get out on a non baby related errand. I think it’s very important to get out as people instead of slaves of the baby. I also know that Uncle Doug loved holding that baby. I see them getting into trouble in a few years.

Here’s a sample of the pics taken last night. For more you’ll have to go to my Flicker page . Caution, there is alot of cute to be had.

We are moving to formula. Sarah’s boobs and Tony don’t seem to get along. He can’t be my kid…

So, here’s a subject I know nothing about, formula. I mean, powdered food…sounds like Tang to me. Cow’s-milk-based formula, soy-based formula, protein hydrolysate; what does it mean? I’ve been looking up things, and it’s OBVIOUS that breast milk is the best. Many pages are militant about the stance and make you feel like a horrible parent for considering other options. So, wading through all those, I’ve found a few more gentle sites with information that is helpful. But I still have a question.

Why do you need to boil the water first? Can it just be filtered water?

I emailed Enfamil to see what their answer is. I know well water and some city water has high levels of metals and such, but I figured a good filter would knock those out. Anyone have an answer.

Also, any other suggestions? We have been using the Enfamil, with, we think, good results. Does anyone have an opinion?

1. It’s amazing how many things smell like baby poop…I think it’s just infiltrated my Olfactory Glands.

2. Strangers will fill free to interrupt your dining experience to see the baby. It’s like having a celebrity.

3. A diaper is not guaranteed to hold it’s contents.

4. Don’t worry, it won’t stain…much

5. You will use more Purell in the first few days after birth than in the previous ten years of life.

6. You will eventually slack off the Purell…then feel guilty for a few days…then slack off again.

7. He’s your kid. You have the right to say no when people want to hold him…and sometimes its a satisfying feeling.

8. People without children will try to equate what cute thing their pet is doing to your child’s accomplishment.

9. People without pets will talk about how much they don’t know about babies…or pets.

10. Oddly enough, your baby momma will start to forget the pains of pregnancy and delivery…even though you remember every bit of it. (She also doesn’t remember the wedding either, but who’s counting)

11. People will pay top dollar for clothes or shoes your baby will wear 5 times.

12. Target has cute clothes…and they are cheap.

13. There is nothing on t.v. at 3:00 am except info commercials. I’ve read a book and a half of Harry Potter.

14. Either the phone will ring or there will be a knock on the door when you are holding a crying baby, smelling the bad diaper, warming a bottle, and having to pee like a race horse.

15. People will find some trait of you or the baby momma about the baby…even when it’s not there or insulting to the parent.

16. Babies will wait until the diaper is almost off to pee and poop.

17. Older people will instantaneously develop, and use, a strange voice and stranger vocabulary while speaking at the baby.

18. A baby’s head is 10 cm smaller than the opening of most baby clothes.

19. A sleeping baby on the chest is better than any sleep aid on the market.

20. The first day back at work, after being at home with the baby, sucks.

It’s 8:30 Christmas morning. The house is quite, except for the sound of Family Feud. Tony is asleep after his morning meal. Charlie is asleep on his new bed, which has the comforting smell of cedar. I’d sleep on that. Sarah is still asleep, visions of Krispy Kreme dancing in her head…mmmm Krispy Kreme…It was closed last night when we tried to make a doughnut run.

Being a part time house for Jack, we will see him around 2 to reveal the Wii. We have been playing it for a couple days now. I used a gift card to get a couple games for the wife and I…Thanks Leslie and Jamie. This is not my Super Nintendo Zelda…It’s awesome. We are old school, so we did get a “Mortal Combat” type game. We had a ball last night. Jack is going to love it.

People on Family Feud are crazy.

It is hard to not have Jack here on Christmas morning. I’ve never asked for him on Christmas morning. Up until now, it’s been bigger for him to wake up at his mom’s house. They also do a Christmas brunch. Once Tony gets a little older, it will be fun to have them both here, so I’ll probably start pushing for swapping years. I always liked waking up Christmas morning, rallying with my sister, and waking up the folks in various, non-obvious, ways. It was much more fun to have an accomplice.

So, I’ll hang out with Tony until Sarah gets up. We’ll open gifts when Jack gets here. Other than that, and playing some Wii, it will probably be a quite day at the Comer-Brown house.

Have a Merry Christmas.

I walked into a house today that I haven’t been in for years. It was like nothing had changed. Same decorations, a pug that always needs attention, and the smell of baking.

I had Jack last night, and since he had no school today, he stayed the night. His aunt, on his mom’s side, always has all the cousins, nieces, and nephews in, a few days before Christmas, and makes decorations or treats. This morning was that day. I took him over and talked to her for a few minutes. Her daughter’s pregnant, the one I saw dance about 10 years ago as a “tweenager”. As I stood there, Jack’s cousins came up. One, now about to start driving, I held just hours after he was born. It’s a great tradition that, even though her daughter and son are no longer participating, she continues with the rest of the children.

As I drove away, I remembered a post over at Freaked-out-fathers. He was talking about “non-custodial” parents and traditions. I think that it is important to start your own in your new home as a non-custodial parent, but you also need to respect the traditions already in place. Many times, over the last few years, I could have thrown the “It’s my time” card and not allowed Jack to go to one tradition or other, but they are important to him. I also know that now, with Tony, times will arise when there will be a clash of scheduling in family events, and it’s important that I have shown flexibility thus far.

