Sympathy Pain

So, I give you my wife’s page. The Anvil Tree. She is an active blogger, and I love reading her stuff. Here is her latest:

Random Baby Thoughts
Filed under: The Mommy — Sarah @ 8:55 am
I realized, when I woke up this morning, that I am never pregnant in my dreams. I never have a child, I’m never bulging around the tummy, and I’m just me. This has both concerned me and fascinated me since I made this connection. One, because I feel the need to sit up and verify that I am, in fact, still pregnant every time I wake up and two, because I fear that my psyche has not yet accepted the baby.
Not that the psyche gets a vote, mind you. The baby is coming, for sure.

And get this: I will begin my 27th week of pregnancy on my 27th birthday. Odd? Yes. You pair that with the fact that Tony’s conception was on THE IDES OF MARCH, and it’s incredibly likely that my child will come out with a 666 on his forehead.

Then there will be a battle of epic proportions to determine who the real anti-Christ will be. Because we all know the other contenders out there. I’ll buy a ticket.

Although I’m slowly creeping into the uncomfortable phase of pregnancy, I’m starting to find a lot of peace with it. I enjoy the kicking now, and miss it if it lessens. I cry just thinking about holding Tony for the first time. (Yes, me. I’m that girl now.) And when we brought crib pieces in last night, I was suddenly struck with the knowledge that my baby will sleep there. My. Baby. Weird, huh?

But my favorite story about Tony thus far (other than his massive man-parts, which are still the stuff legends are made from), is that all of “my guys” here at work give me a hard time about the baby. (I say “hard”.. it’s just a lot of male ribbing, which I can give out as well as I can take.) They accuse me of faking the pregnancy, telling me I’m just trying to hide the extra weight I’ve put on. (Which is when I point out their gray hair, bald spots, and “baby weight”.)

One meeting, I was sitting at the computer, and was holding my tummy as Tony was being especially active. One of those same managers walked by, and said, “Quit acting like there’s a baby in there! There’s just NOT.”

And my son, the one with our comic timing, kicked my belly so hard that my badge flipped over.

He is SO our kid.

A few months ago, my cube mate was working on his family tree. He found out that he and his wife were distant cousins….um…yeah. It was interesting to hear him talk about the sites he was utilizing and some of the things he found out.

My brother-in-law has a Irish surname. I asked him about it once and he, of course, had a story. It seems that his great grandfather, along with to other 2 males of the family, were run out of Mississippi after a heated checkers match. They had to change their names and hide. These 3 took their real names to the grave. We have no idea what his real surname should be.

I am not from a very “history based” family. I don’t really know mt heritage, and thusly, Jack or Tony’s. So I thought I’d look into it. It’s been fun. Sarah thinks I’m obsessed, and it is time consuming at times. I have traced one of my “branches” back to a Maryland revolutionary patriot. Cool huh? Well, i also found a place where the tree branches…but comes back together…Ah young love.

So if you are interested, the best source I have found is Family Search. It is run by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. No religious bias, please. The page is very helpful and very well maintained. You can down load an ancestor program to create your tree. You do have to register, but I have received no spam from the site what so ever. They have great searches and tips to help you along.

Who knows, you may be related to someone very exciting…or your spouse…which could be considered exciting in and of itself.

That’s about all i have tonight. Between the sneezing fits and the drippy nose, I have tried to type out a post, but to no avail.
here’s a picture for you. Make up your own caption…leave it as a comment…and no, this is not Jack at age 1.

Wow…So, tonight’s Super Nanny hit me hard. The mom had 2 older boys from a previous relationship, and 3 more together. The parents never should have had more children. They said they started having major issues just months after they moved in together. They never talked to each other, only blamed each other for downfalls that they both had a hand in. Why would you start a family under those circumstances. She had actually filed for divorce 6 months before the taping of the show. Children deserve more. The older children, especially the eldest, caught the brunt of dad’s frustration. The dad was always on this boys case, about nothing. The dad blamed the boy for their failing to connect. This poor nine year old shouldered an unbelievable amount of pressure. The boy actually said they were on this show to save his parents marriage. No child should ever have to say something like that.