So, if you have no plans, and the bio-parent has something family oriented to do, try to be reasonable. Your child needs family time on both sides of the divorce line.

We have started a ginger bread house tradition and go to an annual “Festival of Lights” at the local botanical garden. It’s things that are very us, and Jack is an integral part of it.

Santa says we should keep him.

I’ve been running errands almost daily. It always seems we need something for Tony. Things we had on the registry but didn’t get, or things we didn’t get before the birth, or things we just didn’t think about. Usually once or twice a day I kiss Sarah and Tony and head out. While I’m out, I try to grab a meal from different restaurants we haven’t eaten at recently or food stuff to make dinner with (chili was a bad idea…the baby did not like the spicy). Today it was; bank, flea medicine, mattress max for bean bag chair for Jack, Pet Smart for food, and Firehouse Subs for lunch.

I don’t mind at all. It lets me give a helping hand while Sarah is at home, acting as a feeding host for the parasite baby. I got to thinking of this on the way home today. I realized Sarah hasn’t left the house other than doctor’s appointments. So when I got home, I suggested she get out of the house.

“I don’t really need to…but…”

She got out in the fresh air, and realized she did need some outside time. She did some girly stuff, went to Target (the week before Christmas… ), and want to the coffee shop. She wasn’t gone long, but it was enough to recharge her batteries. So it was good. Tomorrow, she’s going out with the girls for lunch. Me and the Binja baby will hang out and run with scissors. It will be great. Maybe I’ll teach him to swear. It’s what we dads do.

“We don’t need another cat…” Famous last words.

It was 1996. My ex-wife and I had been married about a year. We had traveled to Birmingham from Atlanta to visit old college friends. While visiting, we went to a pet store where another college friend of mine worked. We were not there to get a cat. I mean, who travels 200 miles and gets a cat on a whim. But there she was. This heart shaped faced, slender, black little girl. She was a very slim, slinky cat. My ex fell in love with her.
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“He’s a baby, we have to spend alot of time with him.” Says part time dad to 1st son

“But you spend way more time with him than me.”

I can’t argue this, and was waiting for this revelation to happen. I didn’t have anything prepared, but I was waiting, none the less.

“Well, again, he’s a baby. He needs a lot more…”

“Love?”

“No, buddy, I can’t love anyone more than I love you.”

“Your heart would explode?”

“Yep.”

So…we had a hard weekend. Not bad, just hard. It was the first weekend with Jack and Tony. Sarah was getting over the mastitis. By the way, Did you know that something…let’s call it the dead duct…comes out of the nipple once it dies? Wow, where’s that in “What to expect…”? It’s probably in there, I just didn’t finish the book. So, anyway, Jack was very needy. “Dad, do you want to play game cube?”"Dad, do you wanna watch cartoons in my room?”"Dad, do you want to watch me play game cube?”"Dad, do you wanna watch me watch cartoons in my room?”We played lots of Nintendo. We got a hair cut and went to Pet Smart. We also built a ginger bread house. But if I left him for 14 seconds, he was on my heals.

I want him not to feel like he’s lost any position in this house. But how. There’s a full time residence here now. And it’s a baby who needs much more attention than a 7 year old. I know he was wearing Sarah’s nerve to a raw nub. Mine as well. But I don’t know how to play the game any other way. I felt I needed to give him lots of attention, but where is the line. I talked with, as I took him home, about needing to let us have a little down time when he’s here. He said he understood. He’s also a 7 year old.

Not a cowgirl name. It’s a description of our day…

We went to the pediatric orthopedist. He was very optimistic about Tony’s leg. He diagnosed it as “Posteromedial Bowing of the Tibia”…um yeah. It is believed to be caused by the crossing of one leg over the other, cause one to actually form around the other, deforming the bones in one leg. He believes that with stretching exercises, the bones will straighten themselves. If their is not significant straightening before he begins to try to walk, the doctor will begin more aggressive treatment. However, because he will continue growing over the next 2 decades of his life, there is really no reason to get too aggressive until his teen years. He believes the worse case will be that leg being shorter by a few inches than the other. This would need a lengthening in his teens. He might need nothing more than time.

So there’s the straight leg part, on to the McBad Boob. Sarah has an infected milk duct. Doesn’t that seem like a crappy trick of nature? Sure, you can feed your child, and that’s the best method for him, but it’s going to hurt like passing a stone through your nipple and make you freakin sick. She woke up from a nap with a 101 degree temperature, shivering uncontrollably. So we called the OB/GYN and they called in some antibiotic. She’s taken a couple really hot showers and tried the hot compress. She can’t feed Tony though. The pain almost makes her pass out. So she’s been pumping to try to clear the duct up and provide him some milk. I know she feels bad about not being able to feed him directly, but passing out on him would suck.

So, that was a glimpse at a portion of our day. We won’t go into the broken radiator hose on my car, tires being low on the good car, getting new glasses, Jack asking if Santa Claus is real, or my oldest cat beginning to look like she needs medical assistance. Good night America.

Posteromedial Bowing of the Tibia, infected milk duct