Again, I’m going to need you to be the adult. Have your shit together when you decide to have a family. When things come up, deal with them. They seemed to harbour all this crap from the past…and project it onto your children. It like if mom did something 5 years ago, dad put it in a mental file and took it out on the family. OR, he would exclude himself from the family while there, almost in a show of resentment towards her. Get off the cross!

Sarah and I aren’t perfect. We have our moments. We have had some pretty big arguments. But, we deal with it, learn from it, and leave it behind. If we do bring it back up, it’s to laugh about how stupid we were.

AND, I really believe that if you are so unhappy…so defeated…get the divorce. Stay involved in the children’s life, but give them a happier world to live in. I can’t speak for my ex-wife, but I know Jack has a much better example of a loving family than he would if we had stayed together. YES DIVORCE SUCKS! It took me at least a year to go though all the stages I needed to in order to become Bryan again. Some take longer. However, now, I am the father I wanted to be for him and Tony.No I am not “full-time” dad…and that also sucks, but I am a better role model now than Jack would have had otherwise.

Also, 6 months of the divorce, just hanging there, stagnant. She had filed it, and it was just a wedge. If you get to the point of divorce, it’s not a bargaining tool. It’s not a threat. It’s a legal declaration of separation. Shit or get off the pot. I didn’t file for divorce until the ex- and I said “done”, then the proceedings happened.

So, in closing. Be the adult. Have your world in order. Make sure you are comfortable in your own skin. If you aren’t, your children will suffer.

Thanks to Jessica for this article.
Growing ‘Diaper-Free’ Movement Relies on Babies’ Instincts, Body Language

His mother took the diaper-less tot to a tree in the yard, held him in a squatting position and made a gentle hissing sound — prompting the infant to relieve himself on cue before he rushed back to play. Um…A tree in the yard…we called that redneck growing up…

It makes her happy though, right? She smiles, she’s happy. As Sarah has learned, babies grin when pooping. But don’t we all sometimes…does that mean we are happy? Sometimes.

It was a Jack weekend. Saturday was great. Jack had his first football game. They won 13 to 12. We watched “Star Wars, The Phantom Menace”…I want that to be a better movie. He enjoyed it. We also hit the photo booth at the mall for a little father son memories. We had a great day.

I woke up Sunday morning with a very sore throat. I got achy as the day progressed. I tried playing game cube with Jack, but didn’t even feel well enough to enjoy that. I hate being sick on one of the few days I have with him. I feel like I’m taking away alot from him.

Last year, my son went through a really hard period with spelling homework. Never with myself or Sarah, by he would, for lack of a better phrase, attack his mom. It was hard to listen to him over the phone throwing these tantrums. A couple times, I went up to get him, which really was not either one of us wanted to happen.

It got better and seemed to go away as school continued. His grades got better and he settled into a nice groove. It was, however, very frightening. What if it continued, what to do? My ex thought it might be medical. I thought possible family therapy. It never came to that.

I guess, I grew up before the “huggy, feel good therapy” 80’s or “mood altering prescription drug” 90’s. It’s hard to grasp anything more than discipline being the answer to behavior problems. I had, however, accepted these other avenues as options. I have no way of helping out when he’s not here. I can’t do anything, so I guess I hoped family therapy or medical help would fill in where I couldn’t. I talked to his teacher, hoping I could impress on her what I needed someone to know. I wanted to help, but had no idea how too. The behavior never surfaced here. My hands are tied with things that happen there but not here.

So, his spelling grades are not in the passing range for the first 3 weeks. We did homework last night, and he scored an 85 on a mock spelling test. He stayed realitivly focused. Great.

I get a call at 5:00 telling me not to come to football practice because he had failed some papers today because he didn’t do the back of the page, and he had to set in the “yellow corner” in class. He socred a 65 on the mock test at her house. I could hear him shouting in the background…it froze me all over again..

It’s Hannibal Lector in Training…

Their parents flattened them, and they don’t want to do the same to their baby. Disturbing drawing…and what is the dad thinking?

Is your baby possessed? Does Lucifer use him as his mouth piece? does his diaper smell of brimstone? With try our “Demon be gone” restraint system…Pea soup vomit included.

My wife and I love puppets. I have always loved ventriloquist. They were really big when I was young, Shari Lewis, Paul Winchel (tigger), Senor Wences, Jay Johnson, etc. So, we were very excited when this unbelievable talent , Terry Fator, won a million dollars on “America’s Got Talent“. I went to his page, he’s working the fair circuit…not anymore.

So…Embarrassing moments of pregnancy. I’ve touched on it before. I finally have one for Sarah.

Flatulence…that was the start. Usually a 3rd grade level humor….or guys in an elevator…but still, usually not something that would cause what happened next.

“Even Shelby heard that” says Sarah. Shelby’s our smelly, deaf cat who was standing at ground zero.

“Damn, I think i shit on her…and she smells better…” I say, in my dry wit fashion.

Cue Sarah’s breakdown. She started by giggling…then doubling over…wheezing…more laughing.

“Be careful, don’t pee yourself” I say, half joking. I know the baby’s using Sarah’s bladder as a jumping bag.

“Get out of here…” She is now kinda squatting, knees together, by the refrigerator. So I retreat to the bathroom.

“Hey, that swiffer wet jet is on the wall.” I kid…not knowing what has transpired in front of the fridge.

“Charlie, no…”, she chokes out, nearly out of breath from laughter. What in the hell is happening, I think, and what is our dog doing?

A few moments go by, and I hear the Swiffer Jet…and then I know.

Sarah has peed on herself…and not just a little. Charlie got excited because she was beside the refrigerator, thought there was some lemon-aid on the floor, but after the first lick, he knew. Then, she used the swiffer to clean it up.

“I need to take a quick shower.” she was still trying to control her laughter. I was trying not to laugh at her.

“Well, that was the last shread of dignity I had.”…we are still giggling about it…24 hours later.

Ok, so we finally dipped into the 90’s for a high yesterday. We went for like two weeks with highs over 100. Jack has foot ball practice and games on Saturdays. Just going out to your car is like walking through the seventh level of hell. It’s crazy hot.

So what about having another being generating heat in you body? I know the heat is crazy on her. We went to the movies for a few hours, and I remembered how growing up the movie theatres advertised the fact that they were air conditioned.

Here’s an article about heat and pregnancy. Most of it is common sense. Cool clothes, A/C, stay hydrated. So it seems there is no magic wand. It just sucks.

Here are some Pod Cast I’ve stumbled on. I’m not recommending, as I have not listened to all of them, but you can peruse I-tune’s family podcast section to find some you like. Subcribe, and they will down load when you are on I-tunes. I can put them on my I-pod and listen in my car…I said I could, not that I have. That would be dorky…yeah.

By this time tomorrow, Litttle Laney Grace will make her grand entrance. Good luck Sudie and David on the next 24 hours…and beyond.

As a man, there are things about womanhood that are either magical or we take for granted…depending of the man and his point of view. I find pregnancy magical. How in the hell does all that happen?
I found this article about breast milk production. I read it. It still is magical to me.
I remember when a friend of mine came to one of my shows shortly after giving birth. A baby cried in the audience. She said her instincts kicked in and the milk wanted to come on out…um…that is amazing to me. How do they know? That’s nothing short of miraculous to me.
So, read the article, brush up on your learnin’, but know that some of us just think it’s amazing what happens to you in child birth.

I have the opportunity to make some extra money doing something I love. I spent 3 hours focusing lights for Billy Bob Thornton’s band, who will be playing at Merrimack this friday night. I didn’t come home until Sarah was asleep. I’ll also run the show friday, again not seeing Sarah. Alot of times, she’ll come see me or help, and when she’s doing a show, vice versa. But it being 104 degrees and her being pregnant…it ain’t going to happen.

I want to spend as much time with her as possible…but not in a creepy way. But, now is the time we need extra funds…Catch of the day…22.